Shades of Shame
by sss979
Summary: A new friend shows up in the lives of the TMNT bearing wounds from an evil she can't bear to face. Part 2 to KIARA TRILOGY. Links to NC scenes.
1. One Night Stand

**One Night Stand**

**Warning: Graphic child abuse **

***Evil laugh* Mwahahahaha! I decided not to be so nice with the cliffhangers this time… In fact, I'm downright MEAN! LOL Don't hate me. ;) But because of that, these chapters vary in length a lot more than my other book did. If you didn't read "Principles", you want to read that one first. This is set a few months after that. I didn't MEAN to write a sequel. It just kinda happened. LOL **

**Oh, and I need to set one thing straight with Raph fans before I start this: **

**I am not trying to be mean or cruel, nor do I hate Raphael (if you know me, you'll know that's FAR from the truth LOL). This piece is in response to well-placed criticism over Raph & Kat's 2 week courtship (and also because the idea blindsided me during a 2 hour drive and the more I thought about it, the more it sounded like a good story). To those of you following this little "bet" of mine, Part 1 (which I'm posting as its own entity) is not part of it. It merely sets the stage for Part 2, which WILL be. (I tried to skip this preliminary stuff, but it's just too important.) Part 2 should be done shortly. I've been working on that one at the same time I'm finishing this. **

**At any rate, enjoy. **

**And don't hate me. ;)**

_They say I'm crazy, I really don't care   
That's my prerogative   
They say I'm nasty, But I don't give a damn   
Getting girls is how I live_

-Bobby Brown   
"My Prerogative"

**RAPHAEL:** __

_My first time was in a dark alley, up against the wall with a girl who was high on mescaline. I never knew her name and she didn't know mine. To me, it was the only way to go. Wouldn't have had it any other way. If she ever did remember me, she probably figured I was only a hallucination. I don't think it even occurred to her that I wasn't human. _

_Why'd I do it like that? Now, that gets complicated. See, I'd always questioned authority. But it wasn't until I was seventeen that I actually challenged the people who set the rules. It was Leo who bore the brunt of it. Leo had to be stupid. He had to stick his nose where it didn't belong. Someone once put it that my relationship with him "crumbled". That's bullshit. My relationship with him didn't crumble- it exploded with the force of a nuclear bomb and left nothing standing for miles around. After a while, it got to the point where I hated him. But you know that, don't you? You must remember that. Hell, you helped put a stop to it. _

_I guess the reason I lashed out at Leonardo was just because he was the only one who posed a real threat. Once I realized that I was no longer a child, Splinter couldn't do anything to stop me and he didn't bother to try. I'm glad he didn't, 'cause I would've hated him too. But what could he do, anyways? Make me do backflips? Ground me? He could chain me to the kitchen table and I would have still found a way to do what I wanted. He knew it. So he gave up on me, more or less. _

_That's not to say that he approved. Oh no, far from it. He let me know exactly how he felt. And I politely and respectfully told him to shove his advice up his ass and let me live my life. I don't know why I ever did that. He was always there for me, and that was how I repaid him. Just one more thing to prove that I'm a jackass. But hell, what else is new? I've been proving that over and over again my whole life. _

_I guess Splinter could've kicked me out. Lord knows Leo wanted to. But he never did. He just looked on, disapprovingly. And I avoided him. Our relationship crumbled. Yes, crumbled. Not exploded. I never hated him. But I didn't love him like I should have. I wasn't even there when he died. But you know that, too. Hell, you know more about me than anyone. _

_Sometimes I think you knew me better than I knew myself. Did you see it coming, when the world went to hell? When I sent it there? I sure as hell wasn't prepared for all that. Sure, I knew it was rough. But I never realized how rough until it blindsided me with the force of a Mack truck. Guess I'm still recovering from that concussion, which must be why I'm writing this. Can't think of any other reason. It's not like I can change the past by talking about it. _

_I was a stupid teenager. All teens are entitled to make some mistakes, but I was exceptionally idiotic. I think part of it was because I didn't have the freedoms that most kids my age did. I took what I could get. For the first few months that I was sexually active, I looked for the quick fixes. I figured there was no danger to me if she was too high or drunk to remember what had happened. There were a few names that stuck in my mind; for what reason, I don't know. Most of them, I never saw again. I never felt the need. Then, when I was nineteen, I met her... _

**DONATELLO:**

It took me a minute to figure out what they were fighting about. It started in the kitchen, and escalated as they moved through the lair. I glanced at the clock, and was glad we didn't have neighbors to worry about. They wouldn't be too happy about all this yelling at 10:00 at night. 

"Nothing's gonna happen, Leo," Raphael shot. "Geez, you're paranoid." 

"And we couldn't get ahold of you if something did! Hard to prepare for anything when we never know whose _bed _your sleeping in." 

Raph spun to face him and pointed a finger at his chest. "You have no fucking right to...!" 

"To what, Raph, point out the truth?" 

Mike and I exchanged tired glances and I sighed, wishing there was somewhere I could go where I couldn't hear them. The fighting was almost constant now, since Raphael had started going out every night. Leo didn't like the fact that he was gone any more than he liked the daily hangovers that made Raph sleep in until noon and miss practice. I couldn't say I blamed Leonardo for being upset, but I was not impressed by the shouting matches that had been meant to resolve the problem. 

"You have no business commenting on my personal life!" Raphael yelled. 

"And you have no business neglecting your responsibilities to..." 

"I outta kick your ass, Leo, you know that?" 

"_Iie_!" Splinter interrupted them, stepping into the room. "This stops now!" 

They both turned and looked at him. Leo's fists unclenched almost immediately, obedient to his _sensei_. Raphael was not so cooperative. He glared at Master Splinter for a moment before pushing past Leonardo. For all that he was, he was not so disrespectful as to argue with Splinter. He knew better than that. Leo wasn't the only one who would step up if he made any move to hurt our father. 

"I'm going out," he called over his shoulder. 

"No you're not," Leonardo informed him. I cringed. Why couldn't he just let it lie? We _all _knew he couldn't stop him. "We need you." 

"For what? To sit here and take orders that…" 

"If the foot clan is back, we _all_ need to be on our guard." 

"_Domo arigatou gozaimas_," he bowed sarcastically, "for that word of advice." (AN: Thank you very much.) 

Leo, for once, mirrored the satire. "_Do itashimashite_." (AN: You're welcome.) 

The volcano erupted. "Fuck you!" 

"I wasn't the one who…!" 

"Enough!" Splinter cut them off again. 

"Enough what?" Raphael challenged. "Enough of this fucking bullshit about...?" 

"Don't you dare speak to...!" 

"_You_ shut the fuck up!" Raphael yelled at Leo. Leo fell silent, but his eyes screamed in anger and indignation. Raphael turned to Splinter. "I'm tired of this preparation crap when we haven't heard from the foot or Shredder in over three months!" 

"It never hurts to be prepared," Leo shot at him. 

"I thought I told you to...!" 

Raph drew weapons. Mike and I sprang to attention. Arguing was one thing. But weapons were against the rules. 

"Leave!" Splinter ordered Raph, his voice ringing with authority. "Just leave." 

Raphael looked at him, then back at Leo. He replaced his sais. "Stay the hell out of my personal life, Leo," he warned. "It's none of your fucking business." 

**SASHA:**

6:00 on a Wednesday night, and he was here. He sat in the dark corner, at the same table he always did. He'd slipped in through the door and retreated to the darkness before anyone could get a good look at him. In the three weeks I'd been watching him, I hadn't yet caught a glimpse of his face. He sat back in the corner in a trenchcoat and hat, waving occasionally at the waitress but otherwise just observing the scene quietly. 

I ran my fingers along the outside of the cool glass resting on the bar, and the tiny droplets of water ran together as they trickled down. I glanced once more at the dark figure. He watched disinterested as a couple nearby began necking, kissing passionately in the darkness. They were both drunk, and both lost in another world. The figure raised a beer to his lips again and turned his attention to a girl who was tripping over her own two feet as she tried to walk across the bar. She was his type, I knew. I was not. That didn't make any difference to me. He'd intrigued me from the start, and _that _was what I cared about. 

I stood and walked through the smoke-filled room, my high-heel shoes clicking on the floor. The man didn't look up as I approached. "Hi," I greeted. No answer. He kept his face turned away from me. "You alone?" 

Still, he didn't reply. I sat down in the chair next to him. "Of course you are," I smiled. "You're alone every night you come here." 

He was rude. But I'd expected that. I wasn't the first one to try and talk to him. He never said much. Women either gave up or, if they were smashed enough to interest him, they left the bar together. He didn't want them if they weren't drunk, and I never saw him with the same girl twice. Sporadic, impulsive… exciting. It had taken me weeks to work up the nerve to talk to him. 

"I've been watching you for a while," I mumbled. "You're here almost every night." 

It was perfectly obvious that he wanted me to leave. Normally, I would have complied already. "I'm Sasha. You have a name?" I pressed, hoping to break the stalemate. 

A long silence followed the question. "Raphael," he finally answered. 

I smiled. Ha! "So you _can _talk," I grinned. 

"Yes." 

He kept his head turned away from me. Shy? Somehow, I found that hard to believe. Hiding something was more like it. "Whaddaya say we get out of here?" I invited. 

A long silence. "And go where?" he challenged. 

I smiled. "My apartment's not far." 

He sighed deeply and shifted, but kept his head turned. "Look, babe, I'm not what you think I am," he mumbled. 

"How do you know what I think?" I shot back. 

Finally, he turned. I caught a glimpse of his face under the hat. He wasn't... human. But somehow, I wasn't startled. Maybe I'd had more to drink than I thought. "You are different," I grinned. He looked away again. "But that's not necessarily a bad thing." 

"Right," he mumbled under his breath. 

I reached out and brushed my fingers over his arm, feeling only the jacket that covered it. "I'd like to see what you look like under that coat," I whispered. "If you're not too busy." 

He turned to me and I saw him look me over. "What's in it for me?" he demanded. 

I grinned. "I dunno, Raphael. What do you want?" As if I didn't already know… 

**RAPHAEL:**

"So are you the lonely executive type?" I questioned as we stepped into her apartment. 

She closed the door behind her and locked it. "Why would you ask that?" she questioned, hanging her keys on the wall. She kicked her shoes into the closet. 

"Go to a bar in a business suit?" I challenged. "You just got off of work." 

She reached behind her head and let her light brown hair down. It spilled onto her shoulders. "Yeah," she smiled. "So?" 

I didn't bother to answer her. I looked around the living room. Leather furniture. Nice. This place screamed "expensive". Of course, the fact that she drove a Ferrari had prepared me for that. "Where do you work?" I questioned. 

"I'm a receptionist for my father's business," she told me. "I'm also a model." 

I looked her over again, now that there was enough light to actually see her. She looked like a model. About 5'8, blonde highlights, 32-22-34 maybe, with manicured nails and darkly tanned skin. "And you afford all this on your own?" 

She studied me for a moment. "No," she finally answered casually. "I'm married." I knew that. I was just wondering if she was going to lie to me. "Does that bother you?" 

I shrugged. "Should it?" 

"No. He's out of the country anyhow." 

"Mmm," I acknowledged, inspecting an expensive-looking black and gold lamp. The décor in the room was all black and gold, with a few hints of red. Nice. 

"So why am I here?" I asked. 

She approached me gracefully and pulled at the tie that held my jacket closed. "Take your coat off," she invited. "Stay a while." 

She slid the jacket off my shoulders, running her fingers over the muscles in my arm. "Wow," she breathed as her fingers trailed over my biceps. "What, exactly, are you?" 

"You gonna answer my question?" I repeated. 

Her light blue eyes met mine. "Something new," she whispered. "Exciting. Why shouldn't I be interested in you?" 

She pressed me back to the wall as the jacket fell and I instinctively slipped my hand around her waist, pulling her warm body to me. She stared up at me, her eyes flashing. "Wanna have some fun?" she breathed. 

I grinned back at her, feeling a twinge of excitement between my legs. "Maybe." 

Her hands roamed over me and her eyes flashed. "Tell me, Raphael. How do you do it?" 

I smiled. "Any way you want it." 

She giggled and rubbed her leg against mine, her skirt riding higher. Her fingers traced my lips. "I've never been with anyone like you," she confessed. 

"That's not surprising." 

"Guess you're gonna have to drive, 'cause I don't know how." 

I smiled and kissed her. _Gladly_. She melted into me and my fingers slipped between us, expertly flicking over her blouse and undoing the buttons one at a time. Her bra was white lace and opened in the front. I unclasped it and pushed the lace off of her breasts, cupping them in my hands. She rolled her shoulders and the clothes fell to the floor. 

She stepped back and I looked over her, appraising her body. She was hot. She went tanning, and I could tell. She had no tan-lines. Her breasts were firm and high. Probably implants. Shit, I didn't care what they were. She was hot as hell. 

"Like what you see?" she teased. 

I smiled at her. "Take that off," I nodded toward her skirt. 

Without hesitation, she unzipped the back of the skirt and slid it down over her hips. I watched as she stripped and stood before me, naked. Grinning, she raised her arms above her head and turned, showing off her gorgeous body. "Nice," I approved. 

She draped her arms over my shoulders and pressed her warm breasts hard against my chest. I held her body tightly, taking possession of her mouth. 

**LEONARDO:**

The _bokken _flew from my hands and nunchucks came dangerously close to my knuckles. He pulled just short of connecting and Donatello swept at my feet. I saw it coming, but had no time to react. I fell on my back and cringed as the world faded out of focus for a moment. When I opened my eyes, Donny and Mike were both standing over me. 

"You alright, bro?" Michaelangelo asked, offering me a hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. "You don't seem yourself today." 

"I'm fine," I mumbled. 

"Why don't you take five, Leo?" Donny suggested. "You don't look so hot." 

Instinctively, I wanted to protest. But I realized that he was right. I needed a break. I left the training room and headed for the kitchen, passing Raphael's closed door. He wasn't there anyway. He was out at a bar, or maybe with a woman. I didn't know. I would've liked to say I didn't care, but I did. I couldn't help but worry about him. I grabbed the gallon of water off the counter and poured a glass of it. Then I leaned forward on the counter, hanging my head. The full glass rested between my hands. 

"What troubles you, my son?" 

The voice didn't really startle me, but I hadn't been expecting it. I hadn't seen him come in. I glanced over and sighed. "I'm worried about Raphael," I answered, being totally honest. I knew that if anyone could understand, it would be Master Splinter. 

I turned and jumped up to sit on the counter, next to the glass. "I just keep thinking he's gonna get himself killed out there, just being stupid." He nodded slightly and I sighed. "I mean, if the Foot is back, and they catch him sometime when he's drunk..." 

"I know," he whispered. "But you must not take responsibility for his actions. He alone can decide his fate." 

I felt rage building inside of me. "He's so arrogant," I growled. "He won't listen even when he knows I'm right." 

Splinter's hand rested on my knee. "You are angry, Leonardo," he observed calmly. 

"Yes," I admitted, ashamed of my reaction. I turned away. 

"Do not allow anger to consume you. It will only cloud your judgement." 

I closed my eyes and breathed deep. "_Hai, sensei_." 

_Damn you Raphael_, I thought to myself, unable to shake the worry and frustration. _God_damn _your arrogance! _

**SASHA:**

Gasping, I stared up at the ceiling as he rolled off of me. "That was incredible," I breathed. 

"Mmm," he mumbled in reply. 

I turned to him, pressing hard against his muscled arm. He was breathing hard, but not nearly as hard as I was. He was _amazing_! So strong… I'd never come so many times in one hour. And he wasn't even _human_! What exactly _was _he, anyway? 

"I like your body," I breathed, tracing along the grooves in his plastron. "It's different." 

He smiled faintly. "I like your body too." 

I snuggled close to him, my body still reacting to the multiple orgasms he'd taken me through. "What, exactly, are you? How did you get like this?" 

He sighed. "That's a long story." 

"Can you tell me?" I begged. 

"I don't want to talk right now, okay?" he shot back. 

He was being rude again. But _damn_ if that sex wasn't worth it! 

"If I fall asleep," I whispered. "Will you be here when I wake up?" 

"No," he answered simply. 

"Why not?" 

He glanced at the clock. "I gotta get back. Before my brother freaks out and comes looking for me." 

I looked up at him. "You don't seem like the type who would really care." 

He sighed. "Well, I _do _have to live with the guy." 

I pressed my lips to his neck. "Will I ever see you again?" I asked. 

"Why? Do you want to?" 

"Yeah." 

He was quiet for a moment. "I'll be around," he assured me. 

"How will I find you?" 

"You'll be able to find me. It's not like there's a lot of places I can go where they won't try and ID me." 

"Mmm," I acknowledged. "Maybe we should make a date." 

He seemed to consider the proposal for a moment. "I don't date," he finally answered. 

"Why not?" 

"I don't want the hassle." 

I reached down and slipped my fingers under his shell, brushing against tender, vulnerable skin. "I'd make it worth your while," I promised as he hardened under my touch. 

He glanced at me and smiled slyly. I grinned back, raking lightly over his skin. "No," he mumbled, sounding amused. "But nice try." 

I wrapped my fingers around his hard member and squeezed gently. "You sure?" 

He grabbed my wrist and held me tightly as he captured my mouth in a heated kiss. I felt him move over me again, handling me roughly. Good god, was he ready to go _again_? He pinned me to the bed and I realized that he was. God, how _could _he be? It hadn't even been five minutes! He bit my neck gently and I moaned as I opened my legs for him again. 

**SPLINTER:**

"Raphael." 

He stopped, and turned to me. "What are you still doing up?" he demanded. "It's almost two in the morning." 

"Yes," I answered softly. "I know." 

He glanced toward his room, and then back at me. He was considering his options, and at great length, he walked to where I was sitting. "Did I do something?" he sighed. He was expecting a lecture. 

"Sit, Raphael." 

He sighed as he sank to the floor in front of me. I could almost hear his thoughts. _I'm not twelve anymore... _And he was not. He had changed a great deal in these few years. 

He smelled of alcohol and perfume, and I did not have to ask where he had been. I knew I could not change him. He had to change himself. But if I could provide the much-needed incentive for that change, it was my duty to do so. "I fear I may not be with you much longer," I sighed. 

He studied me carefully, his face void of emotion. "Why do you say that?" 

I closed my eyes and breathed deep, taking the stale air into my lungs. "I am tired," I sighed. "And I am ready to leave this life." When I opened my eyes again, I saw his expression unchanged. "But I must know, Raphael. Have you found love with her?" 

He seemed startled. "Who?" 

"The woman whose perfume you smell of." 

He tensed, and looked away. "I never said I was looking for love." 

"No," I agreed. "You did not. But your actions speak much louder than your words." 

"What actions?" he challenged. "You know _nothing _about my life." 

I saw then that I would not reach him. He was hardened by his anger, as much as I had tried to prevent such damage throughout the course of his life. "For almost twenty years, I have wished one thing for you," I sighed. "That you would find peace. And in my departure, I would like to know that you are on your way to finding that peace." 

He said nothing, but his eyes fell. He would not talk to me, I knew. At one point, not so long ago, he would have told me how he felt. And while he was not always completely honest, I could at least rest assured that if he had a significant problem, that I would hear of it. But more recently, he had told me nothing. And I knew he would tell me nothing now… 


	2. Desperate

**Desperate**

_I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.   
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.   
I know I'll see you again   
whether far or soon.   
But I need you to know that I care   
and I miss you._

-Incubus   
"I Miss You"

**KATARINA:**

_A man wakes up behind bars this morning…_

No, that was overused. I hit the backspace key, deleting one letter at a time. 

_A man…_

I sighed. Orange-colored minutes ticked by on the digital clock on the wall, above four TV monitors. I leaned back and put my feet up on the desk. 

_A man is arrested for allegedly breaking into a woman's…_

That was even worse. I hid my face in my hands. I couldn't concentrate tonight. 

_Police say a man…_

I yawned, ready to give up. The message bar flashed at the bottom of my computer screen. I clicked it. A message from April? What the hell was she doing here at one in the morning? I sat up, dropping my legs to the floor again. 

_Hey, baby, you busy? _

_That _wasn't April. That was someone using her screen name. And the only one who had the nerve to call me "baby" was… _Raphael? _

_How'd you guess? :) _

I smiled faintly and glanced around the newsroom. My eyes fell on the door to April's office. It was closed, and the shades were pulled. Through the thin slits, I could see nothing but darkness. How'd he manage to get in there? I knew better than to ask. 

"Hey, it sounds like the cops are working a double homicide out there," the security guard informed, listening to the scanner traffic coming from the assignment desk. "Possibly a missing teenage girl. You might want to get the alerts ready to go on the air." 

**DONATELLO: **

I never fully comprehended the psychology of women. If you could plug it into a wall, or mix it in a beaker, or create it in vast expanse of cyberspace, I could tell you anything you wanted to know about it. If it had roller-coaster hormones and monthly PMS, my philosophy was: duck and cover. To paraphrase: I never understood women, and I never claimed to. Which is why it was rather sadistic of the fates to put Amy in my path. It was crazy, how I met her. Luck, fate, whatever you call it… something supernatural _definitely _played a part. I hadn't _meant _to be out that night. I'd meant to be sleeping at two o'clock in the morning. Instead, I was walking the streets, losing a rather fierce battle to insomnia. 

I was just thinking about going back home when I saw a ghost. It was kind of hard to miss her as she ran down the street, her long white nightgown flailing around her feet. She was accompanied by a figure in black pants and a red shirt. Both of them were running as hard as they could, in a great hurry to get somewhere. I looked behind them and saw that they weren't being followed. They thought they were, though. They kept looking over their shoulders, nearly tripping as they ran. What were they running from? I knew I was going to have to investigate, even knowing that they were probably just high on something. 

The dark figure grabbed the white one by the arm and yanked her into an alley. I watched closely. Still, no one appeared to be following them. Curiosity got the best of me, and I headed down the street, careful to remain in the shadows. In the alley, the two women were crouched into the corner made by the dumpster and the dirty brick wall. I watched them for a moment, listening to the quiet crying. "It's okay, Amy…" a whispered voice assured. "You're alright." 

"Amy" whimpered something that sounded like a plea for help. She was talking to the other woman. She had not seen me. Not until I spoke. 

"You okay?" 

Both heads snapped up and the white figure gasped as she tried to push herself further back into the shadows. "No! Please!" 

The other woman was on her feet, and a knife flashed as she came at me. Acting on instinct, I dodged the attack and spun behind her, grabbing her wrist easily and pinning it behind her. The knife fell and clanked against the ground. "Let me go, jackass!" she growled. 

I shoved her forward, putting a safe distance between us, and she spun around. I realized her shirt was ripped down the front. It looked like she'd gotten into a fight with someone who had a knife. He skin was cut, too, and a line of blood ran down the center of her chest. The shirt fell open and left her exposed. Instinctively, I wanted to look away. But she was still a threat, until she realized that I _wasn't_. And I knew better than to turn my back on an enemy. 

The anger flashing in her bright blue eyes suddenly changed to shock. She unclenched her fists. "Raphael?" 

Oh, great. That was _just _what I needed. 

"No," I answered. "Raphael's my brother." 

She studied me for a moment, brushing her dark hair back from her face. Then she turned her attention back to the figure huddled in the corner. The white, ghost-like girl was crying openly now. The dark woman knelt next to her. She looked significantly older than her friend. Mother and daughter, maybe? Except they didn't look much alike. "Shh, Amy, relax…" 

"Are you in danger?" I asked. 

Amy coughed, choking. It rang deep in her chest and sounded like bronchitis. She clutched her chest and doubled over, her body shaking as she gasped air and coughed over and over. That didn't sound healthy. Suddenly a thin beam of light danced over the wall. Flashlight. Someone was coming. The frail figure on the ground saw it too. "No! He's coming!" she choked in a hoarse whisper, trying to get her breathing under control. "Please…!" 

She erupted into another coughing fit and the beam shot toward the dumpster. I jumped back to avoid the light. "There you are!" 

Hiding in the shadows, I saw the man approach. The woman who'd attacked me rose to face him. I watched, not sure whether to act, or just see what happened. He hadn't done anything worthy of a confrontation yet. "What the fuck you doin', huh?" he demanded. 

"Go to hell, asshole!" the woman snapped back at him. 

"You better shut th'fuck up if you wanna keep that pretty facea yers," he threatened. "Getch'er pretty ass outta th'way bitch." 

"Make me," she growled. 

Any coughed and screamed at the same time as he lashed out at the challenging woman. His fist connected with her chin. It was the last movement he made. I didn't bother to use my weapon. He never saw me coming, and he was totally unsuspecting. He only managed a slight cry/moan/gasp as he collapsed to the ground. Only a few feet away now, the cowering figure gasped as she saw me. I couldn't have avoided her. There was no way to keep her from seeing that I was not human. 

I didn't normally like confrontations. We'd been taught from the time we were small to avoid them. To strike hard and fade away- the art of _ninjutsu_. Everyone except for Raph abided by that rule. God only knew how many women had seen more of him than I had any desire to. But for me, there was a fine line between what was expected and what was dangerous. I was walking that line right now, trying not to teeter to either side. I had to help, but I wasn't sure just how far I was prepared to go. 

"Amy, right?" I questioned. She nodded slowly, clutching her arms across her chest. She was shivering, fear streaking her pale features. Her brown hair was tangled, her dark eyes filled with fear. She looked to be about 12 or 13. "Is there somewhere I can take you?" I questioned. "Where you'll be safe?" 

She turned away from me and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. "He'll kill me," she moaned. 

The other girl was pulling herself to her feet. "Fuck off," she threatened me. "We don't need your help." 

I studied her for a moment, surprised. "No, Sasha, please," Amy gasped. She turned to me. "Please don't. Please help." 

Sasha studied her for a moment, then glanced at me, wiping blood from her lip. "Why the hell did you just sit there and watch that?" she demanded. "What kind of a hero are you?" 

"Who ever said I was a hero?" 

She laughed cynically. "Jackass," she mumbled under her breath. I don't think I was supposed to hear it. She knelt next to Amy. "Are you alright?" 

Amy nodded, and gasped air as she drowned in another coughing fit. "She needs medical attention," I informed. "Let me take you to the police." 

Sasha stood and spun around to face me. "Fuck you, freak! You have no _idea _what you're dealing with!" 

"Please," Amy gasped. "Sasha, please stop…" 

The thin, frail figure on the ground was shaking hard, whether from the cold or fear, I wasn't sure. I looked to Sasha. I wasn't going to fight with her. She didn't have to come. But I wasn't about to walk away from the pale girl on the ground. She looked like she could drop dead at any moment. "Please don't make me go back," she gasped, her frantic eyes pleading with me. 

"You really should go to the police," I advised her. "They'll be able to get you to safety if you're in danger." 

Sasha attacked me. It was a feeble attempt, and I saw it a mile away. I grabbed both her wrists, spun her around, and held her back to my chest. "Knock it off," I ordered, authoritatively. "If you know my brother than you should know you can't take me down that easy. So behave or I'll be forced to _make _you behave." 

Amy started coughing again. She gasped, the look in her eyes frantic, and passed out. I allowed Sasha to break away and she dropped to her knees next to the still figure. "No," she breathed. "No, Amy, come on…" 

**KATARINA: **

Christie, one of the two producers I helped, stood to her feet. "Where are they sending the police?" she asked. I looked back at the screen in front of me and tried to concentrate, knowing that it was impossible. _A man is behind bars… _

"Hey, Kat, can you work on page 31?" Jess asked. 

The message bar flashed again. 

"Yeah, sure, if you can put a lead on your 'Stolen Rings Arrest'," I sighed. 

She was quiet for a moment. "You okay tonight, Kat?" she finally mumbled. 

I rested my head on my hand. "Yeah, I'm just… having one of those nights, I guess. I dunno what's wrong with me. I'm just dragging." 

I clicked on the message bar. _Got a minute? _

No, I really didn't. I was running way behind, and I was distracted enough already. But it was pointless to argue with Raph. So I just didn't answer him. 

Page 31. Top stories. That was asking a lot of me, right now. _A plane crash in West Virginia leaves three people dead…_

"Michael, can you call dispatch on this missing girl?" Christie directed from the assignment desk. 

"Sure can." 

Another message. I clicked on it, slightly irritated. He didn't belong here, and I'd warned him before. One of these days, he was going to get himself caught. And the last place he wanted that to happen was at a TV station. 

_I love you. _

I stared at the words, momentarily dumbfounded. Once they registered, I couldn't help but smile. No eloquent speeches from him; just the facts. And yet it meant more to me than any Shakespearean sonnet. I closed my eyes and sighed, forgetting to be annoyed. The words sunk into me, calming the unjustified frustration that was giving me so many problems tonight. The bar flashed again. _Katarina? _

_Yeah? _I typed back. 

_Come here. _

I cringed and started to type a message back. _I ca…_

I didn't finish before he'd already sent me another sentence. I looked at it. _Let me show you how I love you. _

I smiled again. I couldn't help it. He could be so sweet when he wanted something… 

I glanced once more at the office in the corner of the room and stood up. "I'll be right back," I told Jess. She nodded, not taking her eyes off of her computer screen. 

"NYPD is looking for fourteen-year-old Amy Clareson," Michael called as he hung up the phone. 

**LEONARDO: **

"Guys? Anyone here? Gimme a hand, will ya?" 

I stood up from the couch, dropping the remote. The quiet conversation continued from the TV as I walked toward the entrance. "What's wrong?" I asked, rounding the corner. I should've waited another second to ask, and I would've seen. I cringed. 

"Is she alright?" I asked as I backed away. I cleared a path to the spare room. 

"Aside from the fact that she's unconscious and only weighs about fifty pounds?" Donatello replied. 

Another figure appeared at the top of the ladder and I froze. "S'alright, Leo," Donny informed me. "She's with me." 

I glanced once more at the girl easing down the ladder, then at Donatello. I followed him into the bedroom and watched as he set the pale, unconscious figure on the bed. "What happened?" I asked. It was very unlike Donny to bring people here. I knew he had to have a good reason. 

The girl who'd been following them pushed past me. "Her fucking father happened, that's what," she snarled. I watched as she moved to the side of the bed and sat down, taking one limp hand in hers. 

Donny felt her pulse, and rested his palm on her forehead. "I think she's alright," he mumbled. "But getting her some medical attention wouldn't hurt, by any means." 

**KATARINA: **

I walked over to April's door and discreetly glanced around to make sure I wasn't being watched. Nobody was interested in what I was doing. I turned the handle and stepped into the room. Raphael was in April's chair, his feet up on the desk and the keyboard on his lap. He glanced up and smiled, but didn't move until I shut the door behind me. "What are you doing here, Raph?" I sighed. 

He stood and moved fluidly to where I stood. "I was bored," he admitted. 

His hands circled my waist and I rested my palm against the side of his face. "You know, it's really not such a great idea for you to be hanging out at a news station, Mr. Breaking-News-Incarnate," I reminded him. 

He pulled me close and our lips met. I locked my fingers behind his neck, feeling his hands press to my back as he held me tightly, under my shirt. His thumbs rubbed over my skin and I took a deep breath as I pulled away slowly. "Desperate times call for desperate measures," he whispered, his hands roaming higher. His fingers slipped underneath the band of my bra, rubbing gently. 

I smiled and massaged the back of his neck. "You desperate?" I grinned. 

"I'm getting there," he whispered. 

He was actually _admitting _it. What an opportunity… I rested my head on my arm, still draped over his shoulder, and kissed his neck lightly. He moaned and pulled away. "Don't tease, Kat," he pleaded. 

I laughed quietly. So much for opportunity. He knew me too well. "Well, why'd you come here?" I asked. "I can't do anything more than tease you here." 

"Mmm," he acknowledged, brushing my hair back and kissing the side of my face. "Tell it to Monica Lewinski." 

I laughed again and kissed the side of his mouth. He turned to me and our lips parted, joining in a slow, deep kiss. His tongue spiraled around mine and I leaned into him. I didn't have to touch him to know he was getting hard. I could feel it in the way he kissed me. Desire was surging through him. My body mirrored the sensation, but I forced it aside. Not while I was supposed to be working. And _not _in April's office! I didn't like the thought of that. He knew it. He breathed deep as he pulled away slowly. We both struggled to get our emotions under control. 

"God, I want you, Kat," he gasped. 

"Not here," I begged, cringing at the words. 

He nodded slowly, painfully. "When do you get off work?" 

"Hopefully at eight," I answered. 

"Hopefully?" 

I sighed. "I might have to help out with the noon show." 

He nodded again and opened his eyes. I hugged him, wishing he didn't have to try and hide the pain he was obviously feeling. I'd hardly seen him in the past week. I'd been working double shifts, and going to school. School wasn't as hard as I'd thought it would be. But between that and the constant news shows, the only time I had off was spent sleeping, and there wasn't much of it. In the midst of the madness, I'd been evicted from my apartment after problems with the rent. Without Madonna's help, I couldn't pay it. It made no difference, really. I didn't have any time to spend there. It was just as well that I slept at the lair, on the rare occasion that I _did _sleep. 

"So what's with all the overtime all of a sudden?" he questioned, finding my hands. 

"We had four producers quit in two days," I reminded him. "That puts a strain on the staff, you know? Especially since there are only nine to begin with. We're, literally, at half-staff." 

He sighed. "How much longer is this going to go on?" 

"I don't know," I admitted, closing my eyes as I rested against him again. "Hopefully not too much longer." 

I felt his hands run up and down my back in the long silence that followed. "Kat?" he breathed. 

"Yeah?" 

"I miss you." 

I kissed his neck hard, wishing I could do more. "I know," I whispered back. 

**SASHA: **

I stood in the corner of the room and watched him work, rummaging through my purse for a cigarette. I knew he wouldn't hurt her intentionally, but I still wasn't sure I liked the idea of taking help from him. I didn't trust him. But it was either him or the police, and I trusted the police a lot less. 

"Is she alright?" I asked flatly, holding the cigarette in my lips and lighting it. 

He stood and towered over her. "Yeah, she'll be alright. But she belongs in a hospital." 

He glanced at me and I shook my head, pulling the cigarette away from my lips. "No," I answered, exhaling a cloud of gray smoke into the air. "Her father murdered her mother, and her brother. In cold blood. And there's no reason he won't come after her." 

For a moment, he just stared at me. "She'd be put under police protection," he informed after a brief silence. I took a long drag on the cigarette and glared at him. "I don't trust the police. They've turned their back on us before." 

He stared for a moment, as if he were debating whether or not to argue with me. He decided against it and glanced back down at Amy. "So what are you, a sister? Friend?" 

"Friend." 

He nodded quietly. "You said you know Raph," he mumbled after a long silence. 

"Raph?" I questioned, confused. "Oh. Raphael. Yes, we've met. I thought you were him for a minute." I raised the cigarette to my lips again. "He said something about a brother but I just didn't think about it." 

He sighed and walked over to me. He offered me a hand. "I don't think we've really been introduced," he reminded me. I stared at his hand for a moment before placing the cigarette between the fingers of my other hand and returning the gesture. "I'm Donatello. You can call me Donny. Or Don. Whatever you want. I answer to all three." 

He sounded as tired as he looked. I shook his hand loosely. "Sasha," I replied. 

He nodded. "That was Leonardo in here earlier," he informed me. "I'm sure Michaelangelo is already in bed. And you know Raphael." 

I glanced again at the still figure on the bed. "We've got another room if you want to go lie down," he informed me. 

I shook my head. "I'm going to stay with Amy for a while. Just in case she wakes up." 

He nodded. "I'm gonna crash for a few hours. I'll be back in the morning to check on her. If you need anything, my room is the second door on the right. Okay?" 

I smiled faintly and he glanced at Amy once more before he turned to the door. "Donny?" I called as he stepped out of the room. He turned back to me and I smiled, genuinely this time. "Thank you." 

He was drained. But he managed a tight smile before he left. 

**AMY: **

Dark room. I was out of bed and on my feet in a fraction of a second. My eyes darted around for a few moments before the vertigo finally hit me and the world closed in on itself. "Hey, relax," a voice behind me advised. I spun around so fast I nearly tripped over my feet. It didn't help me see the intruder any faster. The darkness from the head rush didn't clear for a few more seconds. "It's not good for your heart to wake up that fast." 

A dark figure was sitting in a chair with a laptop computer. I swallowed hard, and I remembered, a million thoughts flooding through me at once. Where was I? How had I gotten here? It wasn't human. It was watching me. What did it want? I had to get out of here. There was nowhere to run. 

"You alright?" it asked. I didn't answer. It knew I wouldn't, because he didn't wait very long. "Could you at least sit down? You have the look of a caged animal." 

"Where's Sasha?" I demanded. 

"She's here. In the living room. Just relax, okay?" 

I considered that, then finally sat back down on the edge of the bed. I didn't take my eyes off him as he typed for a few seconds, and closed the laptop. "My name's Donny," the figure informed me. "Donatello, actually, but you can call me Donny. You're safe here." 

Safe? Safe from what? Oh god, I suddenly remembered all of it… 

"You need anything?" Donny asked. "I see you ripped your IV out." I looked down at the bed again, and saw the thin tube attached to a bag of what looked like water. I suddenly noticed the dull ache in the back of my hand. "Are you hungry?" 

A wave of nausea swept over me at the thought of food. I clutched my stomach and tried to calm the feeling. "Bathroom," I whispered. 

"Yeah, okay. I'll show you where it is." 

I followed him at a safe distance. In the living room, Sasha was on the couch. She sprang to her feet, but made no move toward me. I was glad. In the bathroom, I shut the door behind me, dropped to my knees, and threw up. 

**MICHAELANGELO: **

She hadn't even noticed me on her way into the bathroom. Sasha stared after her for a moment, then sat back down hesitantly. I glanced at her. Sasha didn't say much. She only answered certain questions and never tried to continue a conversation. Reminded me of Raphael- the wonderful conversationalist. After a while, I'd given up. 

The girl was gone for almost a half-hour before the door finally opened and she peeked out hesitantly. "Hey," I greeted, half expecting her to duck back into the room like a frightened rabbit. She didn't. Instead, she just stared. "I'm Michaelangelo," I informed her as Donny stepped back into the room with a cup of coffee in his hand and his laptop under his arm. 

Her eyes widened a few notches, but she said nothing. "You wanna come outta there or are you gonna play hide-and-seek all day?" I questioned. 

Slowly, hesitantly, she opened the door and stepped out. She was wearing a long, white nightgown. I wasn't sure if it was just the light or if it really was that see-through. At any rate, it left little to the imagination since she had nothing on underneath it. Donny noticed it too and we both looked away reflexively. She needed some real clothes. Donny glanced at me, pleadingly. "Right," I mumbled, getting up. 

Sasha stood and walked over to her friend, placing her hands on her shoulders. "Are you okay? How do you feel?" she asked as I left the room. 

I didn't have a whole lot of clothing. I never needed it, for one, and couldn't fit in it for another. But I did have a robe, and that was probably the best thing I could offer anyway. 

She didn't see or hear me come up behind her. But I didn't realize that until I went to drape the robe over her shoulders and she jumped, screamed, and spun around. I shielded myself from flailing fists for a moment. When I looked back, she was leaning against the back of the couch, gripping it with white knuckles and breathing hard. Sasha was holding her, and glaring at me. 

"Sorry," I struggled. "I forgot you, uh, can't feel me coming." 

We all moved pretty quietly, out of habit. When it was just the four of us, it didn't make any difference because we could, literally, _feel _each other's presence. It was so natural, I didn't think about it. I was going to have to make a conscious effort to make some noise around her. 

Her grip on the couch loosened, and I fully extended my arm to hold the robe out to her. She stared at it for a moment, swallowed hard, and took a step forward. Then she took it out of my hands and quickly wrapped herself in it. "What's your name?" I questioned. 

Her eyes darted back and forth between Donny and me. "Amy," she answered hesitantly. 

"Amy…?" Don prodded. 

"Just Amy." 

I stayed a few feet away as I walked around her and sat down on the end of the couch again. She stared, frozen. 

"Well, Amy, you have pneumonia," Donny informed her. "But assuming that you have no severe or non-pneumococcal disease, which there are no features to indicate you do, as of now it's remained uncomplicated." 

"Non-numo-what?" I questioned. 

He shot me a pathetic look. "It's not serious," he paraphrased. He turned back to Amy. "I've had you on 500 milligrams of erythromycin four times a day. I figured there was less of a chance that you were allergic to that than ampicillin and I had to give you something. Are you allergic to any antibiotics?" 

She was staring at him with a dumbfounded look on her face. "How…?" she stammered. "How long have I been out?" 

"A day and a half," he answered simply. Her eyes got wide. 

"How did you give me… whatever it was if I was unconscious?" 

"Intravenously," Donny explained, nodding toward her hand. "That IV you yanked out." 

She gripped her hand instinctively and swallowed hard. "Are you…?" she stammered. "Are you a… doctor?" 

Donatello laughed. "Not legally, no. But I know quite a bit about the medical field." 

She nodded slowly. I could tell she was starting to relax a little. She looked around. "Where…? Where am I?" 

"This is where we live," I answered, smiling. "New York is pretty… tolerant of people's differences, but we're a little on the extreme side if you know what I mean." 

She studied me for a moment and cocked her head to one side. "Is it just you two?" she questioned. The words were quickly followed by a violent cough. She doubled over and clutched her sides. Sasha's arms circled her protectively. 

"Amy, how long have you had that cough?" Don asked as she tried to get her breathing under control. 

She took a few breaths and looked up at him hesitantly. "I dunno," she whispered. "I've always been real sick. As long as I can remember." 

"Is it a chronic illness?" 

"I dunno what that means," she admitted. 

"How old are you?" I interrupted. 

She glanced at me. "Fourteen." 

Wow. She looked younger than that. 

"Do you get that cough a lot?" Donny continued. "Or have frequent trouble breathing?" 

She shrugged and cast her eyes to the floor. "I dunno." 

"Have you ever gone to the hospital for it?" 

She shook her head fiercely. "I can't." 

"Why?" I questioned. 

Sasha glared at me, her eyes cold, but I didn't know why. "None of your business," she snapped. 

Alrighty then. Sasha obviously did not feel like talking right now. 

"You wanna sit down?" I offered to Amy, avoiding Sasha's gaze. 

She stared at me for a moment before hesitantly walking around the couch and sitting on the end opposite me. Sasha followed her. She curled her legs under her and made herself small. "Amy…" Donny started, as if he still wasn't sure he was actually going to finish the sentence. "You wanna tell me who you were running from the other night?" 

She tensed noticeably and there was a long silence. "My father," she finally breathed. 

Finally. Something to go on. Donny and I exchanged glances. "Why?" he asked. 

Tears flooded her eyes and almost instantly, they were streaming down her cheeks. "He killed them," she sobbed. "I know he did. And he would've killed me, too." 

Sasha cradled her. "It's okay, Amy. It wasn't your fault…" 

"What's the problem with talking to the police?" Donny questioned. 

Sasha shot a nasty look in his direction. "You shut the fuck up! You have _no idea _what you're talking about!" 

Amy began to sob, and the conversation was over, leaving so many questions unanswered. 

**KATARINA: **

The sun was still low on the horizon when I walked out of the station. I started slowly down the streets, mathematically calculating how many more steps I had to take before I would be home. It was a ridiculous equation, especially when I was half-asleep. But it kept me awake. 

I had a car. I just didn't bother to drive it. What difference did it make, when I lived in the sewers? Where would I park it when I drove it home? It had been different when I'd had my apartment. But I couldn't think about that right now. I needed to try and relax, not worry myself over things I couldn't fix right now. And that wound was still too fresh. 

Paying for my apartment had never been a problem with a roommate. But when she was killed, I was suddenly on my own. After a few months of struggling, and nearly killing myself with overtime and a second job, I'd decided to go to college. I knew I'd make more money with a degree. But in the mean time, I lost the apartment. With the costs of school piling up on top of everything else, I'd moved in with Raphael and the guys, beneath the city. I didn't mind, really. But I missed the privacy, and the normalcy, of an apartment. 

Down in the safety of the tunnels that ran underneath the city, I stared down at the dark gray cement passing under me. About five feet to my left, water was flowing steadily. God knows what else was flowing with it. I doubted I'd ever get used to the smell. One of the disadvantages to living in a place where there were no bills. I was just glad that the lair was secluded from all this. I couldn't handle this stench if it were constant. 

I yawned without drawing in a breath and shivered. I clutched my arms across my chest. It wasn't really cold down here. I was just tired. My body knew I was supposed to be sleeping, and my temperature was dropping accordingly. I could feel my mind slowly winding down. The muscles in my body were relaxing as I considered the thought of sleep. 

I wasn't paying attention… or I would've felt the danger. Instead, the first sensation I had was the feeling of being suddenly yanked off of my feet. I felt a hand around my waist, violently dragging me into the darkness before I had a chance to struggle. I gasped, but had no time to cry out before I was pressed to the wall, my hands pinned on either side of my head. 


	3. The Secret

The Secret 

**KATARINA:**

A million thoughts flashed through my mind in a fraction of a second. I tried to kick at the attacker, years of training having firmly embedded the reflexes to fight back. But he already had me pinned. Hard. There was no way I could break his grip and he… Wait a minute… 

Eyes open, I finally registered the sight. "Jesus, Raph!" I yelled at him, relief and fury flooding through me at the same time. "What the fuck are you doing! Trying to give me a heart attack?" 

He smiled slyly, but said nothing. I breathed hard for a few seconds, trying to slow my frantic heartbeat. He still had me pinned against the cement wall. He stared at me, not moving. Only slightly uncomfortable, I waited for him to let me go. He just stood there, watching me, still as a statue. "So what's the plan, stud?" I finally asked. "You gonna let me go? Or do you intend to do me right here?" 

His eyes raked over me. "I'm considering it." 

I grinned back. Subtle, wasn't he? "A bed would be nicer," I informed him. 

He growled low as he leaned into me and pressed his lips to my neck. I tilted my head, providing him easier access as he bit gently. "Who said anything about nice?" he rasped, his body pressing mine to the wall. 

**DONATELLO: **

She coughed violently and clutched her stomach as she doubled over on the couch. I glanced at her, but she waved my concern away. Sasha sat down next to her, resting a hand on her back. "You said you know what's wrong with her," she mumbled in my direction. 

"She has pneumonia," I answered. 

"How long will it take for her to get better?" 

"She's on antibiotics," I informed. "That should clear it up in a few days." 

I heard a quiet laugh from near the entrance and turned just as Raphael appeared. His arm was around Katarina's shoulder and a broad smile was on his lips. She leaned into him, laughing about a joke I hadn't heard. I stood up. "Hey Raph, where've you been?" 

Sasha looked up and turned slowly. "Had some business to take care of," he grinned. Katarina found that funny. I didn't want to know why. 

I felt Sasha stand next to me, leaving Amy on the couch. Raphael's eyes flashed to her and he did a double take. A strange look somewhere between horror and fascination crossed his face as their eyes locked. He opened his mouth as if he were preparing to say something, but he was not the one who spoke first. 

"Sasha?" 

"Katarina!" Sasha stepped forward. "How are you girl? I thought you left New York!" 

The two women embraced. I stared, shocked. Glancing around, I saw that Amy and Raph were just as surprised. "Wow, it's been a long time," Kat grinned, taking a step back. She held Sasha at arms length and glanced over her. 

"It has," Sasha agreed. 

"You look amazing, as usual," Kat smiled. 

"So do you." 

Finally, I found my voice. "Well, I see you two already know each other," I started. 

Kat turned to me. "We met years ago," she answered. "When I first returned to the states from Japan." 

I nodded. "Well, this is Amy," I introduced. Kat and Sasha separated and Amy smiled shyly. 

"Amy Clareson?" Kat asked, inspecting her carefully. 

Amy tensed. "How do you know my name?" 

"I work at a TV station," Kat informed. "Your name and face has been on TV all night long. The cops are looking for you." 

Sasha tensed. "Hey, Kat," she started. "We, uh, don't need any intervention from the cops right now." 

Kat stared at her for a moment. "What do you mean?" 

"Well, I trust you heard the rest of it?" Sasha mumbled. "What happened to her family? We don't want that happening to her, if you know what I mean." 

I glanced at Raphael and my eyes lingered for a moment. He was still staring at Sasha. Her eyes raised and met his. Electric sparks flew between them, almost _visible _in their intensity, and he looked away quickly. 

Kat and Sasha talked. Raphael's eyes fell to Amy. "Amy, this is Raphael," I prodded. 

He forced a nervous smile as he shook her hand. "Hey," he choked. 

Kat stared at him for a second before slipping her arm around his, locking their hands together. He tensed noticeably. "This is my best friend, Sasha," Amy told Raph quietly, making sure everyone had been introduced. Sasha and Raph looked at each other again. 

Sasha offered a hand. "Hello, Raphael," she smiled. He stared at her hand for a moment before taking it. I could feel the tension in the room shoot through the roof. 

"Hi." 

**RAPHAEL: **

She pulled me into the bedroom and shut the door. "What's the matter with you, Raph?" she asked, sounding both concerned and annoyed. 

I tensed and shifted nervously. "I dunno," I lied. "I just…" 

I shook my head, not able to finish the sentence. Her hand raised to the side of my face, caressing gently. I melted into her touch. "Raphael…" she whispered. 

I snaked my arms around her waist. "I'm okay," I sighed, taking a deep breath and trying to get my raging emotions under control. It wasn't going to happen. 

Visions flashed. _"So are you the lonely executive type?" _God, I had never expected to see her again. Especially not now, years later. What the hell was she doing here? _Her fingers roaming over my body, exploring gently… _

_"Wanna have some fun?" _

_"Maybe." _

_"Tell me, Raphael. How do you do it?" _

_"Any way you want it." _

"Raphael?" 

I snapped back into reality and took Kat's wrist, pulling her hand away from me. "S'alright, baby," I mumbled, putting my thoughts on hold. I smiled at her faintly. "I'm okay. Really." 

"Something you need to tell me?" 

I tensed as I considered that she might already know. The look in her eyes was curious, but not suspicious. She didn't know. I didn't want her to know. I didn't want to bring up things from the past. I'd done some stupid things in my life, and I wasn't about to drag them all into the present. I knew I was treading on thin ice. But I needed some time to think before I said anything. 

"No," I assured her. I leaned down and kissed her briefly. "I just… I need to take care of some things, okay?" 

She stared at me, shocked. "Now?" 

"I just remembered," I lied. I needed to get out of here or I was going to dig myself into a hole, one way or the other. 

The surprised look on her face was too much. I couldn't help but smile. "It's okay, baby," I whispered, brushing the side of her face with the backs of my fingers. 

"What's wrong with you?" she questioned. Her voice echoed concern. 

I wrapped my arms around her and held her to me tightly, capturing her lips. She kissed me back, and the tension slowly eased from her body. I forced all thoughts of Sasha aside and smiled at Katarina. I stepped back, pulling her with me toward the bed. "You need to rest," I informed her, unlocking my hands from behind her. "Put your arms up," I ordered gently. 

She complied, and I raised her shirt over her head. She stood still, watching me as I undressed her. I could feel her eyes burn into me. Rising to face her again, I ran my hands over her sides, memorizing the soft curves of her body. I eased her onto the bed and pulled the blankets around her. She clasped her hands behind my neck, not letting me pull away. "Stay with me a while, Raphael," she whispered. 

I cringed. God, I wanted to. But even as I considered it, visions of Sasha flashed across the back of my eyes. No. I needed time to get my thoughts in order. "I really need to go," I mumbled. 

"It can wait, can't it?" 

I pulled the blankets between us, still aching for the soft feel of her skin against mine, and kissed her neck as I backed away. "I love you, Kat." 

She didn't argue with me any further. I caught her hands and kissed the inside of her wrist. "I love you too," she sighed. 

I left. 

**LEONARDO: **

"So did you live with Amy?" 

Sasha glanced up at me, then over at the figure asleep on the couch. "Sometimes." 

"What do you mean, sometimes?" 

She shrugged, and didn't answer. She didn't like answering questions about her life. But if she was going to be here for any length of time, she was going to explain a few things. "What do you do?" 

She looked up, an innocent expression on her face. "Do?" 

"Job," I clarified. 

She began inspecting her nails. She didn't like the question. "I have a few jobs." 

She was pretty good at avoiding an answer, but I knew her game. I'd been playing it with Raphael for years. "Such as?" 

She grinned at me. "Maybe I'm a drug dealer," she suggested. 

It was meant to throw me off guard. But it didn't work. The truth was, I'd already thought of that. "Maybe?" I questioned, my voice monotone. "Or you are?" 

"Would that scare you?" 

I laughed. "There's not a lot that scares me, Sasha." 

"Mmm," she acknowledged. "What does?" 

"Besides," I continued, ignoring her question. "From the looks of it, you _do _drugs. Most dealers don't try what they sell." 

Now it was her turn to be shocked. "What do you mean, from the looks of it?" she demanded. 

I nodded toward her arms, and the tell-tale lines that circled them. "You shoot up." 

She studied me for a moment, her eyes steady on mine. "Yeah, Leonardo. I shoot up. Does that bother you?" 

"Yes," I answered honestly. "But I can deal with it. As long as you don't bring it in here. My question is, where do you get the money?" 

I could see the frustration in her eyes as she realized that she hadn't managed to avoid the question, for all of her trying. I smiled inwardly. I knew my strategy to this game. "I'm a receptionist," she shot at me. "And a model. Among other things." 

Damn. She was good. She was forcing me to choose which avenue I wanted to pursue. I chose the less obvious. "What kind of modeling work?" 

She stared at her manicured nails. "I used to pose for Playboy." From the way she said it, I could tell she was going for shock value. Once again, it didn't work. I also knew that she may or may not be telling me the truth, for the simple fact that she was trying to throw me off course. 

"Really?" I challenged. 

"Yeah," she answered. "December issue, two years ago, I was the centerfold. You see it?" 

I shook my head. "Not interested." 

She smiled. "Yeah," she mumbled. "You don't seem like the type." 

She was shifting the conversation to me again. And she _still _hadn't answered my question. "So what kind of modeling do you do now?" I redirected. 

She studied me for a moment. "Whatever I can get." 

I heard arguing in the other room, and looked over the back of the couch. Raphael. I sighed. Sasha smiled. "Duty calls, huh?" she grinned, taking great satisfaction in the fact that I still hadn't gotten a satisfactory explanation. 

*** 

They didn't even notice me when I walked into the room. 

"Look, Donny, I don't care how they got here. I want to know how long they're going to be here." 

Donatello sighed. "Raphael, how do you want me to answer that? I don't know, okay? Amy still needs medical attention and…" 

"That's what _hospitals _are for, Donatello," Raph shot. 

Don crossed his arms over his chest, slightly irritated. "Well, if you had been _listening _to me, you'd know that I already thought of that." 

Raphael stared at him for a moment, a dumbfounded look on his face. "What?" 

Donny sighed. "Just cool it, Raph, okay?" he pleaded. "Regardless of how or why, it's obvious she needs help." 

"Amy needs help," Raph pointed at him. "Sasha can leave." 

"Why?" I asked. They both turned to me, as if I were an intruder. "Why do you want us to kick her out so bad?" 

"She's Amy's support person," Donny continued, not giving Raph a chance to answer. I wished he would have. "She needs to stay. For Amy's sake." 

I looked to Raph, waiting to see if he would challenge that. He didn't. He turned and walked out of the room with a growl, nearly knocking Mike over in the process. Mikey stared after him. "What's _his _problem?" he questioned as he stepped into the room. 

"Who knows," Donny sighed. 

Michaelangelo shrugged off the near-confrontation and licked at the popsicle in his hand. "Find anything, Don-san?" 

Donatello turned to his computer. "Yeah, actually, I did." He sat down and typed for a few seconds. "Like Kat said, the police are looking for an Amy Clareson. It's been all over the news. Police are saying they think it was a robbery gone bad. Mother was raped and killed. Four-year-old boy is in critical at the hospital. Life support, at the moment. Police are looking for this man." 

He sat back and I peered at the screen. It was a mug shot of a dark-haired man with tanned skin. A dark scar ran along his forehead. "Yep, he's definitely your average psychopath killer," Mike laughed. 

"Who called the police?" I questioned. 

"The apartment manager. I'm working on getting a copy of the police report." 

"Kat can probably get it from work," Mike suggested. "She's been able to do that before." 

Donny shrugged. "Yeah. Or I can get it from the police. Doesn't really matter. I don't think it'll tell us much, anyhow." 

"Has he been arrested?" I asked. 

"Multiple times, though not for this if that's what you mean. He's the prime suspect. Different last name, though. I'm not entirely sure this is her father." 

"So let's find his ass and beat some info out of him," another voice shot. I spun and saw Raph in the doorway. He'd returned with a beer in hand. I sighed. "I don't think Amy'd mind if we…" 

"Knock it off, Raph," I ordered, not in the mood for his impatience. "This is no time to go rushing headlong into..." 

"Fuck you, Leo," he answered casually, not even bothering to look at me. 

I stared at him for a moment as he walked into the room and stood next to Mike. Something was _definitely _wrong with him. Not that it was strange for him to snap at me, but his tone over the last few minutes made it obvious that something was bothering him. He wasn't just being his normal, obnoxious-but-sadistically-playful self. I tucked the note away in an obscure corner of my mind and turned my attention back to Donatello. "If she won't tell us anything, we have no right to get involved." 

"Great," Raphael mumbled. "So why the hell is she here?" 

I glared at him. He was being more of a problem than a solution and it was starting to piss me off. "Raph, will you cut it out?" I snapped. "You're not helping matters any." 

I felt a presence behind me and turned to see a thin, frail figure standing at the door. She was clutching a light green robe around her, her eyes tired and sad. _She's just a child. _The thought hit me out of nowhere, but it was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw her. It was hard to believe what she'd allegedly lived through in the past few days. 

Her eyes hit the floor for a moment. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Am I interrupting?" 

She sounded tired and exhausted. I knew Donny had given her a mild sedative, and I wondered if that had anything to do with it. I was guessing it did. 

Donny stood and pushed past us. "You should be in bed," he told her. 

She shook her head. "I'm not tired." Her eyes raised again. "They're dead, aren't they?" 

"Who?" Donny asked, although he already knew. 

She sighed and leaned sideways against the door. "My mother and brother." 

"Amy, what did you see?" I asked. "Why do you say that?" 

She turned her head and didn't answer. "Amy, we want to help you," Donny assured her. "But you have to be honest with us." 

She breathed deep a few times, and tears filled her eyes. "I need to sit down," she whispered. 

**AMY: **

_New York. A million miles away from home. From him. We thought we were safe. Of course, we'd though that before. But he had managed to get to me. Distance meant nothing to him when the law was on his side. His side. How had that ever happened? It's so wrong…, _

_But this is New York. And Mom figures he'll never find us here. I hope she's right. _

_I close my eyes, listening to the sounds of the city. It's all so unfamiliar. So unlike home. I hear a noise. A knock at the door. The clock reads 10:00. Fear floods through me. Mom isn't home. I pray it's not him. The door is locked. I remember locking it. He can't get in unless... _

_Timmy! No! _

_I dart out of bed, dropping the blankets on the floor. But I'm too late. He's inside the apartment, holding Timmy a few feet off the floor. The four-year-old wraps him in a loving embrace. "We've missed you, Daddy!" he cries. _

_Oh god, no... This isn't happening. He looks up at me and smiles warmly. Every muscle in my body tenses. "Hi, Ames, how are you, baby?" _

_I have no voice. I cannot scream. He sets Timmy on the floor and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me. He kisses me. Too long and too hard. I can feel his hands run up and down my back. I want to cry out, but I can't make my voice work. "Hey, Timmy, why don't you go get Daddy something to drink?" _

_"Sure!" _

No! Timmy! Don't leave me here! 

_He's gone. The man turns to me again and brushes his hand along the side of my face. "I've missed you, Ames." _

_His lips meet mine again, and they part. I can feel the tears sting my eyes. His hands run down my sides, his tongue probing at me, violating me. I feel lifeless as my body and soul separate. It is a natural reaction, and one I cannot control. I don't have to think about it. I step back and watch myself kiss him back, powerless against him. And I feel sick... _

"My mother walked in," I told them, my voice emotionless. "Sasha was with her. She spends a lot of time with us because…" She hesitated. "Well, it doesn't really matter. My mother saw him there and started screaming. And he hit her to make her stop." 

I didn't look up at the figures around me. I couldn't face them. I couldn't face myself. "My mom keeps a can of mace in her purse, and she tried to get that, but he was already on top of her. He hit her a few times and she... passed out, I guess. And I don't really know what happened after that. The next thing I knew, Sasha and I were running." I hid my face in my hands. "I left them there. I left my brother and my mom. And he killed them." 

I felt tears sting my eyes. I was numb, unable to speak. A hand came to rest on my shoulder. "I think you should go to the police," Donatello's voice whispered. 

"No," I answered. "They'll send me back." 

"Back where?" 

"To live with him." 

Donny sighed and retracted his arm. "Amy, if he's a suspect in a murder..." 

"He's not," I whispered. "They won't suspect him." 

"With an eyewitness report, they fuckin' _better _suspect him," Raphael shot angrily. 

I shook my head, staring down at the floor. I had _no _faith in the judicial system. Years of betrayal had taught me not to trust anyone. Except for my mother. I felt fluid in my lungs and doubled over as I coughed. It was getting better now. I could breathe easier. But I still coughed a lot. It hurt, but it was worse _not _to cough. 

"They have a warrant out for his arrest," Donny informed me. 

I shook my head. "That's not him." 

"What's not him?" 

"The picture you were looking at. On the internet. That wasn't him." 

There was a moment of silence. Sasha walked into the room and looked around. Raphael tensed noticeably. "Why would you even think they'd send you to live with him?" Leonardo asked. Raphael stood and left. His brothers looked after him, but nobody said anything. 

I bowed my head slowly. "My father has legal custody of me and my brother. My mother kidnapped us to bring us here." 

I could feel the shock radiate through the room. "He molested you and _he _ended up with custody?" 

I nodded, remembering the courtroom. I was eleven, and they wouldn't let me take the stand. It wasn't a criminal case. We'd already lost that one. "I used to live in Florida. My parents divorced and they got joint custody after we lost the criminal case against my dad. So my mom took us to Virginia, but he found us and had me and my brother taken away. He dragged her back to court and ended up with sole custody. He took us all over the country, but we eventually ended up back in Florida. Then my mom kidnapped us and ran to New York. It was just a few weeks ago that we came here. A little over a month." 

They were dumbfounded. All of them. Except for Sasha. She already knew this story. She had helped my mother rescue me, and for that, I would be eternally grateful. She came and sat next to me, curling her arm around my shoulders. I closed my eyes and sighed, surprised at how little I felt. I was too tired to feel. "We had birth certificates and social security cards forged," Sasha continued for me. "That's why they didn't find her. If they had, they would've taken her to jail. And Amy and Timmy would've gone back to their father." 

There was a long silence. Finally, I looked up. "If you want me to leave," I whispered, "I'll leave. But please don't try and make me go to the cops." 

I made brief eye contact with each one of them, my glance finally coming to rest on Donny. He looked to Leonardo. Nobody said a word. 

SASHA: 

"If you want to stay here, there's a few things we need to get straight." 

Leonardo towered over us, trying to be intimidating. For Amy's part, he was succeeding. But I did not spook easily. "First and foremost, _no _outside visitors. Clear? That's _extremely _important. And always check with somebody before you leave. It's not that we're being nosey, it's a matter of security. If you disappear, we want to know where to start looking for you. And being associated with us, disappearances aren't out of the question." 

"The other option is that I can put a tracer underneath the skin on the back of your hand," Donny continued, sighing. I raised my eyebrows. These guys were serious. "Don't make it come to that." 

_If you ever tried to force me to have a tracing device planted in my body, your lair wouldn't remain secret for very long, _I threatened silently. 

"And if it ever _did _come to that, we _would _get the device implanted," Leonardo threatened, reading my thoughts. How did he do that? "And if you decided to make our presence known, we'd know _exactly _where to find you." 

_I could have it taken out. _

"The device is so small that no tests could detect it was even there," Donatello informed, staring at me intently. "In fact, you wouldn't even wake up if you were asleep when we implanted it." 

"You don't need to threaten," Amy whispered, her voice shaky. "We wouldn't do anything to harm you guys. Not after you're helping us like this." 

_Speak for yourself, Amy. Anybody touches me, they all die. _

"It's also important for your safety," Mike informed Amy. "If your father is looking for you, we don't want him to know where to find you." 

And for that reason alone, I intended to keep this hiding place a secret. I knew he was looking for her. And I didn't want any harm to come to her. 

Leo turned to me. "No drugs," he ordered. "None, understand? And no cigarettes. I don't care if you do that outside, but I don't want to breathe it. And the first time you bring anything more than that back in your purse, you're out. Understand?" 

I stared back at him, saying nothing. "I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, Sasha. It's your choice. I don't expect you to stay in the lair all the time because I know that whatever wild life you have won't allow for that." 

"What's so _wild _about my life, Leonardo?" I challenged just as Raphael walked back into the room. 

"You tell me," he snapped. For a moment, I considered the possibility that he might know more than I wanted him to. "Or don't. But don't bring it in my house." 

House. Interesting choice of words. I wasn't going to call him on it. It wasn't important enough at the moment. "For as long as you stay here, you abide by my rules or you get out. Clear?" 

"Ah, is this the best-friend-or-worst-enemy speech?" Raphael smirked. We all turned to him and watched as he raised a beer bottle to his lips. "Word to the wise, girls," he continued, a sadistic grin on his face as his eyes met mine. "You want him to be your friend." 

With a quiet laugh, he walked away. 

**SASHA: **

Rob Zombie was playing in the background. The man, I think his name was Adam, moaned and pressed down on me, hard. I could barely breathe, but I knew not to say anything. I faked a rising orgasm, and that put him over the edge. He came hard, pounding into me. Great. I was going to have bruises. Oh well. Wouldn't be the first time. 

I let him finish and he backed away, gasping. "You're great, babe." 

I scowled at him. "Right." 

He laughed. "What?" he smiled. "What'sa matter? That wasn't good for you?" 

I'm not sure why, but Zombie never seemed to put me in the romantic mood. Not that sex always had to be romantic. But this was different. It wasn't supposed to be enjoyable. 

I stood up from the bed and dressed slowly. "You want a fix before you leave?" he asked, still sprawled naked on the sheets. 

I looked back at him. "What do you got?" 

He grinned. "Only the best." 

"Who'd you get it from?" 

"Rock Stevensin." 

I eyed him suspiciously. I knew Rock. I usually couldn't afford his merchandise. He'd afforded mine a few times, though. "Hey, baby, no jokin'. But if you're not interested, hey, more for me." 

I placed my hands on my hips, dressed except for my shirt. "Alright," I agreed. "Show me what you got." 

He stood and left the room, returning a moment later with a brown paper sack. I watched as he prepared the hit, holding the spoon over the flame from a lighter. I sat down on the edge of the bed and grabbed the rubber strip from the bag. I tied it around my upper arm as he pulled the fluid through the needle on a syringe. "So you want me to do this for you?" he asked, flicking the tube to rid it of air. 

"I can do it," I assured him. 

He handed me the needle and I pressed it to the inside of my elbow. Almost immediately, I felt the drug's powerful surge. I moaned softly as I withdrew the syringe. Now _this _was so much better than sex… 


	4. Fears

Fears 

**AMY: **

I watched the flurry of motion with wide eyes. I wasn't normally up at this time of the morning. Normally, I was too tired. Nightmares usually kept me up most of the night. But last night, I had been too tired to dream. So now I was awake at seven, watching the sparring session. Raphael had paired with Donny against their two brothers. At first, they seemed almost casual. But as time went by, the sparring got intense, to the point where my eyes couldn't even follow it. Every movement was an extension of the last, and they all flowed together so quickly, I couldn't tell where one ended and another began. But I knew when it ended. 

I think it was his legs that got attacked. But I couldn't tell you exactly _how _Raphael ended up on the floor. Michaelangelo stood over him, weapons in hand, and the fighting stopped. "You okay, bro?" Mike asked, sounding concerned. 

Raphael glared at him as he rose to his feet. "I'm _fine_," he snarled. 

A subtle shock crossed Mikey's face. "I've never been able to catch you like that before… I wasn't expecting something so simple to…" 

"Dammit, Mikey, lay off!" Raph shot at him. I cowered as he stormed past me, out of the training room. I was noticed for the first time. 

"Oh, hey, Amy," Mike greeted, suddenly his normal, cheerful self. 

I waved my fingers slightly, but kept my hands crossed over my chest. "I think we're done," Leo sighed to his brothers. 

Leo and Mike left the room without further acknowledging me. Leonardo said something in another language as he passed me, but it wasn't aimed in my direction. Michaelangelo laughed. I turned my attention back to Donny. "How are you?" I asked quietly. 

He twirled the_ bo_ expertly in front of him. "I'm okay," he answered, not looking at me. "You?" 

I didn't bother to shrug, because he couldn't see me. I sighed. "Well, you look busy so I'll…" 

"No," he interrupted, stopping his twirling and looking toward me. "No, don't leave." A smile crossed his face and he held out a hand to me. "Come here. Take your shoes off first." 

I stared at him for a moment, not sure what to say. "Donny, you know I don't know the first thing about martial arts," I mumbled. 

"I'll teach you," he grinned. "Easy stuff. Come on." 

His hand was still outstretched. Hesitantly, I kicked my shoes off and stepped onto the blue mat. As I approached him, he moved behind me. He positioned my hands on the long staff, folding my thumb over my forefinger. "Spread your legs apart, until your feet are against mine." 

I complied, feeling secure and steady against him. "This is called the right _Zenkutsu-Dachi_. That means forward stance. Use your right hand to lead." He guided my arms into position, pressing hard against my back. "Now you're going to thrust the _bo _back to the rear left," he instructed, his hands over mine. "So you need to loosen your grip a little." 

I let him ease me through the movement. "Now tighten your grip again, you're going to attack." 

I swallowed hard and he laughed. He must have felt me tense. "Relax. It's not hard, I promise. Put your weight forward, on your right leg." 

I complied, and felt him shift with me very slowly. "And thrust the staff forward," he instructed while we were still moving. I let his strength guide the weapon, slowly but forcefully, into its attack. "That's called a _Tsuki-Komi_." 

"What's that mean?" I questioned, feeling myself relax. This was actually kind of fun. 

"Dagger thrust to the stomach," he interpreted. "Then shift your weight back, go back to your original stance…" I moved with him easily. "And you're done." 

I smiled. "Really? That's it?" 

"That's it," he affirmed. 

"Wow," I grinned, feeling the hard wood beneath my palms. His hands were still wrapped around mine. My fingers were buried under his. "That's cool," I whispered. 

He laughed quietly. "Want me to teach you a few more?" he asked. 

I looked over my shoulder at him and for the first time, I realized just how close he was. I tensed, instinctively. I'd never been this close to a man before, except for my father. Then again, Donatello wasn't exactly… Yes, he was. What else could I call him? He wasn't an animal. And to call him a mutant was, to me, a lot like implying he was a freak of nature. I didn't see him that way. I _couldn't _see him that way. He was so much more… 

"Yeah," I whispered, smiling. "Teach me more." 

**RAPHAEL: **

"Where's Katarina?" Sasha asked, coming into the living room. I tensed as I glanced over the back of the couch at her. I didn't like being alone in the same room with her. 

_What the hell, Raph, _I chastised myself. _You're an adult, for cryin' out loud. You had sex with her during your wild teen years. Ancient history. Let it lie. _

But that was easier said than done. The years hadn't changed her. She was still hot as hell. The visions flashed whether I wanted them to or not. And I _didn't_. I didn't want anything to do with her. She needed to leave. I didn't want to face this. 

"Kat's at school," I mumbled, trying to relax. 

"Really? She didn't tell me she'd gone back to school." 

"Not gone back," I corrected. "She never went to begin with. But she decided to give it a shot when she found out she could make twice as much with a degree." 

She nodded. "Sweet," she mumbled. I looked away, avoiding her gorgeous smile. She was a model, I remembered. Shit, she _looked _like a model. Damn it! "You got anything to drink here?" 

"In the fridge," I invited. "Take whatever you want." 

She left and returned a moment later with a beer in hand. She stood at the end of the couch, watching the quiet TV. I wasn't really paying attention to it, and it was nearly muted. I had other things on my mind. My thoughts followed a pretty regular pattern. They started with Sasha and ended with Kat. 

"So how long have you been with her?" Sasha questioned. 

I tensed again. _Stop it, Raphael. It's just conversation. It wouldn't bother you if anyone else asked it. _

"About six months," I answered quietly. 

She nodded slowly. "Long time." 

"Yeah," I mumbled. 

She paused for a moment and raised the bottle to her lips. "Is she good?" she asked. 

The question startled me. "S'cuse me?" I questioned, turning to her. 

She smiled coyly. "In bed," she clarified. "Is she good?" 

_That's enough! _Warning signals flashed in my mind and I stood up to leave. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of here. "I have to go," I mumbled. 

She grabbed my arm as I tried to pass, and I stopped. She slid in front of me, her fingers trailing down my arms. The cold bottle touched my skin, awakening the nerve endings in my lower arm. Ancient history. Right. I tensed and set my jaw in defiance. I was _not _going to allow this. "You need to step back, Sasha," I warned her. 

"Why?" she cooed, smiling. "Afraid your new girlfriend might find out?" 

Yes. I was terrified that Kat would walk in at any moment. Or one of my brothers, for that matter. I could imagine what Leo would think. But it was more than just the fear of getting caught. I didn't like what she was doing, or how obvious she was being about it. "Is Kat a jealous woman, Raphael?" she whispered, draping her arms over my shoulders. Her smooth, soft skin rested against my neck and I felt her leg slide between mine. 

I could feel the heat in my thighs as I hardened. _Traitor! _I shot angrily at my body. _Don't you even fucking _think _of touching her. _I swallowed hard, trying desperately to hide my body's reaction to this woman. I didn't love her, I didn't want her, and I didn't want to admit that I was attracted to her. But I wasn't blind. I couldn't deny that she was gorgeous. It was instinct to be turned on by her. 

Damn instinct. Damn attraction. I wasn't as stupid as I had been all those years ago. Now I knew the difference between love and lust, and I knew what I wanted. I _loved _Katarina. And I would never give that up for any amount of sexual attraction. 

"Back up, Sasha," I threatened again. 

She leaned into me and kissed my neck, and I jerked back, grabbing her wrists with lightning-quick reflexes. "Don't start with me," I growled. 

She smiled seductively up at me. "I don't want to start with you, Raph," she whispered. "I want to finish with you." 

She leaned into me again and I slammed her to the wall, pinning her wrists on the sides of her head. She gasped, momentarily shocked, and stared at me with a stunned, confused look on her face. Then, slowly, the look of surprise fell. And she smiled again. "Violent, aren't we?" she breathed. She moved her leg between mine and rubbed hard, back and forth against the inside of my thigh. "I like that. You wanna hold me down, Raphael? Fuck me hard? Maybe tie me to the bed? It's whatever you want, baby…" 

I pushed away from her violently. "Don't fuck with me, Sasha," I snarled, pointing at her. "I'm warning you." 

"Or else what?" she challenged. "You gonna spank me?" 

Her eyes raked over me and I tensed. Confused, angry, and hating my traitorous body, I spun and retreated to my room, locking the door behind me. 

**AMY: **

_It's happening again. I know it. I know it's a dream, and yet I can't stop it. All I can do it watch, fear flooding through me. I wake up. I hear voices. Donny... Mike... Someone else. It's him. An inhuman scream, and a child cries. I sit up, clutching the blankets to my chest as I realize that I'm naked. And he's standing at the foot of my bed. No, please! _

_"Are you okay, baby? I heard you crying…" _

_My mother appears, and a scream makes my blood run cold. She fades, disintegrating into nothingness and my eyes snap open. I'm in a dark room, sitting up. I can hear my own breathing. I gasp as a hand runs over my body, stopping to probe between my legs. I try to struggle and he grips the inside of my thigh, bruising the soft flesh. Tears are streaming down my face. "Just relax, Amy… You know I don't want to hurt you…" _

_Soft kisses on my neck. "I wanna make you feel good, sweetie…"_

I bolted upright, clasping the blankets around me with white knuckles. I was alone. And I was shaking. I gasped cool breaths of air and coughed, my chest heaving. Tears were streaming down my face, and I made no attempt to stop them. I prayed the dream was over. I pleaded that this wasn't just another part of it. I hated not knowing if I was awake or if the darkness could still manifest into some unknown horror. I hated waking up to see him there. But he wasn't here now. There was nothing but stillness in the room. 

Still shaking violently, I slipped out from under the covers and pulled the robe tightly across my chest. I could feel the icy floor beneath my bare feet. It was too real to be part of another dream. Good. I didn't know if I could stand to dream anymore. 

I slipped out of the room, not sure where I was going. I ended up in the kitchen. For whatever crazy reason, I ended up washing dishes. And I ended up breaking one of them with the sudden realization that I wasn't as alone as I thought I was. 

"Amy?" 

I gasped as every nerve in my body reacted to the unexpected voice. The plate slipped through my soap-slicked hands and crashed against the sink, shattering into a million tiny fragments. I stared at it in horror. "Omigod," I gasped, desperately wanting to clean up the mess but not sure how to go about doing it. "I'm so sorry!" 

I glanced up to see Donatello standing in the doorway. A concerned look was on his face. I looked away quickly and reached for one of the larger pieces of the plate. A green, three-fingered hand caught my wrist. I gasped. I hadn't even heard him move away from the door. I froze, not sure what to expect from him. I prayed he was more like my mother than my father. She would be sarcastic and criticize my clumsiness as I cleaned it up; but my father would be absolutely furious. Donny was neither. 

"It's okay," he assured me. "Don't worry about it." 

I turned my face to him, not sure what to say. He inspected my hand and I suddenly noticed the pain. I was bleeding from a thin, superficial cut along my forefinger. It must have happened when the plate broke. I hadn't even noticed it at first. Don raised my finger to his lips and kissed the wound, licking away the blood. I stared at him, shocked, and he guided my hand to my side. _Okay, what the hell was that…?_

"Um," he mumbled, looking toward the sink. He didn't seem at all affected by the gesture of intimacy. Maybe he didn't mean it like that… "What are you doing?" 

It took me a moment to find my voice. "I was, uh, washing dishes." 

"I see that," he nodded. He cast a questioning glance in my direction. "At three in the morning?" 

I shrugged and looked away. I still wasn't entirely sure what to make of him. It was quiet for a long moment. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter. "Are you okay?" he questioned, concern echoing in his voice. 

I nodded, keeping my eyes down. "Why aren't you asleep?" 

My mind wandered through the millions of answers I could give him, but I said nothing. He didn't pressure me. I breathed deep, somewhat surprised by the feeling settling in me. I glanced at him and saw him smiled faintly. The nervous tension was fading. I was actually almost _comfortable _around him. It was almost as if I could let down my guard. Why did I feel like that? I'd never felt that before in my life. Not with anyone. I always felt like I had something to hide. But it just seemed as if there was no reason to _want _to hide anything from him. I shivered as that thought ran through me. 

Maybe it was because I didn't feel like he was after anything. He wasn't trying to pressure me or get me to talk like the counselors I'd been told I could trust. He didn't want my body, like my father, or want me to be perfect, like my mother. He didn't want anything. He was just… standing. And he wasn't trying to fill in the silence. It was as if it didn't bother him. I glanced over, and our eyes met. 

He smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder, brushing my hair back. "You alright?" 

"No," I whispered hesitantly. I waited a few seconds for a reaction. He didn't react. "No, I'm not alright," I finally finished. "I'm scared, Donny." 

He didn't seem shocked. In fact, his face showed absolutely no emotion. "Why?" he asked quietly. There was no threat to his voice. It wasn't a demand. He almost sounded curious. 

I swallowed hard. "What if he finds me?" 

He shook his head and brushed his fingers along the side of my face. "He's not gonna find you down here, I guarantee it." 

"But what if he _does_?" I pleaded. 

He pushed off of the counter and came closer to me. I tensed as he placed his hands on my shoulders. Unsure of myself, and of everything around me, I bowed my head. "Then he'll have four _ninjas _to get through before he can get to you, Amy," he reminded me. "That's no easy task." 

His voice was reassuring . I couldn't help but smile faintly. His hand reached up and brushed my hair behind my ear. I looked up, surprised that I wasn't more intimidated by the touch. "I know," I admitted. "I mean, it's stupid for me to feel like this. How could he possibly find me here, right?" 

I forced a smile. But tears brimmed my eyes even as I did it, and I pulled away, turning my back to him. I hid my face in my hands and sobbed quietly. There was a moment of stillness and I felt Donny's hands come to rest on my shoulders again. "Come on, Amy," he mumbled. "Let me help you back to bed." 

**JEFF: **

"You shoulda gone after the girl," Rick informed me. "The hell with the little kid. He wouldn't hold up in court anyhow." 

"Ames?" I questioned, tossing a shot back in my throat. "Nah. I don't think I'll have to worry too much 'bout her." 

"You think not?" he challenged. 

I shrugged. "Amy's not all there. And it's not hard to see that. No jury'll take her seriously if she _did _testify. And I don't think she would. She's too damn scared to try anything like that." I considered the thought for a moment, staring down at the empty shotglass. "I do miss her, though," I added quietly. 

"Yeah, right," Rick laughed. 

"No, really, I do," I answered seriously. "She's really a sweet woman." 

"Woman, hell, she's what? Thirteen?" 

"Fourteen last week," I mumbled. 

"She's a little young fer you. Not ta mention she's you're fuckin' _daughter_." 

He laughed. I didn't find it funny. "She's not really my daughter, you know," I informed him, waving at the bartender. "Deana had a fling right before we got married. She's not biologically mine. She don't know that, though." 

He considered that for a moment. I ordered a beer. "I been thinkin' about lookin' for her," I mumbled. 

"Shit, Jeff, you and every cop in NYC," he laughed. "They ain't found her yet, what makes you think you can?" 

I smiled faintly. "I know where her boyfriend lives. Chances are, she'll pay him a visit." 

"Oh, she's got a boyfriend?" 

I shrugged. "I guess. He's older than her. High school guy. I've only seen him once or twice." 

"Shit, how long you been stalkin' her?" 

I laughed out loud. "My entire life, Rick," I grinned. "My entire fucking life." 

**SASHA: **

I glanced at the clock. It was almost dark. Time to go. I fixed my hair and makeup, and slipped into a fresh set of clothes I'd borrowed from Kat. I was glad we wore the same size. 

I didn't get much further than that. Raphael stopped me at the stairs. "Where are you going?" he demanded. 

I turned to him. "Why do _you _care?" 

"You're staying in my place," he reminded me. "I have a right to know. Besides…" He smiled wickedly. "You know the rules." 

I leaned against the wall, smiling at him. "Is that it, Raphael?" I questioned. "You looking out for my safety? Or are you just nosey?" 

"Yeah Sasha," he growled back at me. "I'm nosey. And I also think you're doing drugs." 

I glared at him. "Raphael, it's none of your fucking business what I do with my body. You don't want it, so what do you care?" I smiled. 

A hardened look crossed his face as he considered that. "How do you afford drugs, Sasha, when you don't have a place to stay?" 

"Who says I don't have a place to stay?" 

"If you did, you'd at the very least go back and get some clothes." 

His voice was accusatory. Fine. "You really wanna know, Raph?" I grinned evilly. I stepped toward him and he tensed. I rested my hands on his shoulders. "You wanna know how I afford my drugs? Okay. Fine." I ran my fingers over his skin, feeling the muscles tighten. 

"I fuck people for money, Raphael," I whispered into his ear, pressing into him. I pulled away and stared into his eyes. His face was expressionless. "A prostitute. Does that bother you?" 

"Back up," he growled at me, grabbing my wrists and shoving me back. 

"You wanna know why, Raphael?" I offered. "I'll tell you. Because when my husband died, he left me _nothing _except for thousands of dollars worth of debt to pay off. Even _bankruptcy _couldn't get me out of it. So I'm homeless, Raphael. And I'm a prostitute." 

"And you're doing drugs in _my _house," he accused. 

I shook my head. "Not in your house. I keep my drugs at work." 

I leaned in to kiss him quickly, but he jerked away and let me go, like I knew he would. I turned and walked away. 

**MICHAELANGELO: **

It was early. Well, not _that _early. But earlier than I was usually conscious of the world. There was absolutely nothing on TV this early in the morning. And nobody was up except for Raph. In the background, I could hear the faint sound of him venting more pent-up frustration in the training room. He was doing that a lot lately. And it didn't sound like too much fun to me at the moment. 

I heard a door open and close and looked over the back of the couch to see Donny slip out of the spare room that Amy was sleeping in. I smiled. "Hey, dude, whatcha doin'?" 

He glanced at me as he pulled the door shut quietly. "Nothing," he answered. 

I turned back to my comic book for a few minutes. Twenty-two years old and I still read these things. I laughed at the thought. Oh well. Not like there was anything better to do. 

Donny walked around the couch and grabbed the remote. He stared at it for a moment, then set it back on the coffee table. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he put his legs up on the loveseat and sprawled out, rubbing his forehead. I set the book on my lap. "Somethin' botherin' you Don-san?" 

"Hmm?" He glanced at me, as if I'd just interrupted a deep thought. "Oh. No, I'm alright." 

"You look like you got a killer headache." 

He shrugged. "It's been a rough couple of nights." 

I studied him carefully. "Is it Amy?" 

"Yeah. Sorta." He sighed and looked away. "I dunno. But yeah, I'm worried about her." 

"Why? She'll be safe here 'til they catch her dad." 

He turned onto his stomach, resting his head on his arms. "No, it's not that," he mumbled, eyes closed. "_I _know she's safe. But she doesn't. It's just that… it's like she's terrified of everyone. Like every time I open my mouth, I'm trying to manipulate her into saying or doing something. And she cowers all the time, like I'm going to hit her." 

"Well, that's how she was raised." 

He opened his eyes and looked at me. "Yeah. I know. But it's sad." 

I watched him for a moment. "I'm surprised that she acts that way with you, though." 

"Why do you say that?" 

I shrugged. "It's just that she seems to trust you. A lot more than she trusts any of us, anyway. I've never seen her cringe at something you did or said." 

"Well, she has," he mumbled, staring up at the ceiling. It was quiet for a moment. "And you know, it's not really that. It's just that she's so suspicious of everything. Everything I say, everything I do." Our eyes met again. "God help me if I suggest taking blood from her so I can run a blood test. She totally freaks out." 

I smiled. "But she lets you take it." 

He considered that for a moment, and his eyes closed as he tried to relax. "Yeah," he mumbled. "She lets me take it. Eventually." 

"See? She trusts you." 

He sighed. "I guess so." 

"She's a lot more relaxed when you're around, too," I informed. "You and Sasha." 

"Yeah." 

He didn't sound convinced. Or particularly interested, for that matter. I smiled, trying to read his expression but unable to do so. "You got a thing for her?" 

He opened his eyes and glared at me. "Mikey, she's _fourteen_," he sighed, shooting me a pathetic look. 

I shrugged. "Yeah, I know." 

"She's just a child." 

"Well, I'm not saying _now_," I laughed. "But in a few years… you know." 

He glared at me, but it was obvious that he didn't mean it. I'd hit a nerve. I laughed inwardly. _Way to go, Mike. Once again, you have done it. _"In a few years, I'll think about it," he shot. "It's not like that age gap is going to decrease." 

"Nah, but it'll get less important. Eight years when you're fourteen is half your life. But when you're fifty…" 

He reached underneath him and grabbed a pillow. It hit my chest and bounced to the floor. I laughed. 

Raphael walked into the room. "Leo up yet?" he asked. 

I shook my head, picking up the pillow from off the floor. "Not that I know of." I glanced at my watch. It was almost seven. He was usually out of bed an hour ago. "He's probably up. I think something's bothering him." 

Raph didn't acknowledge me. He just walked to Leo's door and knocked. 

**RAPHAEL: **

It took him a moment to answer. "Who is it?" Leo's voice came through the door. 

"It's me," I answered. 

I heard the door unlock and it cracked open. I pushed through it into the room. "We need to talk," I growled as Leo shut the door behind me. He was staring at me as if he were shocked. 

He studied me carefully. "About what?" 

"It's about Sasha," I started. "There's something you need to know about her." 

"Uh, Raph…" he tried to interrupt me. 

"She's a prostitute, Leo," I continued, ignoring him. "And she's doing heroin and god knows what else and if she's bringin' that shit back into our lair..." 

Leo cringed. "Raphael…" 

I didn't allow him to cut me off yet. "She needs to _fucking _get out of here, Leo. And if you don't kick her out than _I will_." 

I heard a noise behind me and spun around. 

Sasha sat up on Leonardo's bed. 


	5. Comfort

**Comfort**

_Oh hold me now I feel contagious   
And now I'm the only place that you've left to go   
She cries that life is like   
Some movie black and white   
Dead actors faking lines   
Over and over and over again_

-Fuel   
"Hemmorage"

**LEONARDO: **

His jaw was halfway to the floor. "Oh no," he stammered in disbelief. "You have fucking got to be kidding me…" 

I sighed. I'd tried to warn him. He turned to me, his eyes wide with shock. "_Tell _me you're not fucking her, Leo!" 

I stared at him, shocked that he would even suggest that. "Raph, you should know me better than that." 

"What the fuck is she doing in your bed?" he demanded. 

"Sleeping," she answered for herself. 

He spun to her. "Did I ask you to open your mouth, bitch?" 

"Raphael, knock it off!" I shot at him, authoritatively. "You're not gonna talk like that in here." 

He turned back to me. "Did you hear one word of what I said?" he demanded, shock and disbelief still lining his features. At least he wasn't challenging me. "And how the _hell _did she end up sleeping in your bed?" 

"We were talking," I informed him. "She fell asleep. It's nothing for you to be concerned about Raph. And at any rate, I didn't know I had to answer to you for my actions." 

Anger flashed, but he held it back. "Leo, I am _totally _serious about what I said." 

"I know," I nodded calmly. 

"How do you know?" 

"I told him," Sasha answered. He turned and stared at her in disbelief. 

She breathed deep, and looked away. "Raph, I…" she started. "I don't know what you think but… I'm not proud of who or what I've become since Jackson died. I need help." 

He stared at her, gaping. "Help? Sasha, you need _serious _therapy if you think I'm gonna believe that after that demonstration last night." 

She began to cry. I saw tears pool in her eyes, but she tried to hide them. "Raphael, please," I sighed. 

"No," he shot at me. "I don't buy this. She's fucking lying through her teeth and you're eating every word of it." 

"Dammit, Raphael, what do you want from me?" she cried, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. "I can't change my past!" 

She stood and ran from the room, past both of us. The door slammed behind her. I sighed, and turned to my brother. "Geez, Raph," I sighed. "Let it not be said that you're non-confrontational." 

"You wanna tell me what the fuck is goin' on here?" he demanded. "What the hell is she doing in your room and what did she tell you?" 

"She told me about her job. And that she doesn't want to do it anymore." 

"Bull-fucking-shit!" 

I glared at him. "_She _came to _me_, Raph. I didn't go begging her to tell me what she was doing." 

"Uh huh," he answered cynically. "And she ended up in your bed." 

He wasn't going to let that go. "I did _not _sleep with her, Raphael. I can't believe you'd even think that!" 

He studied me for a moment, determining if I was lying. I was still shocked. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. She'd come back in the middle of the night, crying, and knocked on my door. I wasn't asleep, and I'd invited her in rather than going into the living room. There was a reason for that. Raphael was sleeping on the couch, and I didn't want to bother him. We'd talked, she broke down, and she fell asleep. I didn't want to wake her up, so I let her sleep. And I slept on the floor. I didn't mind, really. But I couldn't believe that my brother didn't know me better than to know that that was _all _that happened! 

"Alright," he mumbled, looking away. "Fine. I believe you. Just because I know you're not like that." He glanced back at me. "Did she tell you anything else?" 

The tension in the room suddenly skyrocketed. I noticed it. I knew he did, too. "Like what?" 

He didn't answer, just stared at me with a serious expression that I couldn't read. "Anything," he mumbled. His voice was as emotionless as his face. He was hiding something. 

"She said a lot of things, Raph. We talked for almost two hours. What do you want to know?" 

He studied me carefully and turned away. "Nothing," he mumbled, reaching for the door handle. "Forget it." 

**Author feels the need to cut in- You all didn't REALLY think Leo was actually DOING anything with her, didja? ;) Awww… give the poor guy some credit. LOL Okay, I'll shut up now. ;)**

**RAPHAEL: **

"Raph?" 

"Go. Away." 

He cracked the door open and poked his head inside. I was off of the bed in a flash. "Dammit, Mike, what the fuck do you want!" 

"Hey, dude, chill out, okay?" he answered timidly. "I'm not trying to start anything. It's just that…" 

He studied me for a moment, as if determining whether or not I was prepared to kill him. He must have decided that I wasn't, because he slipped into the room and closed the door behind him. "Is this about Sasha?" 

I tensed. "Is _what _about Sasha?" I snapped. 

He shrugged and cut his gaze to the floor. "Well, I uh… I know there's something between you two and…" 

In a flash, I had him pinned to the wall. He didn't have time to react, and didn't really try to fight back. Why _should _he? He was on my turf, after all. "There. Is_. Nothing. _Between me and Sasha," I growled. 

He stared at me for a moment. The look on his face wasn't angry or defensive, although I sure as hell would've expected it to be by this time. And it wasn't really disbelief. It was something that vaguely resembled concern. I held him by his shoulders for a moment, studying the expression. Something broke inside of me as I realized what I was doing, and I let him go, turning my back to him. 

"I'm sorry, okay?" I sighed, my shoulders slouching. "It's just… I've got a lot going on right now." 

"I know that, bro," he answered. "I can tell. And it's okay. All I wanted to say is that…" He paused, considering his words. "Well, if you'd like to come out and join the land of the living, Sasha's not here." 

No, of course she wasn't. She was out screwing people for money. Damn her. I didn't want that kind of casual sex anywhere _near _me. She needed to leave. "We ordered a couple pizzas. So if you're interested…" 

He didn't say anything more. I listened to him walk out of the room. I sat down on the edge of the bed and buried my face in my hands. I had to stop this. I had to stop thinking about her. I had to just avoid her and forget about her and let the past _stay _in the past. 

God, I wished it was that easy. 

**KATARINA: **

I'd been at work since 9:00 this morning, and it was supposed to have been my day off. I was _counting _on a day off. I needed it. But it wasn't going to happen. I had five hours, then I was supposed to be at work again. That wasn't enough time to sleep. It really wasn't enough time to do anything. I should've just stayed there and worked the 10:00. After all, I'd done the noon, the five, and the six. What was one more show? I sighed, exhausted. 

The management at Channel 3 was interviewing people. But they weren't hiring. The simple fact was, nobody would take the job once they saw how the employees were treated. And how we were paid. April made decent money. So did our chief meteorologist. Other than that, the pay sucked. 

Underground, I made a conscious effort to stay alert. I didn't need Raphael scaring the crap out of me again. I did run into somebody, literally. But it wasn't Raphael. 

"Whatcha doin'?" I asked as Sasha as she struggled to regain her balance on her high heels. 

She laughed. "Just goin' out," she smiled. "To a club or something. You wanna go with me?" 

I considered it, but not very seriously. "No, I gotta stay up all night so I should probably get some sleep." 

She nodded. "I give you credit, Kat. I don't know how you handle that job." 

I smiled. "To tell you the truth, it's been really rough lately." 

"I'll bet. Guess you don't have a lot of free time, huh?" 

I shook my head. "No. I mean, balancing eighteen credit hours at school and a full-time job is hard enough but with all this overtime…" I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. 

"It must be really hard on your relationship with Raph." 

I smiled faintly. "Yeah. It is. He's a good guy though. He tries to understand. But I know it's hard." 

She nodded, a sympathetic expression on her face. "You two don't get to spend much time together, do you?" 

I considered that for a moment. "No. We really don't see each other much. I mean, except for when he does stupid stuff like showing up at my work." 

She laughed. "Does he seriously do that?" 

"Yeah," I grinned. 

"Geez, doesn't he realize how dangerous that is?" 

I shrugged. "He's _ninja_. And he's got a bit of an ego." I laughed out loud. "Seems to think he's invincible." 

"Well, if he hasn't gotten caught yet… who knows. Maybe he is!" 

We both laughed. We made small talk for a few minutes, before I glanced at my watch. "Oh, I'm sorry," Sasha mumbled. "I guess you need to get back and get some sleep." 

"Yeah," I sighed. 

She put her arms around my neck and hugged me for a moment. "Well, have a good couple of hours. I'll talk to you later." 

"Yeah," I answered as we pulled away. "We really need to just sit down and catch up." 

She smiled. "Good idea. Sometime when you're not so tired, though." 

We smiled, said our good-byes, and went our separate ways. 

**AMY: **

I sat on the couch quietly, observing the scene. "Mike, grab me a beer will you?" Raphael called over the back of the couch. I studied him for a moment, careful not to seem like I was staring. Music was playing in the background, and we were all sitting in the living room, doing nothing in particular. Although I was still nervous being here, the socializing was helping. Even if I was watching more than actually participating. 

"Anyone else?" Mike asked as he stared into the fridge. 

There was a collective "no" and Michaelangelo grabbed a can of beer along with his Mountain Dew. As he turned to Raphael, he pulled his arm back, like he was going to hurl the can like a football. Raphael glared at him. "Don't even _think _about it." 

Mike laughed and lowered his arm. He handed the can to Raphael and backed away, a smirk on his face. There was a click as Raph pried it open, and was immediately sprayed with alcohol. "Ah!" he cried, jumping off the couch and trying to put distance between him and the erupting can. 

Mike was doubled over laughing from the other side of the room. Donny hid a smile behind his hand. "You better run, bro," he suggested as foam spilled over Raph's hand. 

Raphael set the fizzing can on the coffee table and flicked the beer off of his hand. He turned and glared at Mike. "You are going to _die_," he threatened. 

"Uh huh," Mikey grinned. "But you gotta catch me first." 

In a flash, Raphael was over the back of the couch. Mike was suddenly gone. Raph darted after him, nearly knocking over his unsuspecting girlfriend as she rounded the corner. "Hey!" she called after him. I don't think he stopped. She looked after him for a moment before turning back to the room. "What was that about?" 

Donny glanced at her and smiled, but said nothing. As she approached, she saw the beer on the coffee table. "Nice," she mumbled, a smile crossing her face, too. 

She glanced over at me and I tensed instinctively. "Hey, Amy. How are you doin'?" 

I forced a smile. "I'm okay," I choked. 

She set her backpack on the sofa and greeted Leo and Donny. A moment later, Kat was standing behind me. She rubbed my shoulders gently. "You guys already have dinner?" she asked. I relaxed slowly. These guys sure did touch each other a lot. Not that there was anything really _wrong _with that. It just seemed strange to me, when all my life I'd been taught the concept of personal space. 

"Yeah, there's some pizza in the fridge," Leo mumbled. 

Kat wandered into the kitchen and returned with a piece of pizza and a beer. "I'm thinkin' I need to go shopping," she mumbled. "Y'all are running out of food again." 

Donny grinned at her. "Hey, we survived twenty years without shopping," he reminded her. 

"Yeah, but you never ate as good as you have since I've been stocking your fridge," she smiled. 

"This is true." 

She sat down on the arm of the couch. A few minutes later, Raphael returned, holding a set of nunchucks. Donny laughed. "Uh oh. Where's Mikey?" 

Raph grinned, shrugged, and tossed the weapons on the floor. He walked behind Kat, circling his arm around her shoulders. "Hi, babe," he greeted, kissing her cheek. "You home for a while?" 

"Gotta work again at midnight," she sighed. 

"What's with all these crazy hours, lately?" Leo asked. Michaelangelo appeared near the entrance to the lair. He was soaking wet, but smiling. I didn't want to know was he was drenched with. 

Raphael walked around Kat and sat down on the couch. "They had four producers quit, one right after another," Kat explained as Raph slipped his hand into hers. "So now they're scrambling to fill in the holes." 

She slid off the arm of the couch and into Raphael's lap. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. "One of these days, you're gonna drop dead, you know that?" Leo grinned. "I don't know how you do it." 

She smiled and Raph whispered something into her ear. Suddenly, her jaw dropped. She jerked away, shoving him hard. "Raph!" she laughed, shocked. 

He grinned and pulled her close again. I smiled at the scene and sank deeper into the chair I was sitting in, exhaustion seeping into my body. 

**DONATELLO: **

It took a week for the pneumonia to fully clear up. I was relieved when it finally did, because I was running out of antibiotics. At that point, it was time to decide what we were going to do next. The police had found their suspect. Amy said it wasn't her father and quietly expressed her concern that the "innocent" man would be charged with the crime. 

Her story was radical. It was a little _too _radical. But I believed her. The more time she spent with us, and the less hysteric she got, the more sense she made. And whether or not her father had killed anyone, I had no doubt that he had done _something_, though not necessarily what she believed he had, to her. 

At first, I'd questioned if she could be mentally ill. But the more time I spent with her, the more convinced I became that she wasn't. She was just traumatized, and displaying symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. She didn't talk much, and when she did she often sounded like a scared child. It had led me to question her level of maturity, too. But I was convinced that my knee-jerk reaction to that had been wrong as well. There was a difference between a personality and a learned behavior. And I was becoming increasingly convinced that her present state was nothing like who she really was. Her true personality had been suppressed, through years of... whatever she'd gone through. 

"What are you doing up?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen. It was after midnight, and she was washing dishes again. That seemed a little unnatural to me. But she seemed determined to do it, night after night. 

"I don't know," she mumbled. "I couldn't sleep." 

She continued to sort through the dirty dishes, her mind obviously preoccupied elsewhere. "You need anything?" 

She turned to me for a moment and smiled faintly. "Oh no, Donny," she smiled. "No, I'm okay. I'm just... I don't know." The smile fell. "Confused." 

Big surprise there. "Anything I can do?" 

She rested her hands in the soapy water, suddenly still. The space between us got remarkably serious. Then she leaned forward on the counter. She shook her head slightly, eyes closed. "No, I guess not. I just... I've had a lot of time to think now, and that kind of scares me." She looked up and our eyes met. "I'm frightened by the things that I'm realizing." 

I leaned against the doorframe. "Like what?" 

She rinsed her hands and dried them on a multi-colored towel before running her fingers through her hair. "Well, just... I don't know. A lot of stuff, really. I mean... With all of this that's happened, I really feel like... I don't even know who I am anymore." 

One theory, confirmed. "That's okay," I assured her. "You have some time to figure that out." 

She forced a smile. "I keep meaning to thank you guys," she mumbled, looking away. "But I guess I just... don't know how to say it. You really don't know how much this means to me. I mean, Sasha's been there for me, ever since I moved here. But there's only so much she can do. I mean, without a place of her own and all. I don't know what I'd do right now if not for you guys." 

I studied her for a moment. So Sasha was homeless. Somehow, that didn't surprise me. "Hey, it's alright," I assured her. "It's no problem, having you around." I hesitated. "But you do realize that sooner or later, we're gonna have to do something." 

She breathed deep, eyes closed, and let the air out of her nose, slowly. "I know," she whispered. "I can't stay here forever. It's just... I don't really _know _what to do next." 

"I still think you should go to the police." 

I waited for her reaction. She shook her head slowly, staring down at the floor. "It's... I know. I should. I mean, he killed my mother and my brother and I'm the only one who knows about it, right?" 

She looked up at me, a pleading, pained look in her eyes. "It's just that... Donny, I don't know if I can face him again. And I _know _I won't live with him. God, I'd... I'll kill myself first." 

I said nothing. She sighed in the long silence that followed. "I'm just a kid, you know? That's how the police treat me. Just a stupid kid." She brushed her eyes, determined not to start crying again. I felt my heart ache with sympathy pains for her. 

"You know, when the police came to take us away," she mumbled, "they didn't even tell us what was going on. They didn't tell us _anything_. And they wouldn't let us talk in court. It was like they didn't even care that we didn't want to go with him." She sniffled and rubbed at her eyes. "Well, that _I _didn't want to go, at least. Timmy was only one at the time." 

"And you were eleven?" 

She nodded and there was a moment of silence. "That's when it started getting really bad, you know?" she sighed. "When he had full custody and he got a protective order against her, saying she was threatening him. I don't know if she ever really did. But I wouldn't blame her. She just... she couldn't stand it, knowing what was happening and that there wasn't anything she could do about it." 

"When did you first tell her?" I asked quietly. 

"When I was six." 

"Did she believe you?" 

She nodded. "Oh, yeah. She confronted him about it and he didn't deny it. Said a whole buncha shit about how he had a problem and needed help. Started crying. I heard the whole thing." 

"And she stayed with him?" 

Amy swallowed hard. "They got a separation. He went to counseling. So did I, but I don't think it really helped. When they got back together, he didn't touch me for a long time. I started to feel kind of normal. And then one night he showed up in my room again after I had a nightmare, and it started all over again." 

The pain in her voice was evident. I didn't _want _to believe her. It was hard to think that someone could hurt their own child like that. But she was silently screaming for help. She needed someone to believe her. And it was obvious that I was the only person available. I pushed my own emotions aside and approached her slowly. 

"I'm so sorry, Amy." 

She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her protectively, feeling her tears soak my skin. She cried silently for a few minutes, and then pulled away. "I'm sorry," she whispered, wiping her eyes roughly. "I'm okay now." 

"Hey, it's alright," I told her. "You can cry. It doesn't bother me." 

That was a lie. But she needed to hear it. She smiled through her tears. "Thanks, Donny," she whispered, clutching her arms over her chest. She smiled faintly and closed her eyes, dropping her head. "You guys are..." 

She never finished. I put an arm around her shoulders. "Come on. You need to sleep." 

She pulled back. "No, I'd really… rather not." 

I studied her for a moment, confused. "Why? You must be tired." 

She looked away. "Yeah, I just… I don't want to deal with the nightmares again. I'm not tired enough yet to sleep without them." 

A smile crossed her face, a brave attempt at hiding her fear. But it was perfectly evident in her eyes. 

A single tear ran down her cheek, past her smile, and she looked away. She was trying so hard to brave this. My heart softened and I turned her to me, wrapping my arms around her. She buried her face in my shoulder, and I felt the hot tears that flowed from her eyes. I held her close, wishing I could take her pain away but knowing that there was nothing I could do. 

We stood still in the kitchen for a good ten minutes. I tried to think of what to do. I wasn't entirely sure. My people skills were kind of lacking. But I had to do something. I couldn't just stand back and watch her suffer like this. "Amy?" I finally questioned. 

She pulled away and wiped the tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand. "What?" 

"You think it would help if I…" _Hmm… How do I say this without giving her the wrong impression? _"…If I stayed with you while you slept?" 

She studied me for a moment, trying to determine my motive. I immediately tensed under her gaze. "I mean," I quickly justified. "Not anything like… I just mean…" 

She forced a pathetic smile and cast her eyes to the floor. For a moment, she was quiet. "Yeah," she finally whispered. "I think it would." 

I put my arm around her shoulders and she wiped her eyes again. I hesitated in the living room, wondering which room I should go into. I decided on mine, just because there was less of a chance that someone would take the initiative to go ahead and open up my bedroom door. I was well aware of the rumors that would start amongst my three brothers if they knew _anything _about this. 

I closed the door behind me and stepped away from her. I lit a candle on the bedside table, just so that it wasn't pitch black, and she looked around. "Wow," she mumbled. She walked over to one of my computers. "This is ancient," she smiled. 

"Yeah, I know," I answered. "I use it as a dumb terminal. It manages the security system. Sort of. It's kinda hard to explain." 

She glanced at me and smiled, genuinely this time. "Where's your mainframe?" 

I nodded toward another computer. "Right there. Eighty gig hard drive and enough memory to make even my largest programs pretty instantaneous." 

"Pentium Four board?" 

"Six actually," I answered, inspecting her carefully. "I'm testing a new prototype." 

She laughed quietly and nodded, looking over the machine. "I had to piece together my computer," she laughed quietly. "Babysitting money. 16 meg of RAM and hardly any disk space. I can't even get online without crashing it." 

I smiled. "That's harsh." 

"Yeah," she grinned back. "My friend and I wrote this one program that could scan through the sectors of the hard drive and locate a particular string of written information. Kind of like an unerase program. And it totally destroyed my whole computer because it was too advanced." 

I chuckled quietly. "I never wouldn't though you to be the computer geek type." 

She brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Yeah, well. Glad I could amuse you." 

The smile fell from her face as we stared at each other for a moment. I glanced at the clock next to the flickering light. "It's three o'clock in the morning, you know," I reminded her. 

She nodded and looked away. "Yeah." 

I sat down on the edge of the bed. "Come here," I invited, laying down on my side, on top of the blankets. I lifted the covers and she slipped underneath them silently, settling on her back. 

"Go to sleep," I mumbled, resting my arm on her stomach. She breathed deep and closed her eyes. 

For a moment, it was silent. I began to relax. I'd never come anywhere remotely close to having somebody in my bed, and I still wasn't sure I liked the idea. _There's a big difference between sleeping and having sex... _

_Yeah, I know that. Still weird though…_

I looked down on her and brushed her hair out of her eyes. _I wonder why they call it "sleeping together" when it has nothing to do with sleep…_

"Donny?" 

I opened my eyes, my thoughts interrupted, and stared at her. She was still, her eyes closed. "Yeah?" 

She hesitated. "Thanks." 

I couldn't help but smile. "Sleep, Amy," I instructed quietly. 

She breathed deep again, and it was the last I heard from her until morning. 


	6. Memories & Consequences

Memories & Consequences 

**DONATELLO: **

The idea had come to me in my sleep, almost two years ago. My alliance with the police was tense, since they didn't really trust the whole "vigilante" system. But I'd come through for them more than once, helping them to track down their perpetrators. On a rare occasion, they had provided me with information on mine. Aside from Shredder and the foot clan, I didn't really put my nose into criminal activities. If I saw it, I stopped it. I rarely took cases home. But when I did, such as with Amy, I usually ended up needing some help. 

The idea was simple. Create a digital, graphic image of a man able to be controlled within my computer and sent through the cable modem. I had tried using the phone line and a normal modem, but it just wasn't fast enough to transmit a clear image. The graphic enhancement had to include such minute detail that the police wouldn't know that it was, in fact, a computer rather than a camera creating it. 

Chris Matthews, a Detective when I met him and now a Lieutenant, had accepted my help with some caution at first. I wouldn't give him my name, and that bothered him. But it didn't take him long to realize that I was getting results, which in turn were promoting him faster than he could keep up. I told him to keep my name and face out of it, and he didn't have any problem with that. My credit was his, and nobody asked questions. 

"Tell me what's going on in the Clareson murder/kidnapping," I asked, staring at the man on the screen. Blonde, thinning hair, green eyes, and in good shape, he looked excellent for a man of his age. His birth certificate claimed he was nearly fifty. I was surprised that he was in at this time of night. Working late, again. I'd expected to leave a message. 

"The guy we picked up was cleared of charges," the speakers next to the computer monitor informed me. "He seemed like a good enough suspect though. Criminal record, Florida and North Carolina both want him for questioning about drugs and Pennsylvania wants him for murder. He's been deported, so to speak." 

"Why was he ruled out?" 

"He wasn't in New York during the murders. He was in a detox unit up in Maine." 

I nodded slowly, considering his words. "Any new suspects?" 

"Not at the moment." 

I sighed. "You know, Deana kidnapped Timothy and Amy from her ex-husband. Ever consider him a suspect?" 

He was quiet for a moment. "The thought crossed my mind. But he fought fiercely in court for those kids. Why kill them?" 

"He only killed the boy," I reminded him. 

He stared blankly at me, through the screen. Of course, it was not _me _he was seeing. But I knew I was seeing a clear image of him through the webcam. "What do you have on Amy Clareson right now?" I asked, changing the subject. 

He paused for a moment and leaned forward, out of the peripheral view of the camera on top of his computer monitor. He returned with a file folder in his hand. "Officer Jane Lexum is pretty much handling the Clareson case," the speakers next to the computer monitor informed me. "I can give you her e-mail address if you want it." 

"Mmm," I considered. "No. Just tell me what you know." 

He sighed. "Well, at the moment the case is pretty centered on finding Amy. Fourteen years old, brown hair green eyes. We think the perpetrator may have taken her with him, but we're not sure why." 

"Did you consider the fact that she might have escaped?" 

"Yes," he answered. "But she would have contacted someone by now. We've spoken with her family, and with her friends at school, even her boyfriend. No one has seen her." 

"She's probably scared," I suggested, glancing at the still figure on my bed. She was asleep, peacefully for once. 

"We've put out alerts all over the state. Somebody should have seen her by now. But maybe you could find her, huh?" he grinned. 

I considered the thought. "If I did find her, where would she go?" 

"Well, her father _does _have legal custody of her." 

Scratch that idea. 

"So even if he's a murder suspect, she goes back to live with him?" 

"He's not a murder suspect, Don. We have no reason to suspect him." 

"What if he was? Where would she go then?" 

He hesitated for a moment. "That depends," he answered. 

"On what?" 

"On what, if anything, she saw. She'd be under police protection until the trial. Then she'd either go to a foster home or into the witness protection program." 

"Police protection?" I questioned. "You mean juvie?" 

He hesitated. "Uh, well, no. Not exactly. We have a housing program for kids like her. It's separate from juvenile hall." 

Great. "Foster placement would put her where?" I asked. "With family?" 

He sighed. "The only family we've located is her maternal uncle. He was reluctant to talk to us. He basically said he hadn't seen her and didn't really want to get involved. He seems to have kind of a prejudice against teenage girls. But he was cooperative. He'd probably take her for a few months, if need be." 

"Why do you say he's prejudice?" I questioned. 

He shrugged. "He seems to think that the first thing she'll do is go out and get pregnant, and he doesn't want that. It was just an impression, really. It wouldn't be a permanent solution, is all I mean." 

"Right," I mumbled under my breath. "How's the boy?" 

He shook his head. "I couldn't tell you. Have to call the hospital about that." 

I intended to. "Has the ME determined a cause of death on the mother?" 

"I'd guess strangulation, from the ligature marks on her neck. But there's no report yet." 

I nodded slowly. "Off the record, do you think there's evidence to suggest the boy saw the crime?" 

"Suggest, yes. But as for convincing a jury…" 

I was silent. 

"You have a theory, don't you?" he assumed, after a long silence. It wasn't really a question. 

"I do," I affirmed. My theories, by the time I gave them to police, were pretty substantially backed up. He knew that. And he took them very seriously. 

"What's your theory?" 

I breathed deep. "Deana filed lewd child molestation and child sexual abuse charges against her ex, and lost. Let's say the verdict was wrong. He really _was _molesting Amy. So she divorces him, and can't get full custody of the children. She takes them, runs, gets caught, and is brought up on charges of kidnapping. He gets the kids back, and sexually abuses Amy some more. Mom sees an opportunity, takes it, runs with the kids to New York City." 

"Don, we know all that," he interrupted. "Except that _legally _we can't say that he abused his daughter whether or not he actually _did _because he was found not-guilty in a court of law!" 

"What part did Timothy have in all this?" I continued. He stared at me for a moment. "None," I answered my own question. "Absolutely none. He was dispensable. What part did the mother have in it?" This time, I didn't give him a chance to answer. "She put a stop to the abuse. He was pissed at her by the time he got to New York. 

"So let's set the scene," I continued. "Late at night. Someone comes to the door. Mom isn't home. Amy answers it. It's her father. And just then, Mom comes home. She attacks him. They struggle. Amy runs. My guess is that Tim walked in, and with no great love for the boy, he killed him too." 

"So where's Amy?" he asked. "Why hasn't she shown up yet?" 

I debated on how much I was going to tell him. I decided to give him a little bit more. But I had to be careful how I worded it, or I could land him in trouble. "Let's say Amy runs into someone on the street. We'll call him John. John sees she's scared. Doesn't know anything about her, or her situation, offers her shelter." 

"John would _know _with all of the alerts we've had out." 

"He doesn't care, then," I sighed. "He has his reasons. Whatever they are, he's got Amy. Safe. And he's waiting for you to arrest her father, and take him to jail so she'll _stay _safe." 

He sighed. "Don, that's an interesting theory but it's all based on an assumption that we can't make. And believe me, no matter what John thinks, she's safer with the police." 

"You've already said her father would regain custody unless he's a suspect. Is he?" I challenged. 

He sighed and was quiet for a moment. I had him trapped, and he knew it. "We've already questioned her father, Don." I stared at him intently. Now _that_, he hadn't told me. "He's... he's not what I would consider a suspect. And he has an alibi. And no motive! And he's totally broken up about this." 

"Either that or he's a good actor," I shot at him. 

He sighed. "Either way, we have no _case _against him, Don! If we could come up with new evidence to _prove _that the verdict was wrong and substantiate some of your claims then... maybe. But I don't really see how that's possible." 

Amy stirred and I watched her for a moment. But she didn't wake up. I sighed, wishing I weren't so damn helpless. 

**RAPHAEL: **

I awoke slowly, feeling the warm, moist kisses on my neck. Breathing deep, I took in her sweet scent along with the chilled air. She pulled away and rested her head under my chin. I took another breath and moved my hand to circle her waist. Her skin was soft and warm under my fingers. She snuggled closer to me, the heat from her body mingling with mine. "Good morning, Raphael," she whispered. 

I smiled and kissed her dark hair. "Your nose is cold," I informed her as she nuzzled against my neck. 

"It's freezing in here," she laughed. "You guys need central heat." 

I ran my fingers up and down her bare skin, feeling the brush of the blanket on the back of my hand. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "Aren't you supposed to be at work or something?" 

She laughed quietly. "What, you want me to leave?" 

I smiled. "Nah, just wondering." 

"I kept falling asleep at work last night," she informed me. "They sent me home. I was too tired." 

At some point last night, she'd slipped into bed. And I didn't even remember it. I glanced at the clock. Ten a.m. on Friday. I wondered how many hours of sleep she'd gotten. She hardly slept at all during the week since she'd gone back to school. She worked at night and went to school during the day. And that didn't leave much time for anything else. 

She shivered against me, and pulled closer. "You cold?" I questioned. 

"Very," she admitted. 

I smiled. "I've got a remedy for that." 

She laughed quietly and slid off of me to lie on her side. I turned to face her, nuzzling her gently. She sighed and I smiled. I brushed her dark hair out of her eyes and kissed her lashes. A smile crossed her lips. "So did you sleep well?" I asked as I kissed the tip of her nose. 

She pressed hard to me, crushing her breasts against my hard chest. "Mmm hmm," she mumbled, ducking her head back under my chin. I wrapped my arm around her and held her close, savoring the intimacy. I hardly ever saw her anymore, and that nearly killed me. We hadn't really made love in… way too long. Weeks. Up against the wall in the tunnel didn't count. 

"What time did you get to bed?" 

"About two," she murmured. 

"Wow, so you got a whole eight hours then," I grinned. 

She moaned contently. "Yeah." 

"How's it feel?" 

"Wonderful," she sighed. 

I felt a warm kiss on my neck and breathed deep, taking in the sweet smell of her shampoo. For a long time, we lay silent, enjoying the closeness. We never got to do this anymore, and it felt good. "Raph?" she whispered. 

"Hmm?" 

"I love you." 

I smiled and pulled away to face her. She was so beautiful. I brushed my fingers over her smooth skin and brought her lips to mine, taking her in a heated kiss. She moaned as she melted into me and I pushed her gently onto her back. "Let me make love to you?" I pleaded, my hands moving slowly down her body. 

She laughed quietly. "Now, why would you want to do that?" she mumbled. 

I pressed my lips to her neck gently… And the phone rang. I groaned. "Don't answer that," I begged. 

She sighed. "Raph, I have to." 

"No," I protested. "Please?" 

But she'd already picked up the cell phone. "Hello?" 

I closed my eyes, and prayed it wasn't who I thought it was. "Yeah," she told the caller. She glanced at the clock. "What time?" 

It was. Her boss was calling again. More overtime. God, why couldn't she just tell him no? "Really?" she questioned. "Is he okay?" 

I kissed her neck again and ran my hands down her sides. She tilted the phone away from her mouth. "Raph, cut it out!" she whispered, squirming to get away from me. 

I sighed and rolled off of her, staring up at the ceiling. She talked for a moment longer, then hung up. She sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She didn't have to say a word. I already knew. I sighed as I watched her dress. "It's extenuating circumstances, Raph," she mumbled. 

"Yeah. And when is it not?" I could hear the icy tone in my own voice. 

"Matt got into an accident on his way to work," she sighed. "He's in the hospital. And the only other person who can fill in for him is in Maine right now." 

"They need to fuckin' hire more people," I snapped. 

"Well, when four people with the same job quit in two days, it puts a bit of a strain on the work force." 

"Those people quit three weeks ago, Kat," I reminded her. "How long does it take?" 

She pulled a sweatshirt over her head and turned to me, her eyes cold. "I don't know. I don't do the hiring." 

I pushed my anger aside. "Kat, come on," I begged, sitting up. "Just give me five minutes." 

She grabbed her hairbrush off the dresser and ran it through her hair quickly. "I can't do that, Raph. They go on the air in less than two hours and they're not nearly done with the show. They need all the help they can get right now." 

I pushed the blankets aside and stood up, walking over to her. She turned and jumped as she found me mere inches away. I grabbed her arms and held her for a moment. "Kat…" I pleaded. 

She sighed and looked away. "What do you want me to do Raph? It's not like I work at McDonalds, okay? If my job doesn't get done right, the whole city knows about it." 

"It's not your job to be coming in at all these crazy hours and…" 

"Raphael, please," she whispered, looking back toward me. I fell silent and she leaned into me, her lips meeting mine. She kissed me briefly. Too briefly. I didn't want it to end. But she pulled away and broke my grasp. "You know I love you," she breathed. "But this is just a really hectic time in my life and you're gonna have to bear with me." 

"For how long?" I pleaded. 

"I can't answer that." 

"Well, if you can't, then who can?" 

"Raph…" 

She touched her finger to my lips and kissed my cheek quickly. "I love you." 

She pulled away. I sighed and stared down at the floor. Then I turned and walked out of the room after her. "When will you be back?" I asked. 

"I have to go to the library and finish my report on abnormal psychology," she informed me. "And I have to go to work again tonight so I'll need to sleep for a few hours if I can. I don't know. I've still got a lot of work to do on that paper and… oh, shit." She hit her forehead with her palm. "I just remembered I have a history exam tomorrow. Ah!" 

She left still sorting through all the things she had to do. 

**AMY: **

I woke up more quickly than I would've cared to with the realization that I wasn't alone. I sat straight up and looked frantically around the room, memories flooding back to me faster than I could sort through them. 

_"Did you have a bad dream, baby?" _

_Fear floods through me as I see him in the doorway. He walks over to me and sits down, pulling me onto his lap. I can't fight him. He's a lot bigger than me, and we both know that. "It's okay, Amy. It was just a dream." His hand runs lightly back and forth over my bare leg. _

_Tears stream from my eyes as his hand rises and his fingers slip under my panties. "Daddy, please…" I choke. _

_"It's okay, Ames," he breathes, sliding a finger inside of me. "I love you…" _

"Amy?" 

I spun to the figure lying on the bed. "Amy, it's okay. You're alright." 

Then, I remembered where I was. A gentle hand on my arm guided me back down and I closed my eyes and struggled to gain control of my breathing. "Bad dream?" Don whispered. 

I tried to answer, but my voice caught in my throat. I felt tears burn my eyes and panicked, for some reason unknown to me. My thoughts were a total blur. I turned my back on the figure next to me, catering to the inexplicable desire to be alone. Tears streamed down my face. 

_Pain rips through me as he forces his huge thing inside of me. No, he's not big. I'm just small. I could tell you how old I was, if you asked me. I could tell you with only one hand. _

_"Don't cry, Ames," his gentle, quiet voice whispers. "I know it hurts, baby. But it'll be over soon." _

_"Daddy, no," I beg through the tears. "Please, don't hurt me…" _

_"I love you, Ames…"_

A hand touched my arm and I jerked away reflexively. "Don't touch me!" I screamed, falling onto the floor in my hurry to get away. I scrambled a few feet, and then stopped, curling into a ball and sobbing. I huddled in the corner, trying to make myself as small as possible. Maybe, if I tried hard enough, I could disappear. My body shook violently, of its own accord. 

_"Doesn't that feel good, Ames?" He strokes the owie between my legs, kissing my tears away. "Tell Daddy." _

_"It hurts," I cry quietly. _

_"Shh, it's okay," he breathes. "Let me kiss it and make it better." _

_"No, Daddy, please…"_

"Make it stop!" I screamed at the top of my voice, throwing my head back and convulsing violently. "Oh God, get away from me!" 

**MICHAELANGELO: **

I didn't knock. I threw open the door without a second thought and saw her shaking on the floor. Donny was sitting on the edge of the bed with a shocked and horrified expression on his face. He looked lost. I ran to the tiny figure on the floor and she screamed, and swung blindly at me. "Go away!" she yelled. "Get the hell away from me!" 

I went to grab her hands, but Donny pulled me back. "No, Mike, leave her alone. You'll only make it worse." 

I hesitated, unsure of what to do. But the look on his face reminded me of what I already knew: that he didn't want to see her hurt any more than I did. I glanced once more at her as Leo and Raph showed up in the doorway. "What the hell is going on?" Raphael demanded. 

I looked to Donatello for an answer. "She's okay," he assured us. "She's having a flashback. It's not an uncommon aspect of post traumatic stress disorder." 

She cried and collapsed on the floor, curling into a ball. Her thumb found her mouth and she quieted. "Shit," Raph mumbled under his breath. "She's psycho." 

"She's not _psycho_, Raph," Donny shot angrily. "She's traumatized." 

"What the hell is she doing in your room, anyhow?" Raph demanded. 

Good question. I glanced at Donny who, in turn, glared at Raphael. "Knock it off, Raph," Leo sighed. "What difference does it make?" 

"You're one to talk, Leo," he mumbled, turning away. Leonardo glared at him, but didn't say anything. 

I glanced again at Amy. She was whimpering quietly, her eyes squeezed closed and her thumb still in her mouth. She looked like she was about six, waking up from a bad dream. Leonardo walked into the room slowly and knelt next to the still figure. "Uh, Leo, I wouldn't…" Donny stammered, but Leo raised a hand to silence him. 

We all waited, scarcely daring to breathe, as he touched the top of her arm through her T-shirt. "Amy," he called quietly. 

She breathed deep, pulling her thumb slowly from her mouth. Her eyes remained closed. Finally, she opened them slowly. She took a sharp breath in and sat up, her eyes darting around the room. "Are you alright?" Leonardo asked. She glanced at him, dumbfounded, and managed a slight nod. 

I walked to his side as he rose to his feet again. Donny took his place near Amy, resting a hand on her shoulder. She stared at him for a moment, and brushed her hair back from her tear-stained face. "You need anything, babe?" I asked, as gently as I could. 

She shook her head mutely and I left with a great deal of hesitation. 

**AMY: **

"I'm sorry," I whispered as he held my head to his chest. 

"For what?" 

"For whatever the hell that was." 

He brushed his hand over my hair. "It's okay, Amy. It wasn't your fault." 

I breathed deep and we were quiet for a moment, leaning back against the side of the bed. I considered the events of this morning, and cringed. "I don't understand it," I whispered. "I mean, I didn't have a single nightmare all night long. But then when I woke up... I just freaked out. I don't know what happened to me." 

"It's called post traumatic stress disorder," he explained. "It's the direct response of the brain to notably stressful circumstances in which it relives and repeats the experience in an abnormal way. Either that or it blocks the episode out completely and has severe manifestations of stress without any recollection as to why. It's an abnormal coping mechanism." 

I understood about half of that. "When will it stop?" I questioned. "Does it ever go away?" 

"Oh, yeah," he assured me, confidently. "How long it takes just depends on the circumstances. And what kind of measures are taken to promote treatment." 

"Treatment?" I asked nervously. I had a feeling I knew what that meant. "I don't really think I want to talk to some psychiatrist about..." 

"You can talk to me, can't you?" he interrupted. 

I considered that for a moment. "Yeah," I finally answered, hesitating. "I think so..." 

"Well, that's therapy." 

He slouched a little further, almost lying on the floor now, and held my head to his hard chest. I clasped my hands in my lap. "Amy?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You do know you can trust me, right? I mean, if you ever wanted to talk. It'll never be repeated if you don't want it to be." 

I considered his words carefully. I knew he meant them. There was a long silence. There were things I wanted to tell him. There were things I'd never told anyone, that were still eating at me years after they'd happened. No matter how much I'd tried, I could never bring myself to trust the doctors or counselors. I didn't know them. And even though I knew that they were obligated by law to keep my secrets silent, I couldn't make myself tell them. I didn't know them. I didn't trust them. I was just another patient, and I knew it. 

I knew I was Donatello's "patient". But it was different, with him. It was like he actually cared, and not just about forcing me to get better. Sure, he _wanted _me to recover. But not so he could add another name to his list of success stories. I felt like I could talk to him. And I intended to. But there was something he had to know first. 

"Hey Donny?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm pregnant." 


	7. Choice

**Choice**

**LEONARDO:**

There was a knock on my door that broke my concentration. "Hey Leo, can I talk to you?" 

Donatello. I shook away the feeling of quiet distress and blinked a few times, trying to gather my thoughts as I came back to reality. "Come on in," I invited. 

He slipped through the door and shut it behind him. For a minute, he just stood there. "I didn't mean to interrupt," he mumbled, seeing me on the floor. "Should I come back later?" 

"No, it's okay," I assured him, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. "What's up?" 

He glanced around, as if he were searching for words, and finally came to sit near me, his legs crossed. He hid his face in his hands for a moment and I studied him carefully. Something was really bothering him. And he wasn't trying to hide it. 

He ran his hands down his face and looked up at me. "It's Amy," he mumbled. "She's, uh..." He shifted nervously and laughed, as if he couldn't believe his own words. "She's pregnant." 

I felt my eyes widen with shock. The fourteen-year-old, looked-like-twelve girl was _pregnant_? "Are you sure?" I finally managed. 

He sighed. "Yeah, she is. She's known for a while now. Just didn't say anything." 

I closed my eyes and breathed deep, gathering my thoughts. "How far along is she?" 

"Almost four months. She's already starting to show. I didn't suspect it, so it never occurred to me, you know?" 

I nodded slowly, concern replacing the initial shock. "How does she feel about it?" 

"Scared to death," he exhaled. His breath came in a rush, as if he'd been holding it, and his eyes raised again. "And I can't say I blame her. She's only just turned fourteen." 

"Does she want to keep it?" 

He hid his face again. "I don't know. We didn't get that far. She just told me and... I was too shocked to say anything." He paused for a moment. "I mean, I don't know why I was so shocked. Back in Biblical times, women generally started having children when they were thirteen or fourteen. But... I don't know. She's just... she seems so young!" 

He looked back at me, his eyes sad and searching. "I mean, I remember when I was fourteen and I can't imagine..." He breathed deep, struggling to get his emotions under control, and leaned back on his arms. "I guess... I just don't even know what to say to her." 

I nodded. I knew exactly what he was saying. I was a little dumbfounded myself. "Where is she now?" I questioned. 

"Asleep," he gestured. "In my room. She cried herself back to sleep. She could probably use it, too, since she didn't sleep much last night." 

I sighed and hid my face for a moment. He was asking me for advice on something I knew absolutely nothing about. "Leo?" 

I dropped my hands and looked up at him. "You need to find out what she wants to do. And support her in whatever that is." 

He knew that. I could tell he knew it. He closed his eyes and breathed deep. "Leo…" he started hesitantly. "If she decides to have this child… and she decides to keep it… she'll have nowhere to go. She's only fourteen." He opened his eyes again. "I've been talking to the police. They would give her father custody of her." I cringed at the thought. "Assuming they eventually recognize him as a suspect, which isn't in any way a guarantee, there was a possibility that she could go and stay with her maternal uncle in Canada for a while, during the trial. But apparently he has prejudices against teenaged girls on the stereotypical grounds that they are promiscuous. If she has a child…" 

He didn't finish. I gave him a minute, but he never tried to continue the thought. It was okay. I knew what he was saying. "So you've talked to her uncle?" 

"No. I've talked to the police. They've talked to her uncle." 

"And you don't think he'd consider the circumstances?" 

"I doubt it." 

I considered that for a minute. I knew where this was going. He knew it too. But we were going to dance around it until one of us finally decided to confront it. "She can't get out on her own until she's eighteen. Unless maybe she lived with Sasha." 

"No," I mumbled. "If Sasha wanted an apartment and a normal life, it would be different." My eyes met his. "But I don't want to see Amy end up on the streets." 

I sighed and stared down at the floor, knowing what this meant. If she had nowhere to go, we had to keep her here until we could find her a shelter somewhere else. Like it or not. "Do you foresee a problem with her staying here?" I asked. 

"Not immediately, no," he answered. "But indefinitely…?" He paused. "And then there's the issue of Sasha. I don't think she and Raphael like each other too much." 

"Yeah, I've noticed that," I admitted. Although I doubt that I'd use those words to describe it… 

"I dunno, Leonardo," he sighed. "As far as I'm concerned, there's no problem with Amy staying here for… however long she has to. But I don't want to offer anything if you're not behind me on this." 

I couldn't help but smile. "Hey, Donny, I trust your judgement. You should know that I'll support you." 

He sighed and looked away. "Right," he mumbled under his breath. "You have more faith in me than I have in myself, you know that Leo?" 

**RAPHAEL: **

_I can feel the heat from her body radiate through mine as she presses down on me and kisses my neck. I moan as her tongue runs across my skin, warm and wet. She reaches between us and guides me to the hot opening between her legs. _

_"Mmm... Kat..." _

_She laughs quietly and sits up, running her nails down my sides. I close my eyes, lost in the heat and passion of our joined bodies. Her legs are on either side of my hips, her hands holding my wrists to the bed. I can turn her onto her back easily, but I don't. I allow her to tower over me, allow her to take charge. _

_She leans down, pressing me against the mattress, and I feel her teeth against my neck. It's not painful, but it is rough. For a moment, she's caught me off guard. She's never been this aggressive before. But I can't say I'm not enjoying it immensely. I breathe deep, relaxing my body as she goes down on me hard. It's an interesting role switch. It feels amazing. I draw in a slow breath as she kneads and prods at the vulnerable places of my body. _

_I open my eyes... and gasp. Oh my god! Suddenly, it doesn't feel so good. Shocked and panicked, I try to jerk away. But I can't move. It's as if I'm suddenly paralyzed beneath her. She smiles, knowing I'm helpless. Beyond her, I can see Katarina watching... crying... _

***

I bolted upright, gasping for air. I could feel sweat run down my forehead and trickle between my eyes. I wiped it away roughly and swallowed hard. There was darkness around me, but a sliver of light came through the door. Why? my subconscience screamed. _Why the fuck are you dreaming about her?_

I breathed deep, trying to wash away the warm, soft feel of her body. God, that was _too _real. I felt somebody next to me and turned to see Katarina lying on top of the blankets. I glanced at the clock. It was almost nine in the morning. She'd probably just gotten home. I watched her for a moment, and determined that she was asleep. Slowly, I lowered my body next to hers again. 

I ran my hand over her gently. She didn't even bother to get undressed now. I sighed as I slipped out from under the blankets. I sat up and moved over her, straddling her hips. She stirred as I unzipped her jeans and eased them down her legs. I heard her moan quietly as I dropped them next to the bed. She drew in a deep breath as I moved over her again and took her hands. "Come on," I guided quietly. 

She cringed, and moaned, as I pulled her up to a sitting position. As quickly and gently as I could, I raised her T-shirt over her head. I held the small of her back as I found the clasp to her bra and unhooked it. I laid her on her back again and pulled the straps down on her arms. 

I ran my eyes over her naked body, drinking in every detail. Desire burned in my chest, and I sighed. She was fast asleep. Even through all the movement, she hadn't woken up. She was exhausted. 

I lay down next to her again, reaching my arm across her chest. I noted the scar there that ran from her left shoulder, across her chest, and under her opposite breast. I ran my finger along the scar, memories overwhelming me. I owed my brothers' lives to that scar, and probably my own as well. It was the evidence of her self-sacrifice. She'd given everything for our relationship: her family, friends, comfortable life. That seemed so long ago now. It was as if she'd forgotten how much we once met to each other. Now I played second to her job, and to her school, and to god-knows-what-else. 

I brushed her hair back from her eyes. She breathed deep and nuzzled against me. I smiled at the way her breath warmed my neck. I was content just to watch her sleep, and feel her body next to mine. She breathed slow, and I pulled closer to her. I kissed her shoulder and moved to the top of her chest, running my hands over her soft breasts lightly. I didn't want to wake her, but my body was craving her. The desire was painful. 

"Mmm... Raph, stop... come on," she moaned, squirming. I pulled away, the smile falling from my face. I studied her expression. Still fast asleep. Even in her sleep, she refused me. I sighed, and stood up. 

**AMY: **

I don't know why I was huddled in a corner of the room. To the part of my brain that could still think logically, it seemed like an odd place to sit. But I was more comfortable here than elsewhere in the room. Or in the world, for that matter. I cried silently, clutching my knees to my chest, and cringed as I heard the door open. "Amy?" 

He saw me, and approached slowly. "Amy, are you alright? I thought you'd be sleeping." 

"I was," I choked. "I... had a dream." 

He knelt next to me and pulled my head to his chest, rocking me gently. "It's okay," he whispered as I cried. "Come on." 

I didn't have a chance to ask him where we were going. He picked me up, one arm under my knees and the other under my arms, and carried me to the bed. It was effortless for him. He laid me on the mattress and pulled the blankets around my chin, settling on top of them. I felt the tension slowly drain from my body as he ran his hand up and down my arm, comforting me. 

"I shouldn't be here," I whispered. 

He was quiet for a moment. "Where's here?" 

"In... in your bed. I mean, your brothers..." 

He sighed and stroked my hair gently. "Don't worry about it, Amy. We've got nothing to hide." 

I swallowed hard, choking back the tears. Maybe _he _didn't. 

He was still talking, but I wasn't really listening. His voice was so calming, it was enough just to hear his whispered words. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I glanced at him and saw one arm supporting his head, and the other was resting on my upper arm. It wasn't a suggestive gesture. I never felt threatened by him that way. 

"You alright?" he asked. 

I breathed deep. Having him close was an immense relief. I felt protected, and nearly invincible. _This is what it feels like to have someone looking out for you… _"Yeah, I'm okay." 

He brushed a few strands of hair away from my eyes, and his hand returned to his side. "Amy, I have to ask you some questions. But they can wait if you don't want to talk now." 

I studied him for a moment. "No, Donny, go ahead," I assured him. "You can ask me." 

He hesitated. "Does your father know? About the baby? Did you ever tell him?" 

"No," I whispered. "I was too afraid to tell him, even though I knew before I left. I mean, we were only with Mom for, like, less than a month. And he wouldn't have believed me, besides. Not that it was his. He would've said it was my boyfriend's baby and I was just trying to blame him. He'd never believe me that he was the only one who... who ever..." 

I couldn't finish. He didn't press me. "Okay. Question two. How would your father go about finding you now?" he questioned. "Friends he can question? A boyfriend?" 

I tensed. "No. Not except Sasha. I... I'm not real social." 

He inspected me carefully. "Amy…" 

He didn't believe me. I turned away from him and curled into a ball as I started to cry. For a few moments, it was quiet. Then he sighed deeply and rested his hand on my arm again. I flinched instinctively, but forced the reaction aside. 

"What, exactly, do you want to do from here?" 

That was such a huge question, I could not begin to answer it. I didn't know what I wanted. "I don't know, Donny." 

"Well, the child... I assume you want to have it. Since you've waited this long to say anything about it. It's probably too late to get an abortion if you _wanted _one. Have you considered adoption?" 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

I sighed. "For one thing, adoption requires legal work." 

"There are crisis centers that they developed where you can drop the baby off with them rather than throw it in a dumpster." 

The thought made my stomach turn. "Oh, God, Donny, I could never do that." 

"Well, I'm not suggesting you _dispose _of it," he sighed. "I'm just saying... there is a way out. If you want it." 

I considered the thought. Something about it was appealing. Maybe, somehow, I could enjoy a lost childhood. I sighed. No. I couldn't do that. I could never do that. I'd never be like people my age. "Kids" my age. And I never had been, I realized. I was having sex before most children knew such a thing existed. That had forced me to grow up at an alarming rate. So fast, in fact, that I still had symptoms of a psychological whiplash. I could see it in myself, I was sure others could see it in me. 

Running from my past wasn't going to solve my problems. Whether I liked it or not, my father had made me into what I was today. The good, the bad, the ugly. The rest of my life, I would build on a foundation he had laid, whether I chose to accept it or not. 

For the first time, I was forced to evaluate how I felt about my situation. Up to this point, my reactions had all been handed to me. I was helpless to change my situation, and I reacted accordingly. But now, for once, I had a choice to make. I rested my hands on my stomach and considered the life there. My body already felt different. And the emotional connection to the child inside of me was more intense than anything I'd ever felt before. Why? 

_Because it's hope. It's a new life. _

Hope. The word sounded strange to me. But it was the only word to describe the feeling that was slowly creeping through me, spreading from my womb to every nerve in my body. Hope. This child inside of me was hope. 

"No," I finally whispered. "No, I... I want to keep my baby. I want to... to try at least. I don't know if I'll actually be able to." I looked up at him and saw nothing but support, and strength. 

"If any good can come of everything I've been through," I whispered, "this child is it. And I wouldn't give that up for the world." 

**KATARINA: **

He followed me out of the bedroom and through the living room to the kitchen. "Raph, I'm _not _avoiding you," I sighed. I hated this conversation. And I hated that we were having it _again_. "I just have things to do." 

"And I'm _obviously _not on that list." 

I glared at him. "It's all about the sex for you, isn't it?" I shot, noting the obvious innuendo. "I mean, never mind that my life is a living hell right now. You're unhappy because you can't..." 

"Kat, if you really believe that, you've _really _been gone too long because you don't know me anymore." 

"Or maybe I just know you too well," I mumbled under my breath. 

"Look, I need to talk to you," he snapped, anger seeping into his voice. "And it's more important than your job or your classes; it's about _us_! Doesn't that mean _anything _to you anymore?" 

I spun to face him. "What the _fuck _do you want from me, Raphael!" 

"Five minutes of your precious time would work just fine! And if I'm not worth that to you…" 

"You're so fucking dramatic, you know that?" 

He glared at me. "_Don't _patronize me, Kat." 

"You're _acting _like a child!" 

I saw his muscles tense and his fists clenched. I noted the fury burning in his eyes as I stared him down in defiance of his silent threat. "Go ahead, Raph, you wanna hit me?" I challenged. "It'll be the _last _fucking thing you do to me!" 

"What the hell difference does it make?" he growled. 

Anger stung at the backs of my eyes. "Fuck you!" 

I didn't even see him move. All I knew was that one second he was standing five feet away and the next second, my back was pressed to the cold, hard metal of the refrigerator. He gripped my wrists painfully and glared at me, his anger fierce. I breathed hard, furious, but knowing all too well that I was powerless against him. For a long time, we just stared at each other. An intense, consuming fury flowed between us. A pang of fear hit me, but I quickly suppressed it. I may be no match for him physically, but he wouldn't get away with it if he actually hurt me. I'd make sure of it. 

An immense sadness welled up in my chest as I stared into his eyes. He was mere inches away from me, and I suddenly realized how easily I could see through him, into the depths of his soul. What I saw there shocked, confused, and pained me all at the same time. His anger was slowly turning to pain, just as intense. Desperation flashed across his eyes and he blinked back tears. I could tell that he was angry at the fact that he couldn't stop them from forming. His facial expression was still furious, but I saw beyond that. I felt the anger drain from my own features and a mix of concern, guilt, and sadness replaced it. He unclenched his teeth and took in a sharp breath, on the brink of collapse. 

Without warning, he kissed me. Hard. I felt hot tears burn my cheeks, but they weren't my own. He sought me desperately, hungrily. I kissed him back, still somewhat shocked by everything I was seeing and feeling. I couldn't move if I'd wanted to anyway. He had me pinned. 

I felt him shudder as a silent sob wracked his body. He didn't pull away. Instead, he just moved his lips to the side of my face and down to my neck. I stayed still, unmoving. His grip on my wrists was painful, but I said nothing. He rested his head on my shoulder and I felt his breath come in gasps across my skin. He said nothing, just cried silently for a few moments. Then he jerked away and left the room without looking at me. I stared after him, rubbing my wrists. 


	8. Ashamed

**Ashamed**

**To read this chapter in its original format, go here:**

****

_She whispered softly   
To tell her story   
About how she had been wronged   
As she lay lifeless   
He stole her innocence   
And this is how she carried on   
Well I guess she closed her eyes   
And just imagined everything's alright   
But she could not hide her tears   
'Cause they were sent to wash away those years_   
-Creed   
"Wash Away Those Years"

**RAPHAEL: **

"Whaddaya doin'?" 

"Researching." 

"No shit," I mumbled sarcastically, swinging the chair opposite him around and sitting backwards in it. "_What _are you researching?" 

"Childbirth." 

I nodded, smiling. "Planning on having a baby?" 

He sighed, and didn't look up. "You're not funny, Raph." 

I took a drink from the bottle in my hands. "Yeah, yeah," I mumbled. I was actually in a pretty good mood, all things considering. Probably because I'd finished off two six-packs in the past hour. "Seriously, Donny. I still think she should go to the hospital." 

"Well, that's the plan," he mumbled. "But it doesn't hurt to be prepared." 

"Mmm hmm," I grinned. "That it? Or you just anxious to get between her legs?" 

He looked up at me in shock and anger. "Jesus, Raph, you're sick, you know that?" 

I laughed. "C'mon Donny, I was kidding," I assured him. "I'll say more power to ya. But I'd tell you what…" I raised the bottle to my lips and downed half of the now-tasteless liquid inside it. "I don't wanna be anywhere _near_that girl when she goes into labor." 

"Yeah, whatever," he mumbled, reading again. "Can you go sleep it off somewhere else?" 

I didn't bother to get offended as I stood up and left the room. 

**DONATELLO: **

Raphael had no idea how much of a distraction he was. Long after he'd left, I couldn't concentrate. Finally, I gave up. I left the books on the kitchen table and walked to my room. Amy was asleep on my bed, huddled under the blankets. It had become a nightly occurrence. She seemed to sleep better here, for some reason. She slept through most of the dreams, even though they woke _me _up more often than not. I didn't wake her up unless she didn't quiet at my touch. Most times, she did. 

I smiled faintly as I saw her. She almost looked like she was at peace when she was asleep. I hoped she was. I hoped there would be no nightmares tonight. But I knew there probably would be. The recovery process was slow and painful. And I knew that. 

She'd told me a lot more than I'd expected her to, over the past few nights. She'd detailed her dreams to the point where I couldn't stand to hear any more, and tuned her out. She didn't know when I wasn't listening to her, and since the conversation was mostly to aid in her healing process, I didn't push myself to the limit of what I could take. But at the same time that I determined my cutoff point, I couldn't help but notice the boundaries she'd set for herself. She was a lot stronger than she looked. Emotionally, she was probably the strongest person I knew. Or at least, she would be, once she dealt with some of her fears. She could already handle more pain than I thought imaginable. She'd been forced to. 

I approached her silently, and brushed her hair away from her face. She didn't stir. Good. I had some work to do, and I didn't want her waking up in the middle of it. 

"Would we have to take Amy's father back to court to prove that he was abusing her? Would that ensure that he doesn't get custody?" 

The lieutenant sighed and leaned back in his chair, twirling a pen between his fingers. He was working late again. He seemed to be doing a lot of that. Not that I was complaining; for my part it was great. I preferred to take care of these details at night. "Don, he can't be tried for the same crime twice unless there's some new evidence that was overlooked or unavailable when…" 

"What if Amy was pregnant with her father's child?" I shot at him. "Would that be evidence enough for you?" 

His eyes went wide. I knew he'd already figured out that I was John, and that Amy was with me. It was unspoken between us, because we both knew the legal dangers of him talking to a "kidnapper." 

"She's...?" He didn't finish. In a moment, he regained his composure. "Well, yeah, I'd say that's pretty substantial. If, in fact, it could be proven that the child is his." 

"DNA testing could do that." 

"Yes," he mumbled, seemingly lost in thought. 

"We'll assume he doesn't know yet." 

He snapped out of his trance. "About what?" 

"That she's pregnant." 

He nodded, and was quiet for a moment. "Um," he stammered. "How far along is she?" 

"Four months or so." 

"Oh, geez," he exhaled, hiding his face. 

"She'd be better off staying with John," I mumbled. "I imagine she's an emotional wreck right now and could probably use the security and the one-on-one interaction." 

He sighed and ran his fingers down his face. "Don, I really think…" 

He was going to argue with me. I didn't want to argue. "I'll keep you posted," I interrupted. 

And with that, I cut the connection. 

I stared at the blank screen for a moment, before reaching for the phone. But I didn't dial. A soft moan from across the room caught my attention. I cringed, knowing what it probably meant, and set the phone back down. 

She tossed her head and arched her neck, whimpering. Tears had already dampened her eyelashes and she gripped the blanket tightly. "No..." she moaned quietly. 

I placed a hand on her forehead. A thin layer of sweat had already broken out on her skin. She jerked away from me and cried out in her sleep. 

"Amy," I whispered to her. "Amy, wake up. You're dreaming, Amy." I used her name over and over, knowing that if she recognized anything, that would be it. "Amy..." 

She moaned once more, and relaxed. She took in a few deep breaths, and was still. For a moment, I thought she was still asleep. But then her eyes opened. She glanced at me before turning on her side, her back to me and her head on her hands. "Amy?" I asked quietly. "You okay?" 

She didn't answer. I heard her sniffle quietly, and she wiped her eyes. I glanced once more at the computer, and finally laid down next to her, on top of the blankets. I used my arm to support my head and looked down on her. Still, she said nothing. 

"You wanna talk about it?" I don't know who dreaded those words more, me or her. We both knew that any dream she had was immensely painful to discuss. 

Therapy had never bothered me before. I could listen to people's problems, and I could offer a solution. And I could read about the psychological effects of any evil. But hearing about the things that had happened to Amy... that was different, somehow, than anything I'd ever encountered. It was more personalized than the reports and textbooks and psychological profiles. And it was more wrong than anything I'd encountered face-to-face. 

She said nothing for a long time. I felt her press into me, curling slightly to try and somehow hide herself from the world. My free arm circled her waist and I held her protectively as she cried silent tears. I didn't pressure or rush her. At this point, time didn't matter. 

**AMY: **

I allowed him to comfort me. I heard his gentle, soothing voice, but I didn't listen to the words. I didn't need words. I just needed to know he was there. 

I'd never felt safe like I did around him. My entire life was spent running from one painful situation to the next, always in fear. And I knew I'd never really escape. My father would always be there, in the back of my mind. He'd always be a threat. But here, I didn't feel threatened. For the first time in my life, I felt protected. I was protected. 

The memories raged in my mind as silent tears streamed down my face. I pressed harder to Donny, trying to escape them; he whispered more comfort. But I couldn't get away from something that was a part of me. I gave up, and surrendered to the pain, allowing the tears to flow freely. 


	9. Priority One

**Priority One**

**DONATELLO: **

I couldn't sleep. That wasn't surprising. I brushed a few strands of hair away from Amy's tear-stained face and stood up slowly. I sat down at my desk again and stared at the computer screen for a few minutes, trying to determine what to do with myself. I'd been doing something before Amy had woken up. Oh yeah, calling the hospital. 

I dialed the memorized number, struggling desperately to force the visions of Amy's humiliation out of my mind. A tired voice answered the phone, and I put up my best "cheerful" front. "Hi, this is Don Cross from Channel Three," I greeted. "Can I speak to your house supervisor, please?" 

A moment of silence, and then a woman picked up. "This is Andrea," she said. 

"Good morning, Andrea," I answered, trying to sound happy. Joy was about the furthest thing from my mind right now. "This is Don Cross from Channel Three. How are you doing this morning?" 

"I'm doing fine," she answered, immediately at ease. They were so used to hearing from me, they never thought to check and see that Don Cross, who actually _was _a Channel Three employee, worked an afternoon shift and would not be calling for information at six in the morning. 

"Good," I replied. "I was wondering if you could tell me anything about the six-year-old boy who came in on… last Thursday night? An attempted homicide?" 

"Yes," she replied. "He's been upgraded to fair condition and he's breathing on his own now." 

I was careful not to get excited about that. It didn't mean anything. He could be physiologically alive, but if there was no brain activity, he was dead. "Has he come out of his coma, can you tell us?" 

"No, he has not." 

Damn. 

"Now, is he under police watch?" 

He'd better be, since he was considered a witness to a murder. 

"Yes, he is." 

"Okay, well, thank you very much, Andrea." 

"You're quite welcome." 

I hung up the phone and leaned back, resting my chin in my hands. I glanced at Amy, asleep on top of the blankets. It had taken her three hours to get back to sleep. And even after that time, I wasn't tired. I still felt disgusted, not at her but at the simple fact that there could be such evil out there, that would cause a father to do that to his daughter. 

She moaned softly and tossed her head, tensing. I cringed. _Not another nightmare. _Please _not another nightmare. _I stood up and walked over to her again. She was breathing hard, her closed eyes fluttering. Dreaming. A nightmare. _Damn it_. I brushed her auburn hair off of her forehead, running my fingers lightly down the side of her face. Her skin was soft and smooth under my fingertips. 

She moaned once more and suddenly relaxed. She breathed deep, the pained look fading from her face. She was just a child, alone in the world and scared to death of what she might encounter. I remembered being fourteen. God, it seemed like an eternity ago, even though it was really only seven years. I couldn't imagine trying to live through that time alone. I sighed and glanced at the computer again, then at the door. Finally, I stood and walked out of the room. 

**MICHAELANGELO: **

"You okay?" 

Donny looked up and forced a smile. "Yeah, Mike, I'm fine." 

"Something dangerous about that coffee?" 

A confused look crossed his face. "No. Why?" 

"Well, it's just that you keep studying it like it's an enemy you're trying to figure out." 

He stared at me for a moment, seemingly confused, then looked away. "What's on your mind, Don-san?" 

He shook his head. "Nothing." He took his hands off the mug and hid his face. "I don't want to talk about it," he quickly corrected. 

"You haven't been yourself the past few days." 

"I got a lot on my mind." 

Amy walked into the room. "Hey, babe," I greeted. "Sleep well?" 

Amy forced a tight smile. Donatello looked up and they exchanged tense glances. I noted the look, and waited for her response. "Yeah," she finally answered. "You?" 

"Yeah." 

She looked around the kitchen. "Need something?" 

She stopped and turned to face me. "No," she sighed. "Just… bored." 

I smiled. "That seems to be the general consensus around here," I agreed. "There's not a whole lot to do." 

She nodded, but said nothing. "Hey, guys." Leonardo poked his head into the room. "Either of you interested in a workout?" 

That was _one _way to solve the boredom problem. 

**CHRIS: **

The woman was dressed professionally, in a black business suit with flat shoes and her long, dark hair pulled back. Her firm handshake immediately told me that she was not the type of woman to sit back and watch life pass her by. She'd probably put herself through medical school, and had somehow ended up here, in inner-city New York, investigating the crimes that most people hated to think of. 

"There were traces of a drug in her bloodstream, and also in her _brain_, which is odd. I think it was breathed in." 

"What, like cocaine?" I asked. 

She shook her head. "It's nothing like I've ever seen before," she clarified. "And it was _inhaled_. Fully breathed in." 

"Isn't cocaine fully breathed in?" 

"No," she explained. "Cocaine is absorbed through the tissue in the nasal passage. It doesn't usually make it all the way to the lungs. But I found traces of a toxin within her lungs. To get there, it had to have been a vapor, not a finely crushed powder." 

I stared at her for a moment. "So she used a drug you're not familiar with," I paraphrased. 

She crossed her arms over her chest, seemingly annoyed. "You don't seem to be hearing me, Lieutenant," she shot at me. "I think that whoever killed her did it with a drug that we are not familiar with and I would be willing to bet that the same drug is present in her son's bloodstream." 

Suddenly, I was interested in the woman's theory. "How did it kill her?" I asked. 

"From what I can tell, it's a type of drug that enters through the lungs and transfers into the blood, mistaken by the body for oxygen. _Somehow_, I'm not entirely sure _how_, it causes an increased level of a chemical in the brain that keeps the victim asleep. But as for how it actually _killed _her? I couldn't tell you that. But my guess is that if she hadn't been exposed to such massive doses, she'd probably be in a coma like her son." 

I nodded slowly. "So, off the record, do you predict her son will die too?" 

She sighed. "I've never seen anything like this. I can't offer any kind of antidote. I honestly don't know. He obviously wasn't exposed to as much of the toxin as she was. But I don't know if it multiplies, or if there is some kind of trigger factor to it that she had and he doesn't. I can't offer any analysis whatsoever." 

I stared down at the desk. "Thank you, doctor," I mumbled. 

She left. I turned to my computer and e-mailed Don. 

**KATARINA: **

"I'm sorry." 

He looked up, and said nothing. I sighed. "You know there's nothing I can do about the way things are right now," I mumbled. "But I'm sorry about what I said the other night. I shouldn't have treated you like that." 

"Forget it." 

He looked away again. I walked around the front of the couch and stepped between him and the TV. He looked up at me, annoyed. I positioned my knees on either side of his thighs and held his shoulders as I lowered myself onto his lap. He eyed me suspiciously. "I mean it, Raph," I whispered. "I'm sorry." 

The hardened look on his face softened and his arms raised to slip around my waist. "Don't worry about it," he answered, sincerely this time. 

I leaned down and pressed my lips to his. His arms snaked around me, pulling me to him. He kissed me hard, desperate desire electrifying what little space was between us. I felt his fingers brush my skin as he raised the back of my shirt slightly. God, I didn't want to make him stop. But I had to. 

"Raphael," I whispered, pulling away slowly. 

"Yeah, I know you have to leave again," he answered cynically. "Late for work, right?" 

I raised my hands to the sides of his face. "Hey, look at me." He shifted his eyes to mine. "I considered waiting until tomorrow to say anything, when I could stay a while. But I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't lose my nerve. And I'm not for putting off until later what needs to be said now." 

I ran my fingers over his skin gently. "Tomorrow morning, though," I promised. "When I come home." 

He studied me carefully, as if he didn't quite believe me. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling close to him. I rubbed hard against him and leaned down to breathe on his neck. He laughed. "Okay, okay," he chuckled. "Don't tease, come on." 

He grabbed my arms and twisted away from me. I pulled back and smiled as he held my arms at my sides. Over his shoulder, I saw the clock. I had about ten minutes to get to work. I was going to be late. "You'd better go," he sighed. 

"Yeah," I agreed quietly. 

His hands raised to the sides of my face and pulled me into a kiss. "I love you," he whispered, just barely breaking away. 

"I know." 

He ran his tongue over my lips once more and his hands trailed down my sides. "You should get out of here now," he smiled. "Before I decide I'm not going to let you leave." 

I kissed him once more, quickly, and reluctantly pulled myself to my feet. "I'll be back," I promised. 

"You'd better." 

**DONATELLO: **

I stared at the e-mail, reading it for a third time. A drug that caused an increase in the body's production of acetylcholine. That could certainly result in a coma. But how had it killed her? I felt someone approach behind me. Michaelangelo. "Whatcha doin'?" 

"Just got an e-mail from the police about how Amy's mother might have died." 

"Really?" 

"Mmm." 

He read over my shoulder. It was quiet for a moment. "So exactly how did she die?" he finally asked. 

"That's what I'm trying to figure out." 

He stood beside me and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't think they know." 

"I don't think so either." 

I read over the words a few more times, then turned my attention to Mike. It was obvious that he was waiting for me to be through. "Something wrong?" 

"You tell me." 

Uh oh. Michaelangelo had a serious tone to his voice, and that was never good. I leaned back, raising the front two legs off the floor. "What's on your mind?" I questioned. 

"Amy." 

Oh. That. "What about her?" 

He sighed. "Donny…" he started, looking away. "I know it's really none of my business but…" 

"Mikey, I already told you I'm not serious with her," I interrupted, knowing _exactly _where this was going. 

He glanced back at me. "Are you _anything _with her?" 

I leaned forward, dropping the chair to all fours again. "We've been over this," I reminded him. "She's fourteen." 

"Yeah, Donny, I know that," he sighed. "But I…" He struggled for words. "I'm not accusing you or anything, bro. It's not like that. I'm just curious." Our eyes met. "Because it's obvious that _something _is going on between you two, even if it's not sexual or anything." 

I eyed him suspiciously. He was looking for a confession. But I had no confession to give him. "Why do you want to know?" I questioned, curious. 

He shrugged. "I dunno, Donny. Maybe just because I've never in my _entire life _seen you make an attempt at a friendship with someone from the outside." 

I smiled at him. "That's not entirely accurate." 

He considered that for a moment. "Well, I mean, April and Casey. But that's different. You never really had to make an effort with friends of the family. If anyone stepped out on a limb to bring them into the mix, it was Raph. But really, I think _they _made a lot more of an effort than any of us did." 

I studied him carefully. "And even with Kat, you just never made an effort," he continued. "And that's fine. I'm not saying you should have. I'm just saying that it's weird now, with you and Amy. Because…" He laughed at his thoughts. "… let's face it, Donny. I never expected to find out you guys were sleeping together." 

I shook my head and looked away. "It's _not _like that," I informed. 

"Well, whether you're having sex or not, you're sleeping in the same bed. That's significant." 

I sighed and looked back at him. "Why are we having this conversation?" I asked. "What is it you want from me, Mikey? I tell you the truth and you don't believe me so what do you want me to say?" 

He shook his head. "It's not that I don't believe you. I _do_. I'm just…" He looked away. "I dunno, Donny. I keep getting the feeling that somehow or another, you're gonna get hurt by this." 

I was already hurt by this. More than he could possibly know. But I knew that wasn't at all what he meant. "Hurt by what?" I challenged. 

He stared down at the floor. "I haven't figured that out yet." 

**KATARINA: **

The cars outside told me the night crew was still here. It was storming, and that was probably why. Great. 

The newsroom was a storm in and of itself. Five phones were ringing, three producers were already holding phones with their shoulders and typing furiously. A camera in the room had a lit tally light. Our local news reporter was speaking to it. I glanced up at the wall of monitors and saw that the camera was indeed live. On the other two network stations, multi-colored radar covered the screens. I sighed. It was going to be a long night. 

I wandered over to an empty desk and sat down, immediately reaching for the phone. "News Channel 3, this is Kat," I greeted, trying not to sound as tired as I felt. 

"Uh, hi, can I talk to your weather department?" 

I sighed inwardly. Yes, it was going to be a long night. "I'm sorry, sir, I can't transfer you back there while we're on the air. Is there something I can help you with?" 

"Not unless you're a meteorologist." 

Anger stirred in me. _Calm, Kat… Be polite to the viewers, they pay your salary… _"Well, I can't transfer you back there right now, but if you stay tuned to Channel 3, we're on the air now and we'll keep you advised." 

The next caller was not quite as rude. "I'm heading to Detroit tomorrow morning and I was wondering if this weather was supposed to be cleared up by then." 

I looked over all of the storm warnings and watches listed in our database. They all expired before four a.m. I relayed the information and hung up. Then I promptly answered another ringing phone. 

"News Channel 3, this is Kat." 

"Is there gonna be a tornado?" 

I cringed. _Watch the damn newscast, people! That's why we're on the air at 12:30 at night! _"No ma'am, there are no tornado watches or warnings right now, just thunderstorms." 

I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder as someone passed behind me and I turned. April waved as she walked by. "Hey, what're you still doing here?" I questioned, glad to see a friendly face. I set the phone back into its cradle. 

"It's the weather, Kat. I'm tellin' ya, it's nuts!" she smiled, walking backward. 

I looked at the rundown for the first hour of the show. Nothing was done. Great. And Christie had been here for over an hour. That spelled "long night". 

I answered more calls, talked to more people. Some complained because we were covering their regular program. Some complained that we weren't providing enough information. And some people couldn't seem to get it through their thick skulls that I could not transfer them back to the weather center when our meteorologist was on the air. One woman in particular called four times in a half-hour. I was on the phone with her when April and I crossed paths again. 

She sat on the desk, legs crossed in front of her, and kicked her shoes to the floor. "No, ma'am, I'm sorry, but he can't answer the phone while he's on the air." 

"Well, I can wait if you'll put me on hold." 

I felt a low growl start in my throat as I seethed with anger. Was this woman _really _this stupid? How many times did I have to tell her no? "I'm sorry, ma'am, there's nothing more I can do for you." 

I hung up the phone, making a conscious effort not to slam it down. "You okay?" April asked. 

I leaned back in my chair and buried my fingers in my hair. "I'm exhausted," I mumbled. "And this night is just… god, it's crazy." 

"I hear ya," she smiled. 

Suddenly, a thought struck me. I snapped forward. "Oh my god, what is today?" 

"Thursday." 

I looked at her. "No, I mean the date." 

She checked her watch. "The fourteenth." 

I groaned, dread washing over me, and leaned forward. I buried my face in my hands. "Crap," I moaned. "I promised Andrea we'd work on our psychology presentation this morning." 

When I looked up, April was smiling and shaking her head. "When do you _sleep_, girl?" 

"What's sleep?" I mumbled back, sarcastically. 

I glanced at the clock, considering calling Andrea to reschedule. I really _was _tired. And I was going to be exhausted by the end of the night. _Except you can't call her at three in the morning. _

"When's the project due?" 

And then there's _that_. "Tomorrow." 

"Putting it off to the last second, are you?" 

"Yeah, I'm good at that," I sighed. "It's just that when there's so much to do, _everything _gets done at the last second." 

"You know, I could really use some help on my show," Christie informed me. Her voice had a threatening, snotty edge to it. I held back the urge to get angry. 

"Help with what?" I shot back. If she wanted me to write something, all she had to do was tell me. But at the moment, I had no clue what to write. There was nothing _to _write! 

"Just whatever needs to be written; there's a whole bunch of stuff." 

I bit my tongue as I looked over the rundown. What the hell was she talking about? The only thing in her rundown was teases, headlines, and traffic and weather hits! And I couldn't write any of that without the basic news stories being done! 

"I'm gonna go," April sighed. "I need to get some sleep." 

"'Night," I mumbled as she walked away. 

I wrote a few bits and pieces of the top stories. A message flashed from Jess. _If you have time, I'm really behind… Could you write page 34 for me? _

Gladly. I got into the other show and looked at the story. It was a rape story. Easy. I worked on that script for a few minutes before Christie realized I wasn't helping her. "If you could get tease seven I'd really appreciate it." 

Her voice dripped with sarcasm, and I had the serious urge to shoot something back at her. "I'm working on something in Jess's show right now," I informed her, taking a slight hint of satisfaction in politely telling her to shove it up her ass. "It'll take me a minute to get to it." 

I took my sweet time. The damn tease was written by the time I got around to it. Good. Jess messaged me again. _Cool. Thanks a lot for the help. _

I smiled wickedly. _Anytime. _

**RAPHAEL: **

_You didn't come home. I tried calling you, but you didn't answer your cell. Your co-workers informed me that you'd left at your usual time. It wasn't until April paid us a visit that I found out where you'd gone. I think that's when I started to not care anymore. _


	10. Betrayal

**Betrayal**

_You're getting closer   
To pushing me off of life's little edge   
'Cause I'm a loser   
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead   
You're getting closer...   
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall   
'Cause I'm a loser   
I'm a loser, yeah_

-3 Doors Down   
"Loser"

**RAPHAEL:**

_It went on like that for months. I didn't know where you were most of the time. I tried not to think about it. I tried not to get angry. I drowned myself in alcohol and watched the clock, wondering if I'd see you. I think in all those minutes that passed I thought of you for a fraction of every one of them. _

_I also thought about Sasha. It was hard not to think about her, when she was always in my face. She didn't understand the concept of the word "over". As in "it's over between us". She also didn't seem to understand that there was nothing there to begin with. Or maybe she understood better than I thought. Maybe she knew that if she pushed me hard enough, and picked her moments, she'd put me over the edge. I guess I knew it too. So I tried to stay away from her. But in those moments of weakness... when you were a million miles away... it got hard to refuse her. _

_She backed down for a few weeks. I think she must've had it planned. She stepped back for just long enough to allow me to let down my guard. And I did. And then she hit my emotions with the force of a tidal wave. _

**SASHA:**

He slipped out of the lair at two in the morning. I followed him at a safe distance. If he noticed me, he didn't say anything. On the surface, it was raining. Water pounded on the streets of New York as I followed him out of the sewers. I was drenched in seconds, but I didn't mind. 

I was expecting him to go to the bar. But that's not where he went. Instead, he headed for a dark alley. I followed, curious, and saw him climb the fire escape. I followed him all the way to the roof and saw him leaning against the ledge. The rain created a wall between us, an eerie gray mist separating our worlds. I approached him slowly, hesitantly. He looked so tired, yet he wasn't sleeping. I listened to the shower pounding on the city, a violent tantrum raging through the streets. He seemed oblivious, but I knew he could probably feel my approach. He seemed to have a knack for that. Guess it was all of his _ninja _training. 

I leaned on the cement ledge next to him, expecting a burst of anger. But none came. The rain fell heavy on my shoulders, soaking my hair and dripping down my clothes. His head was hung between his shoulders, his eyes closed. The rain dripped down his face, but he remained still as a statue. I wasn't sure he was even breathing. 

"You look tired," I whispered. 

He was quiet for a moment. "I _am _tired," he finally answered. 

"Why aren't you in bed?" 

He opened his eyes slowly. A hint of annoyance flashed across his features, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. "Can't sleep." 

"Mmm," I acknowledged. "Where's Kat?" 

"Work." 

"Wasn't she supposed to be home tonight?" 

He mumbled something in confirmation, but I don't think it was actually a word. "It must be so hard on you," I said, staring down at the cars far below us. The rain beat on my shoulders and back as I leaned over the ledge. 

"Yeah," he muttered. He hid his face in his hands. "I never see her anymore." 

There was a long pause. "I know it doesn't help much but... I know how you feel. And I'm sorry." He lowered his hands again and stared down at the street below. "I hate seeing anyone like this," I whispered, resting a hand on his arm. "But especially you. Because I still feel like I owe you." 

"For what?" 

"For everything you've done. For me and Amy. And for..." I paused. It wasn't a good idea to push him. Not yet. Not like that. "For everything..." 

"You don't owe me anything," he mumbled. 

I looked away. There was a long silence. "How do you know?" he finally asked. 

"Hmm?" 

"You said you know how I feel. How?" 

I smiled, hiding the cynicism I felt. "Jackson was like that. Before he died." 

He looked to my hand. "Why do you still wear the ring?" 

I shrugged, instinctively covering it with my hand. "I dunno. Guess it kind of helps to ease the pain sometimes, you know? To think that I was part of something special once." I considered my words and sighed. Who was I kidding? "Actually, it was never like that," I admitted. "It was all wrong. We only knew each other for about a month. And then, like, a week after we were married, he ended up taking off to France on some business endeavor. He was killed in a car wreck after six months there. I never saw him all during that time." I laughed cynically as I considered the thought. "So trust me, I know how you feel." 

"What kind of business?" Raph questioned. His voice was monotone and emotionless. 

"He was a computer engineer. One of the best. I thought it would be great, at first. I mean, he made this ungodly amount of money and had a bunch of investments in the stock market. Sent me money all the time and then wouldn't even talk to me on the phone. He just totally didn't care anything about me. Then when he died, the company he'd invested in went bankrupt or something and I lost everything. And he had all these debts I didn't know about, that I had to pay off. I ended up on the streets." 

He didn't answer. I sighed. "Work was so important to him. Really, I just wanted to spend some time with him. But he didn't really seem to care. Work was so much more important." 

"Yeah," he mumbled. I knew I'd hit a nerve. 

"Do you ever feel like that?" I prodded. 

No response. I didn't really expect one. I knew him well enough to guess what he would and would not say. He would not admit to any kind of emotion. "Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into, you know?" I sighed. "And then it was so 'bad' to get my needs fulfilled from somewhere else." 

"An affair," he rephrased. I wasn't sure if it was a question or a realization or what. 

"Yeah, that's what it would be called," I mumbled back. "And I did. I slept around a lot. He knew about it, and he didn't care. Once or twice, it was more than a one night stand." I glanced at him. "I won't lie to you, Raphael. You were the best lay I ever had. I really wanted to see you again. But I could never find you." 

"There was a reason for that," he informed me. 

"What reason?" 

"I didn't want you falling in love with me. And I knew you were prone to do that." 

I studied him for a moment. "You saw that, huh?" 

He glanced up at me. "I won't lie to you either, Sasha. I knew you were married that night even before I left the bar with you. I notice those things. And regardless of what we did or why we did it, I didn't want do be a permanent fixture between you and your husband." 

"Was it wrong?" I questioned. "At the time? Did you think it was wrong?" 

He shrugged. "I didn't care. I was an asshole back then." 

"So you did?" 

"Yeah. Sure." He sounded disinterested in his response. "I knew the difference between right and wrong, even if I chose not to let it affect me." 

I sighed. "I wish it was always that simple," I whispered. 

He cast a questioning glance at me. "What?" 

"Right and wrong. I wish there was no gray area in between." 

He looked away again. "What makes you think there is?" 

I considered his words for a moment before I spoke. "Let me ask you this," I started. "Now that you're on _this _side of it, does it seem so wrong?" He didn't answer. "When the person you're with doesn't give a damn about you? And you have needs that they don't care about?" 

He glanced at me and I saw pain in his eyes. "Don't ask me that, Sasha. You know how I feel." 

"Yes," I whispered. "I do. But I'm not sure _you _know how you feel right now." 

He turned to me and I leaned back against the ledge. God, he was intimidating when he tried to be. I felt his fingers wrap around my upper arms and suddenly, he was kissing me. I was totally shocked. I hadn't been expecting that! I closed my eyes and pressed to him, instinct guiding me. The rain ran down my face and into my mouth as it opened and joined with his. I felt his grip tighten as he explored deeply, his tongue circling mine. Passion welled up inside of me and I longed to touch him, but he held my arms to my sides. He closed the kiss slowly, allowing our lips to remain together for a moment longer. We breathed air from each other's lungs. Then, slowly, he pulled back. 

I opened my eyes and searched him silently. He was staring at me with a strange look on his face. I had never seen a mix of so many emotions. Shock, awe, desire, fear... panic. His grip on my arms loosened and he took a few shaky breaths. I reached up hesitantly and touched the side of his face. He jerked back and grabbed my wrist. Anger flashed, but quickly dissipated. It was replaced by a look of horror. Without a word, he threw my hands to my sides and spun away from me, disappearing into the rain. 

**LEONARDO:**

He came into the lair a little before midnight, and stopped short when he saw me. "Hey, Raph, where ya been?" It wasn't a demand. It was small talk. Luckily, he saw that. He'd been touchy lately, and I didn't want to start a fight. 

He studied me for a moment. "What are you doing up?" he asked, choosing not to answer. 

I shrugged. "I haven't been able to sleep lately." 

He gave one more glance around the room and walked over to the couch. "Why not?" 

"A lot of it's Amy, I think. I'm worried about her. She's getting close to her due date and she's starting to get a little panicky. Not to mention that she's a little emotional." I smiled. An understatement. Amy was a _lot _emotional. 

Raphael sat down on the arm of the couch. The light from the oil lamp flickered across his features. "She gonna go to April's? Like we were talking earlier?" 

I nodded. "Yeah. Don thinks she'll be safe for another week or so though. She's freaked about going up to the surface again." 

"Is she going alone?" 

"No. Sasha's going with her." 

At the mention of Sasha's name, he tensed. I studied him carefully. "Are you okay, Raph?" I questioned, not wanting to pressure him. I knew something was bothering him. It had been for days. He was trying to hide it, but I could see through him. My brother and quite possibly my best friend, there wasn't much he could hide from me. Mike had noticed it too, and thought it had something to do with Sasha. I hadn't noticed the connection for myself until now. 

"I'm fine," he answered, looking away. 

I wasn't buying that. "You sure?" 

He was quiet for a moment, as if he were considering his options. "Yeah, I'm... fine." 

"Okay," I answered. If he didn't want to talk about it, I wasn't about to force him. I knew what that would lead to. He hid his face behind his hands and for a long time, it was silent. 

Finally, he stood up. "Okay, well, I'm gonna go crash," he mumbled. He avoided eye contact with me as he walked to his room and shut himself in. 

**DONATELLO:**

"I feel like a freak." 

I laughed quietly and brushed her hair out of her eyes. She was lying on her back, her head resting in the crook of my elbow. "You're not a freak," I assured her. "Trust me." 

She turned her head and smiled faintly as our eyes met. "Donny, I'm fourteen years old and nine months pregnant," she reminded me. "I'll never fit in. Never be normal. Not that I ever really _was _but..." 

I pulled her head close to me and rested it on my shoulder. "You could always go for adoption," I sighed. "It's not to late for that, and you know it. And you know I'll support you in whatever decision you make." 

"No," she mumbled. "No, I don't want to do that." 

I didn't think so. "Just a suggestion." 

She was quiet for a moment, then she laughed quietly. "What?" I questioned, pulling away and looking at her. 

She took my hands and placed it on her raised stomach. And I felt the baby kick against my palm. "She's restless," she whispered. 

"It's a 'she'?" I questioned, amused. 

Amy nodded. "I think so." 

"How do you know?" 

She considered that for a minute. "I dunno. I just... feel it." 

I smiled. "What are you going to name her?" 

There was a moment of silence. The baby moved again. "I was thinking Salome." 

"Salome," I repeated. "Means peace." 

She smiled. "I know. From the Hebrew _Shalom_." 

"It was also the name of Heradotus's daughter. Did you know that?" 

She laughed quietly. "Yes." 

I pulled close to her. "It's late," I whispered. 

"I know." 

She sighed deeply, and I felt her fall asleep in my arms. 

**KATARINA:**

I stood and walked to the counter where I had been separating scripts earlier. It looked as if a tornado had struck the papers. I took a deep breath, trying to control my anger. _Who the hell did this? _I sorted through the mess of papers that were strewn all over, knowing that if any one of them didn't get to its proper place, I'd end up with the blame. 

It took me nearly ten minutes to get the mess sorted out. I rushed the scripts to their owners and got to the control room about two minutes before the show. I was supposed to be there ten minutes before we went on the air, so I was really pushing it. But I'd been running all morning. Finally, I had an opportunity to just sit here and relax. "Can I get my scripts please?" Christie demanded. 

I clenched my fists so hard I felt my nails draw blood in my palms. Her royal highness couldn't possibly get her own damn scripts! I ran to the newsroom grabbed the scripts... and dropped them all over the floor. The anger boiled over. "Dammit!" I practically yelled. I was glad no one was in the newsroom to hear me except for Jess and an editor who'd wandered in. 

I was really starting to hate this job. Every aspect of it was beginning to wear on me. I couldn't stand much more of it. They had decided that we were doing fine with less producers. So when they hired more, they only hired two. So my hours were still crazy. And there was nothing I could do about it. It was slowly but surely destroying my life. 

I grabbed the pile of papers and sprinted back to the control room, where I dropped them in Christie's lap. _Here's your fucking scripts__! _The anchor was already reading the first few words by the time I sat down in front of the prompter. My pulse pounding, anger clouding my vision, I tried desperately to pace myself with the anchors as they stumbled through the first headlines. It vaguely resembled my writing. I'd written it, after all, but Christie had changed nearly every word. 

"And blood splatter is one thing always present at a crime scene..." I clenched my teeth, furious. Not only was that less fluid than what I had written, but it was also flat-out _wrong. Dammit! _I hated when we said things wrong on the air. Especially when it was changed from something I wrote that was right! 

I made it to the first commercial break and immediately, the phone rang. It was the anchor, on the set. Christie took the call, and turned to me. "Robin says you need to slow down, she's having a hard time following the prompter." 

**DONATELLO:**

"Donny, I think you'll want to see this." 

I walked into the living room and stood behind the couch, watching April. The words sent a wave of sadness over me. "A three-year-old boy infected with an unknown disease has died. Timothy Clareson has been in a coma for nearly five months. Doctors say they still don't know _why _the boy suddenly died. Timothy's mother was killed back in Arpil. His sister, fourteen-year-old Amy Clareson is still missing. That investigation is ongoing." 

Leo and I exchanged glances. There was a moment of silence. I looked away. "I think _you'd _better tell her," he mumbled. 

I looked up at him. "Why?" I questioned. I wasn't arguing. I wasn't curious. I was stalling. 

"I think it'll be easiest coming from you." 

I sighed. "It's not going to be easy no matter who tells her." 

"Donny..." 

I closed my eyes, and breathed deep. "She in her room?" 

"Yeah." 

Amy was lying on her back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. I stopped short as I saw her. She moved her eyes to me, and then turned her head. She laughed quietly. "This must look really strange," she smiled. 

I stepped into the bedroom and closed the door behind me. "Uh, yeah, a little," I answered hesitantly. 

She laughed again. "It feels good on my back," she informed me. "It kind of takes some of the pressure away." 

I nodded slowly and sat down next to her, my legs crossed. She looked up at me, her light brown hair fanning around her. The smile fell from her face as she noticed the expression on mine. "Something wrong, Donny?" 

The look on her face was so innocent, so unsuspecting, I hated telling her this. "Amy..." I struggled. I sighed deeply. "Your brother..." 

Sadness flooded to her eyes, and I knew I didn't have to say anything more. She sighed deeply, and looked away. I took her hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry." 

Her eyes closed, and she remained silent for a few moments. "No," she finally breathed. "It's okay. He was already gone." 

She looked to me again. "Did they say how he died?" 

I shook my head. "I don't think they really know. They just said he died suddenly. I'll try to find out more, though." 

She smiled faintly, and raised her hand to my plastron. "It's okay, Donny. You don't have to." 

My heart broke as I studied her expression. She was trying so hard to hide the pain, but I could see through the smile. Sadness clouded her eyes, but she didn't cry. God, she was strong. Or maybe she was just numb. I lowered next to her on the floor, still holding her hand, and pulled her head to my chest. "Amy..." 

I wasn't trying to get her attention, or even really trying to comfort her. It just felt good to say her name. I felt her breathe deep and kissed her temple. 

I froze, suddenly realizing what I'd done. _What's wrong with you, Donny? _I'd kissed her before. Her forehead. Her hair. The kind of things a father or an older brother would do. A _normal _father, that is. But I was pushing it. That wasn't an "older brother" kiss. And I hadn't meant to. It just... happened. I looked to her for a reaction. Her eyes were closed, a blank expression on her face. I studied her for a moment. She hadn't noticed it. But I had, and it worried me. 

_Why? What's so wrong about falling in love with her? _The words sounded strange to my mind. _She's smart, pretty, strong... _

_Fourteen! _

_Yeah, well, there's that. But in a few years..._

In a few years, it would be different. But a few years was not now. Hell, I didn't even know if she'd _be _here in a few years. I doubted it, and I couldn't set my sights on that. 

_You might as well stop fighting it; you know you love her. _

_Shut up. That's _wrong. 

_No, it's not wrong to feel this way toward her... It's wrong to take advantage of her because of what you're feeling. _

I stopped to ponder that thought. I had no good comeback to the argument raging in my mind. Amy breathed deep and rested against me. I was still surprised that she had not had more of a reaction to news of her brother's death. Maybe she was still in shock. Regardless of her reasoning, she was calm. 

"Donny?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you think he was in pain?" 

I considered that for a moment. "No, I don't think so." 

She opened her eyes and stared up at me. "What do you think killed him?" 

I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know, Amy," I whispered, cringing at how painfully honest the words were. "I'm not sure we'll ever know." 


	11. Needs

**Needs**

_I just need this to be alright   
I can't feel this another night   
I can't take this I come unglued   
I might break down in front of you_

-Staind   
"Pressure"

**RAPHAEL:**

I laid on my back, staring up at the ceiling. It was three in the morning. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. It seemed I was doing a lot of that lately. I closed my eyes. I hadn't even seen Kat in three days. She didn't call, didn't seem to care in the least. I'd spent most of that time locked in my room, avoiding conversation. I knew where it would lead: lying, anger, and frustration. And then what? 

I was still in shock and horror at my own actions. I hadn't meant for that to happen. And I still wasn't sure why it had. _No, Raph, you know why. And you know how. You just don't know what the hell you're going to do about it. _

Yeah, I knew why. Because I was an asshole, and she was beautiful, and I was quickly approaching the level of "desperate". And it didn't take a whole lot to turn me on at this point. I groaned as I turned my face into the pillow. That didn't make it right. There was no _fucking _excuse! 

I considered the emotions raging through me and glanced at the phone on the bedside table. _You should call her. _I glanced at the clock. 3:07. She was probably too busy to talk. _That doesn't matter. You should still call. _

I debated for a few minutes, then finally reached for the phone. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "News Channel Three, this is Angela." 

"Hey, is Kat there?" 

"Uh... I think she's in the control room right now. Can I tell her who this is?" 

"Raphael." 

"Alright, I'll go see if I can find her." 

The phone went silent as I was put on hold. I was half expecting her to get angry at me for calling and interrupting her. I stood up and stretched, then headed for the door. I needed a drink. Finally, the phone was answered. "Hey, Raph, what's up?" Kat asked. She sounded exhausted. 

"Heya, babe," I answered. "Can you talk?" 

She sighed. "Yeah, I actually kind of need a break." 

"Long night?" 

"You have _no _idea." 

The living room was empty and silent. Hearing her voice was already making this loneliness harder. "When will you be home?" 

She sighed deeply. "I don't know, Raphael," she answered quietly. 

"Guess then. Give me a time, even if you don't stick to it." 

I reached the kitchen and opened the fridge, my hand falling to a bottle of beer. "Tomorrow morning?" she tried. I could tell she didn't really believe her own words. "I'll be home when I get off work so I can sleep for a few hours. But I have a class at noon." 

I cringed as I closed the door again and walked back into the living room. "You're gonna be exhausted." 

"Yes." 

Desperation washed over me as I sat down on the edge of the couch. I was suddenly disinterested in the beer. It wasn't what I really wanted anyway. "Katarina, I miss you so much," I whispered. 

"I know," she sighed. Her voice sounded cold and disinterested. "But there's nothing I can do right now." 

"Come home," I pleaded. 

"Raph, I can't just walk out of work in the middle of my shift," she said quietly. 

"Tell them your sick. Or I'm sick. Tell them I'm dying and in the hospital, shit, I don't care!" 

She sighed. "I can't do that." 

I hung my head and remained quiet for a minute. "And I have a huge test tomorrow, so don't ask me to skip school," she continued. "If I'm not there for that test..." 

"Screw your test, Kat," I interrupted. A feeling nearing panic was quickly sweeping over me. "I need you." 

"I can't do that, Raph. This test counts for a third of my grade." 

I calmed my voice, but I couldn't calm the feelings raging inside of me. "Kat, please. I have to talk to you." 

"Raphael, please don't start this." She sounded annoyed. 

"Start what, Katarina? I'm not trying to..." 

"You're frustrated because we haven't had sex in two weeks, right or wrong?" 

I considered that. It was true, but it was not why I needed to see her. "It's not just that, Kiara." 

"What, then?" she shot at me. "And don't call me that." 

Anger stung at the backs of my eyes and I bit back the urge to snap back at her. I didn't call her by her real name often. Normally, it was a way of saying "I'm very serious about this." 

"Fine," I answered, struggling to remain calm. "Whatever. You know what? I don't want to argue with you. I will say anything you want me to say and I will do anything you want me to do. Just please..." I was begging her, I realized. Actually begging. _Dammit, Kat, why do you make me do this? _"I need to see you." 

"Raph, you're being childish." 

Her cold words did nothing to ease the fury that was quickly growing in my chest. "Katarina, I have to talk to you," I informed her harshly. "And it's important. I've danced around your prior commitments for months now and this time it's..." 

"What do you want from me, Raphael?" she shot back, cutting me off. "We both knew it would be hard if I went back to school and you still encouraged me to do it." 

"I didn't know I would never see you again!" I cried. 

"You're so dramatic." She was patronizing me. God, I hated that. It was the one thing I _really _hated when I talked to people, and she knew it. 

"Kat, you don't understand," I growled. "I _have to _talk to you." 

"So talk," she shot at me. 

The anger faded into a mix of sadness and despair as I remembered what it was I had to tell her. "I... Kat, it's not something I can talk about over the phone." 

"Well, it can't be that important then." 

I was too emotionally exhausted to allow the anger to well up again. "No, Kat, trust me," I mumbled. "You don't want me to tell you this over the phone. You need to come home." 

"Raph, I can't." 

Her voice was so cold and determined. I hung my head and breathed deep, feeling tears sting the backs of my eyes. "Katarina, please," I whispered, afraid my voice might crack if I spoke any louder. "You don't understand. I need you." 

"Raph..." she warned. 

"I am _begging _you, Kat, please!" 

She was silent for a moment. Finally, I heard her sigh. "I have to go, Raph." 

"I have to tell you..." 

But she wasn't listening anymore. "Good-bye." 

I whispered her name once more as the phone went dead. For a long time, I just sat there, listening to the silence, then the dial tone. Then, finally, I hung up. Alone and confused, I wasn't sure what to feel. I wanted to tell her. I wanted so badly to confess everything, but she wouldn't let me. 

"Raphael?" 

The quiet voice cut through the stillness and I hid my face in my hands. "Go away, Sasha," I pleaded. 

"She did it again, didn't she?" she whispered. 

"Please leave." 

She didn't leave. She sat down a few feet away from me on the couch. "I'm so sorry, Raph," she whispered, running her hand lightly over my arm. 

_Please_, please, _go away! Not while I feel like this!_

"I don't understand how she could treat you like this," she whispered. "She has to know how hard it is." 

"Please go back to bed, Sasha," I pleaded. I knew I was weak. I knew there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. "Please..." 

**SASHA:**

I remained quiet for a moment, gently stroking his arm. "Have you ever considered that she might have another boyfriend?" I asked. "At school or at work?" 

"Yes," he admitted. "But I don't think she does. She's just busy." 

"Well, she's obviously not nearly as desperate as you are. Perhaps she's not too busy to do it in a bathroom stall somewhere." 

He cringed. I could tell he'd thought of that, too. "Sasha, please," he begged. 

"She doesn't love you Raphael." 

"You're wrong." He was grasping now. I could hear the desperation in his voice. 

"How could she love you and put you through this?" 

He shook his head, his eyes fixed on the floor. "No." 

"She would make time for you, Raph. If she loved you, she would make time." 

"Sasha, you're wrong." 

"I'm not wrong, Raphael," I whispered. "And you know it." 

He was silent. I moved closer to him and slipped my fingers into his. His hand remained limp, but he didn't pull away. He was close to that breaking point. "Let me satisfy you Raph... Let me make you feel good again." 

"Sasha..." he warned. 

"Just one night," I whispered. "Just to ease that burning need." 

"Sasha, please don't do this." 

I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. "I know you're strong, Raphael. You must be, to have gone his long. But even _you _have needs." He didn't argue that. I kissed his neck, running my hand lightly down the front of his body. He didn't pull away. "Let me take care of your needs, Raphael." 

"No, Sasha." 

He was close. Pleading with me. He was _so _close to breaking down. "It doesn't have to mean anything," I whispered. "And nobody has to know." 

"_I'll _know." 

"What difference does it make if it doesn't mean anything?" 

"I don't love you Sasha." 

"You never did," I reminded him. "What does that have to do with anything?" 

He didn't have an answer for that. "Love has nothing to do with our relationship," I continued. "It never did. Just needs." I ran my tongue along his skin. "Let me take care of your needs." 

He was breathing hard. He stopped trying to hide it. I moved over him, straddling his legs and held his face as I kissed him. As he pulled away, his head came to rest on my shoulder. I could feel his warm breath on my neck and his muscles relaxed under my touch. Finally, and of his own accord, he kissed the side of my neck. I moaned slightly as his hand raised to my side and ran up the inside of my shirt. I wasn't wearing a bra, and his hand found my breast as he reached behind me and pulled me to him... 

**LEONARDO:**

I knew from the moment I opened my eyes that something was terribly wrong. I could feel it in the air, though I couldn't explain how. I sat up slowly and glanced at the clock. It was morning, and I'd overslept. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was much more serious than that. It was burning in my chest, insistent on having my immediate attention. 

I yawned as I swung my legs over the side of the bed, trying to wake up. What day was it? Tuesday, I guessed. Not that it made much difference. I stood to my feet and stretched, the nagging feeling still tugging at me. What was it? _Where _was it? I left my room and wandered through the living room. The eerie feeling hit me like a blast of cold air. I froze, shocked. Danger? No, it wasn't danger. It was something else... Something... 

An unopened bottle of beer was on the coffee table. All bedroom doors were closed. No sound came from any of them. I concentrated for a moment, wondering how easily I could force the feeling out into the open. It seemed like it would be easy, with how strong it was. But I couldn't determine anything. Disinterested in food or activity, I walked back into my room and closed the door behind me. Secluded, I sat down on the floor, legs crossed. 

I breathed deep for a few moments, closing my eyes and trying to clear my mind. The feeling pressed in on me. _What feeling? _It was remarkably like the feeling of danger that I felt when an enemy was nearby. But it wasn't danger. It wasn't threatening. Not me, at least. _Who?_

I heard my breathing, steady and slow, and allowed the blackness to form into a vision. There was nothing, except a strange feeling. _What feeling? _Raphael. It was Raph. Something was wrong. Something was _very _wrong. It had been building for days, and I'd felt it then. But now, something had happened. A line had been crossed and that feeling of impending doom had turned I into a full-blown battle. 

I reached through the layers of confusion to the heart of the problem and gasped involuntarily at the sudden surge of emotion. Overwhelmed and shocked, my concentration was broken. My eyes flashed open. For a moment, I felt nothing. Then, the quiet stirring. I saw the shadows outlining the furniture in my room as I evaluated what had just happened. What the hell was _that? Okay, focus. Relax. Clear your mind. And be _prepared _this time!_

I breathed in, closed my eyes, and relaxed. Blackness. Through the stillness, I felt the emotion building. Instinct screamed at me to attack the feeling full-force, but my training kept me from acting out. I knew patience was the only way I would get anywhere. So I waited, patiently, feeling my way through the darkness, until the door opened again. This time, I'd made a conscious decision not to be surprised. But the feelings were overwhelming. I felt my breath catch. 

Desperation. Shock. Fear. Anger. Regret. Confusion. Panic. Sadness. Dishonor. Need. Worry. Pain. Frustration. Desire. Rejection. Jealousy. Apathy. Hate. Shame. Lust. Anxiety. Loneliness. Emptiness. Terror. Denial. Suspicion. Depression. 

_Oh, God, Raph, what did you do?_


	12. Regret

**Regret**

_I am the only one to blame for this.   
Somehow it all ends up the same.   
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride I flew too high,   
And like I charus I collide,   
With a world I've tried so hard to leave behind.   
To rid myself of all but love, to give and die. _

_(To love you)   
Take my world apart   
(To need you)   
I am on my knees   
(To love you)   
Take my world apart   
(To need you)   
Broken on my knees._

-Jars of Clay   
"Worlds Apart"

**RAPHAEL:**

"Leo? You got a minute?" 

He looked up. "Sure, Raph. What's up?" 

I sat down in the chair across from him and rested my elbows on the table, burying my face in my hands as I tried to think of what to say. It was quiet for a moment. My breathing resounded in my ears. "God, I... I feel like an idiot, Leo," I confessed. "But frankly, I need some stable advice. And I guess if I have to talk to someone, it should at least be someone I know I can trust, right?" 

I glanced up at him, not sure what I was hoping for. He stared back, his face expressionless. I pushed the chair back and stood up again, turning away from him. I couldn't stay still. "Alright, you know, I'm not real good with speeches so I'm just gonna flat out tell you this. I slept with Sasha last night." 

"I know." 

I turned and stared at him. "What do you mean, you know?" 

His gaze remained steady on mine. "I knew something was wrong when I got up this morning. It didn't take much to figure out what it was. There was so much emotion it was hard _not _to feel it." 

I turned away from him again and leaned forward against the fridge. "I'm not good with emotion," I mumbled. 

"I know," he answered calmly. 

He wasn't giving me anything to go on. I still wasn't sure exactly what I was hoping for, but I knew I didn't want to have to keep restarting this conversation. I rested my forehead on the cool metal. "I still don't know how it _fucking _happened!" The sentence started off calm, but ended with my fist against the freezer door. 

"Were you drinking?" 

I sighed. "No." 

"Raph..." 

He didn't believe me. I turned to him. "Shit, Leo, if I was gonna lie to you do you _really _think I would've started this conversation?" 

He studied me for a minute, his gaze unfaltering. I crossed my arms over my chest and gripped my elbows. "And I _knew _it was gonna happen, dammit!" I shot. Not at him. It was directed more at myself. I had to get this all out of my system now, because no amount of justification was going to help matters when I talked to Kat. And I knew that I had to talk to her. If I didn't tell her, she'd figure it out on her own. She wasn't stupid. Of course, if she never had a chance to _see _me, it was hard for her to figure _anything _out! 

"I knew it from the moment I fucking _saw _her! Just that stupid seductive way she looked at me and I tried to tell her then but she was too busy to care!" 

"Tried to tell who?" Leo questioned calmly. "Kat?" 

"Yeah. But she wouldn't listen. And then the other night, when I went out, she fucking _followed _me. I mean, I left to get away from that, and she followed me. Deliberately, too. It wasn't an accident." 

"You've been with her more than once?" He seemed a little surprised at that. But he was hiding his emotions well. 

"No, not like that. Not recently. I mean, I did a long time ago when I was, like eighteen or something. But the other night, I just... Shit, I don't know how it happened." 

"You knew she was following you," he reminded me. 

I stared at him for a moment. Of course he would know that. I sighed. "Yeah, Leo, I knew," I admitted, turning my head. 

"If you wanted to stop her, why didn't you?" 

I looked back at him. His voice was totally void of emotion. How the hell did he do it? "I didn't want to stop her," I answered quietly. "I... wanted someone to talk to, and Kat wasn't there." I shook my head and cut my gaze away from him. "She hasn't been there for _months_. And that doesn't make it right but... I think that's why I did it." 

There was a moment of silence. "Did what?" 

I sighed. "I kissed her." I continued in a rush. "And I felt real bad about it and I..." 

"Did you initiate it?" he interrupted. "Or did she?" 

"What the hell _difference _does it make, Leo?" I yelled. 

"It makes a lot of difference," he answered, his voice still calm. Geez, it _killed _me how he could do that. 

I closed my eyes and dropped my head. "I did." 

He sighed audibly. I glanced up and saw his eyes closed, and head turned. The emotionless expression was gone, replaced by a look of pain. "Jesus, Raph," he mumbled. I cringed at the disappointment and sadness in his voice, and looked away. 

"I tried to tell Kat," I mumbled, looking away. I couldn't stand to see that expression on his face. "I called her at work." 

There was a moment of silence. Anger flooded through me again as I considered that conversation. "And?" Leo asked. His voice was calm and emotionless again. 

"And she just _totally _blew me off and was fuckin' patronizing me and shit! Just ripped me up and didn't listen to a word I said when...!" 

"Did you tell her?" 

I spun, turning my back on him. "What, over the phone? Leo, I'm not smart, but I'm not fucking _stupid_. _Tell _me how it could've been a good thing to tell her that in the middle of her shift at work, when she's gotta go through the rest of her night acting like nothing's wrong!" 

"She would've come home," he informed me. 

"For what?" I demanded, turning on my heel to see him again. "To scream and yell and cry all over the place?" 

"Raph," he tried to interrupt. 

"And it wouldn't have done a damn bit of good. One of us would've stormed out of here and it would've happened anyhow!" 

"Raphael, you're not giving Kat enough credit." I stared at him. "Have you _ever _known her to be like that?" he demanded. "She's stronger than that, and you know it." 

I sighed as I turned away. "Yeah, well, you may be right but I can't change anything," I mumbled. "And I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do now." 

He was quiet for a moment. "Well, obviously, you have to tell her." 

"How?" I shot sarcastically. "Oh, yeah, Kat, I just fucked my old girlfriend who just so happens to be your former best friend and she was a really great lay. And by the way, as if you care, I really do love you." 

He shook his head slowly. "Raph..." 

"What, Leo?" I demanded angrily. "What? She won't _let _me talk to her! Am I just supposed to casually mention it in passing?" 

"Raphael, she obviously does not realize that there's any serious threat to your relationship or she would _make _time to hear you out." I considered that in the moment of silence that followed. "I'm not saying you should say all that in one breath and I'd _definitely _discourage the sarcasm. But tell her enough to make her realize it's serious and I guarantee she'll listen to you." 

"Hey guys." 

I spun around and saw Katarina in the doorway. Immediately, instinctively, I looked away. "Hi, Kat," Leo greeted, saving me. 

"Hi. What's going on? You two arguing again?" She laughed, her voice tired. I felt her hand on my shoulder and she kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes, guilt sweeping over me. She pressed to me, slipping her hand into mine. Instinctively, I shot Leo a pleading look. His steady gaze spoke volumes, providing a source of strength. God, I wasn't looking forward to this. 

With one last breath of encouragement, Leo stood and walked out of the kitchen. Kat moved in front of me and guided my hand around her waist before draping her arms over my shoulders. She rested her head on her arm, burying her face in my neck. I tensed, remembering Sasha's perfume and hoping that I didn't smell like it. I didn't want to be on the defensive side of this. 

I wasn't going to fight. I had no right to defend myself, and I knew it. Reasons aside, what I'd done was _wrong_. So wrong, in fact, that I wasn't entirely sure I could expect forgiveness. _Not a word, Raph, _I threatened myself. _Just the facts. Don't you _dare _blame her..._

I felt her lips press to my neck. "Raph?" 

"Yeah?" I choked. It came out as a whisper. I felt my heartbeat quicken. 

"I'm sorry. About what I said on the phone. And I'm sorry that I've been so busy. I know this has been really hard on you and I should really have been more sensitive." 

_Oh, god, Kat, why _now_? Of all the times you could've picked to apologize, why now?_

"No, it's... it's not your fault." 

She pulled away and put her cold hands on either side of my face. Then she pulled my lips to hers, kissing me gently. I kissed her back, more out of habit than interest. My mind was elsewhere. The knot in my stomach was making me feel sick. 

Her hands slid down, over my neck, and she clasped her hands behind me as her kiss turned more passionate. She pressed hard to me and I had the sudden urge to pull away. Guilt overwhelmed me. She didn't feel it. She pulled away slowly as if nothing was wrong, and stared up at me. I realized I was holding my breath and let it out slowly. 

"You wanna fool around?" she smiled, her hands trailing gently over my body. I couldn't answer her. My voice was gone. 

She took my hands and smiled seductively up at me. "Come on," she whispered. 

Inside our room, she closed the door and pressed hard to me. "Uh, Kat?" 

"Shhh..." she breathed, curling her fingers under my plastron and feeling along hidden skin. 

With a sudden and determined burst of energy, I grabbed her wrists. "No. Baby, there's something I have to tell you." I cringed, knowing that I couldn't back out now. 

She stared up at me, seemingly shocked. "Can it wait?" 

"No," I answered quietly. "No, it can't." 

I felt my stomach tie in knots and reminisced of another intense confession, much like this one. I had been on the receiving end of it before. This was the first time I was on _this _side of a talk like this. God, I hoped it would be the last. I lowered her arms to her sides and struggled to find words. 

"Kat, I..." I stammered. I turned away from her. "We, uh, we have to talk." I leaned forward against the dresser, facing the wall. "You need to sit down." 

"Raph, I..." 

"Just sit," I ordered, more roughly than I meant to. "And don't talk 'cause I need to get this out." 

I felt her move across the room and the bed creaked slightly as she sat down on the edge of it. There was a long silence. She didn't interrupt it. Finally, I breathed deep. "I... I don't know that there's any easy way to say this..." 

It got quiet again. I swallowed hard. This was a hell of a lot easier to say to Leo. "You remember when I said...?" 

_No! _I stopped myself. _You are _not _going to justify this. Just spit it out and shut your fucking mouth!_

"I slept with Sasha," I rushed, before I could think about it. 

She was quiet for a moment. The calm before the storm. "No, you never told me that," she mumbled. It took me a minute to figure out what she meant. "But Raph, I know you did a lot of things that..." 

Warning bells sounded in my head. _Raphael, do _not _let her finish that sentence! _"No, I mean..." I cut her off, turning to face her. It was a big mistake. My voice was suddenly gone. She stared at me in confusion. She didn't even suspect... Oh, god, that made it so much harder. 

She sighed and looked away. "Raphael, it's okay," she whispered. "That was a long time ago." 

My heart broke. I found myself on my knees in front of her. I bowed my head, resting my face in her lap. "No, Kat," I whispered, grief flooding through me. "You don't understand..." 

And suddenly, she did. I felt her tense, and there was a deadly silence. "I'm sorry," I breathed, choking on my own voice. I left it at that. No reasons. No justifications. No accusations. Just an apology. 

"Oh god," she gasped. I cringed, not sure what to expect. "Why?" 

I could think of a million reasons; none of them made it right. It wasn't her fault. I wasn't even going to try and explain. "That doesn't matter." 

She jerked away from me. "Yes, it _does _matter!" she screamed. I clenched my jaw and kept my eyes down. She was on her feet now, towering over me. I hated that, but I wasn't moving. She breathed hard for a moment and turned away, pacing back and forth a few times. I could feel her, even if I couldn't see her. 

"Do you love her?" 

"No," I answered automatically. 

"Then why?" 

I cringed. "Because I'm a jackass, Kat. What else do you want me to say?" I looked up at her and saw pain streaking her features. "There's no excuse, and I can't give you one." 

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. "Raphael, I..." she stammered. 

She spun and headed for the door. "No, Kat, wait!" I stopped her, springing to my feet. She stopped with her hand on the door, but didn't turn back. "Stay here. I'll leave." 

I took in a deep breath. She was still for a moment. Then she turned away from the door, keeping her back to me. I slipped out of the room silently. 

LEONARDO: 

"Where's Raphael?" Mike asked, wandering into the living room. "I haven't seen him all day." 

"He was in the training room earlier," Don mumbled. "He looked really upset." 

"You talk to him?" 

Donny shot him a pathetic look. "Mikey, that's suicide and you know it." 

Michaelangelo smiled, but said nothing. Amy, her head resting on Donny's shoulder, opened her eyes. "I haven't seen Sasha all day, either." 

"Or Kat," Mike added. All three of them turned to me. "Leo?" 

I glanced around at the expectant faces, debating what, if anything, I should tell them. "Kat's got a government paper due tomorrow. I dunno where Sasha is, but that's nothing new." 

"What about Raph?" 

I shrugged. "Since when does Raph tell me where he's going?" 

"Know anything about what's going on with him?" Amy sighed. 

"You'll have to ask him that," I mumbled, looking away. "He's probably just got some stuff to work out." 

"Does Raphael ever _not _have stuff to work out?" Amy giggled. 

I cast her a questioning glance, saw that the comment was made with the purest intentions, and said nothing. "Raph's got issues," Mike joked. "I'm gonna go get a pizza. You wanna come, babe?" 

She shot a pathetic look in his direction. "Mike, I'm nine months pregnant," she reminded him. "Trekking through the sewers does _not _sound like fun to me." 

He smiled and turned to me and Donny. "Guys?" 

I shook my head and waved him on, my thoughts elsewhere. I hadn't even considered Sasha. Where was she? Mike and Donny left, and Amy went to go lay down. I glanced at the closed door to Raph's room. She hadn't come out all day. I knew that she'd missed at least one class. Someone needed to at least _try _and talk to her. I sighed as I stood up. I didn't know what I could possibly say to her to make it better. 

**ANDREW:**

I held her body close to mine, burying my face in her hair. The smelled sweet, in spite of the thin sheen of sweat over her skin. "You're an angel, Sasha, you know that?" She laughed quietly but said nothing. "I don't know what I would do without you." 

"You'd suffer," she mumbled. 

I pressed hard to her, my cock rubbing against her hip. "You're so fucking good." 

"Mmm." 

She sounded disinterested. "Hey Sasha?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You know where Amy is, don't you?" 

At the mention of my girlfriend's name, Sasha tensed. There was a moment of silence. "Yes." She turned to look at me. "Why do you ask?" 

"You know, she hasn't called me in all the time she's been gone." 

She looked back up at the ceiling. "So?" 

I laughed. "Whaddaya mean, so?" 

She shrugged. "Come on, Andrew, it's not like she ever really meant anything to you. The whole reason you went out with her was because I asked you to, and nothing more." 

That was true. "Yeah. But it's the principle of the thing." 

She laughed quietly. "The principle of it, huh?" she smiled. 

"Yeah." 

I pulled back as she turned onto her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows, her kinked hair falling over her bare shoulders. "You want me to take you to her, don't you?" 

I smiled. That was _exactly _what I wanted. 

**KATARINA:**

The gentle knock startled me. I sat up on the bed and stared at the door for a moment. "Who is it?" 

"Leonardo." 

I stood slowly and brushed my hair off my face. It was hardened there with dried saline. I reached the door and turned the lock, wiping my eyes before I pulled it open. "You need something?" I asked flatly. 

A concerned look crossed his face, and he shook his head. "Just wanted to make sure you're okay." His voice came out in a whisper. 

I swallowed hard, determined not to start crying again. "Um," he started. "Can I come in? Or do you want to be alone, still?" 

The look in his eyes told me he already knew. I wasn't surprised, but I had hoped nobody knew. Not that it was a big secret or anything. I stepped back and opened the door for Leonardo. He stepped into the room and I closed it behind him. I breathed deep, turned, and locked eyes with him. "I'm so sorry, Kat," he whispered. 

I nodded slightly. "So you knew?" I choked, too tired to be hurt. 

"He told me earlier today. In the kitchen. He... he wasn't sure how to tell you." 

Well, at least he hadn't told him because he was treating it like some big secret he needed to keep from me. Leo's hand went to my shoulder and I felt tears well up in my eyes again. "I'm so sorry." 

I looked away as the tears overflowed. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me close. I allowed him to comfort me, hiding my face in his shoulder as quiet sobs wracked through my body. "God, Kat, I'm sorry," he whispered. "Raphael is just..." He sighed, and gave up on trying to finish that sentence. "There's no excuse. I'm so sorry." 

I clung to him and cried for a few minutes, grateful for the comfort he offered. Finally, I pulled away. He brushed my hair away from my eyes. For a fraction of a second, I felt threatened. The feeling faded almost instantly. He wasn't making a move on me. That was the furthest thing from his mind. His concerned gaze reflected that of a big brother, who had just seen his sister's heart broken. That feeling was not far from the truth. 

"Come on," he guided, taking my hands. "Sit down." 

He led me to the edge of the bed and sat down with me. "I just... I don't know what to think at this point," I choked, pressing the heel of my palm to my eye and wiping away the tears. 

"No, it's okay," he sighed. "I understand." 

I stared down at the floor. "I mean... I know he wouldn't have done it if..." 

"That's not..." 

He caught himself, torn between defending his brother and comforting me. I glanced at him and saw the pain in his eyes. I forced a smile and rested my hand on his forearm. "Don't, Leo," I whispered. "It's okay. I know. It's just that... I _know _he's sorry. Or he wouldn't have told me. Right?" 

He rested his hand on mine. "He loves you, Kat," he assured me. 

"Then why?" I gasped, feeling the tears sting again. "How could he...?" 

The tears overflowed and Leo pulled my head to his chest again. "I don't know, Kat." 

"I know... what I should do but..." I pulled away and stared at him. "I just... don't trust him anymore! And how can I love him if I don't trust him? He said he was done with all of that... and he... It... bothered me that he'd been with so many women but... he was done with that and..." I collapsed into him again. "God, Leo, I have no respect for him anymore! And I..." 

"Shh," he comforted as I began to sob. His hands ran up and down my back gently. "I know. It's okay." 

"It's not okay," she choked. "It's _wrong_." 

I sudden noise caught my attention. An argument, and an unfamiliar male voice. Leonardo tensed and stood up, shutting off his emotions like a water faucet. I watched him, dumbfounded, as he quickly moved to the door. "Stay here," he ordered sternly, unsheathing his _katana_. 

**AMY:**

"You shouldn't be here!" I cried, feeling the tears overflow from my eyes. 

I stared at the man with blurry vision. Fierce anger radiated from his eyes. That anger was directed at me. Beyond him, Sasha stood calmly, lighting a cigarette. "What the _fuck _Amy!" Andrew yelled, drawing my attention back to him. "You disappear off the face of the Earth and don't even bother to fucking _call _me and _I'm _the one who's doing wrong by trying to find you?" 

I looked away, unable to face him. He was towering over me, less than three feet away. I tried to take a step back to put some distance between us. Where were the guys? Did they all leave? Was I here alone? Oh, god, I prayed I wasn't alone with him! "Please," I begged. "Please leave. You shouldn't be here." 

My eyes met Sasha's. How _could _she? She knew it was wrong! After all they'd done for us, to break their most important rule... 

"Why, Sasha?" I demanded, tears streaming down my face. "You know it's against the rules! And the rules are for our safety!" 

Sasha laughed cynically. "For our safety, Amy?" she challenged. "The rules are there to control us. You turned your back on your boyfriend. How could _you _do _that_? Didn't even think to let him know you were alive." 

I clutched my arms across my chest, confused. She was wrong. I knew she was wrong. I was suddenly reminded of how close Andrew was as he reached out and grabbed my upper arms. I gasped involuntarily, and felt helplessness wash over me as his grip tightened. _Please... don't hurt me... The baby... _It wasn't for my sake that I was afraid. It was the knowledge that he could so easily harm my child. 

"Who are you?" a familiar voice demanded. 

I caught my breath, relief washing over me as I realized I wasn't alone here. Andrew dropped my arms and spun around. Leonardo stood in the doorway to Raphael's room, sword in hand and prepared to defend his home. I was safe. At least I thought I was, for a moment. 

"Jesus!" Andrew cried, his voice a mix of shock and terror. Time stopped, and the world around me was suddenly moving in slow motion. I saw his hand move. Under his jacket, to his waist... pulling something from his belt. 

I saw what it was, but I didn't have a chance to scream. 


	13. Breaking the Rules

**Breaking the Rules**

**AMY:**

I screamed and covered my ears as Leo spun back into the room. Andrew continued to fire the gun wildly, shooting at the air. Then, suddenly, the lights went out. There was a gasp, and a hard thud, but not much else. 

A moment later, the lights flashed back on. I shielded my eyes for a minute. When I looked again, I saw Michaelangelo and Leonardo both standing over Andrew. Leo's sword was at his throat. I gasped and ran to him instinctively. "Leo, no!" I cried, resting my hand on his arm. "No, please!" 

He glanced at me and I saw that he was calm, not angry like I'd expected. Mike rested a hand on my shoulder and gently pulled me back. I didn't fight him. Leo turned his attention back to Andrew. "Who are you?" he demanded. 

Andrew stared back at him with fear-filled eyes. "I'm Amy's boyfriend." 

Mike looked to me for confirmation, his eyes widening with shock. Donny appeared next to him and I felt my heart skip a beat as I recalled that I had said nothing to him about Andrew. In fact, I'd flat out lied about not having a boyfriend. Donny didn't look shocked, though. And he didn't seem angry. 

"How did you get here?" Leo asked. 

"I brought him," Sasha answered, taking a long drag on her cigarette. 

Leo turned and glared in her direction. "Put that damn thing out and tell me what the hell possessed you to do _that_." 

She pulled the cigarette from her lips and crossed her arms loosely over her chest. "Amy made _no _attempt to get ahold of him and he's been worried about her," she snapped. 

"She made no attempt to get ahold of him because she was told _not _to, remember?" he shot back at her. "And put the damn cigarette out. I _told _you you're not to smoke in here." 

Defiance in her eyes, she dropped the cigarette on the floor and ground it into the rug. Leo tensed and pulled the _katana _away from Andrew's throat. "Mike, Don, stay here," he ordered. "Sasha and I need to have a little talk." He gestured toward his room with his sword. "_Now_!" 

His voice left no room for argument, and Sasha tossed her hair as she turned and led the way into the other room. The door slammed behind them. He was mad, and he wasn't trying to hide it. I wondered why he hadn't just ripped into here right here. _Because he's Leonardo, _I answered myself. _He's all about honor and dignity and he wouldn't shame her in a crowd of people if there was any way to avoid it._

**LEONARDO:**

"I want you gone," I growled at her. 

She didn't seem the least bit interested. She inspected her nails and glanced over at me, not bothering to make eye contact. "You wanna put that away?" she suggested, gesturing loosely toward the _katana _still firmly in my grasp. 

"No," I shot at her. 

She rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips, then looked up and smiled at me. "What are you gonna do, Leo? Cut me with it?" 

Fury surged through my veins. _Do not allow anger to consume you... it will only cloud your judgement._

My judgement was clouded. And I didn't give a damn. I'd been told before that I was somewhat overprotective. I believed it. It made my blood boil to think of what she'd done to my brother. Not that he was innocent of the offense. But she took advantage of his weakness. Took advantage of _him_. She'd exploited his emotions, with the sole intention of causing him more pain. It was evident that she had known _exactly _what she was doing. That pissed me off beyond words. 

And I had allowed it. _That _hurt even more. Raph had warned me about her from day one, and I hadn't wanted to believe it. I chose to believe her apologies, her pleas... and all of them had meant nothing. She hadn't cleaned up. Hadn't gotten a real job. I doubted she went to the narcotics anonymous meetings she'd promised to attend. Why had she even told me about her problems in the first place? 

But I knew the answer to that question. Deep inside of me, I knew, though I hated to admit that I'd allowed her to play me like that. Manipulation. Deception. She knew I would find out. So she came to me, and lied through her teeth to prevent me from realizing the truth: that she was a great actress, nothing more. She didn't want to change. And she didn't want to leave. But _why?_

A few months too late, it was painfully obvious why. Maybe she wanted him, badly enough to wait. Except I didn't believe that for a moment. It was little more than a flickering thought. She didn't give a damn about Raphael. More likely, she was angry. Angry because whatever relationship they had had when he was eighteen hadn't worked out. She'd wanted it to. And now, she wanted revenge. Or maybe it wasn't that clean-cut. Maybe she had just wanted to prove how much he needed her. Or how much she _thought _he needed her. She seemed likt the type to get a thrill out of exercising her control over men, and Raph was the perfect challenge for a woman like that. But whatever her reasons were, they were _wrong_. 

I raised the sword under her chin and for a moment, she froze. "Don't _fucking _tempt me, Sasha," I warned. I could feel myself losing control, and I didn't like it. But I'd never been so furious in my life as I was at this woman standing in front of me. 

She stared at me, seemingly amused. "My my, aren't _we _tense," she smiled. "Such language..." 

I kept the sword at her throat for a moment longer. I didn't like the taunting look that suddenly flashed across her eyes. "You're starting to sound like Raphael." 

"Leave Raphael out of this," I growled at her. 

She backed away from the sword, and I lowered it. But I remained ready. I wasn't entirely sure that she didn't have a weapon of her own. "Well, that's what you're really mad about, isn't it?" she grinned evilly. "It's not about Andrew." 

"You broke the rules, Sasha." 

"Yeah, I'm good at that," she smiled, twisting the knife. For a moment, I considered putting an end to her miserable life right here and now. _Jesus, Leo, get a grip! _I warned. _This isn't _like _you!_

"I want you out of my house," I threatened. 

She approached me. I tensed, ready to defend myself at the first hint of danger. "You're so tense," she laughed, her fingers trailing over my arms to my shoulders. Nerve endings screamed at the sudden and unexpected sensation. I braced, ready to cut her hands cleanly off her arms if she made any move against me. "You need to get laid, you know that? Just like Raph did." 

That put me right over the edge. In one fluid movement, I had grabbed both of her wrists, dropping the sword, and spun her around. She tried to kick at me and I slammed her to the wall, pinning both of her legs against it with one of mine. "I ought to kill you right now, Sasha," I growled at her. 

She laughed quietly. "Now, don't you think that's a little extreme?" she choked. The side of her face was pressed hard against the wall. She was having difficulty breathing, much less talking. "It's not like I _raped _him, Leonardo," she taunted. "He wanted it." 

_Stop her! _my subconscience screamed at me. _Stop her _now _before she says something that _really _causes you to lose it!_

"You should've heard it, Leo," she continued. "Then you'd believe me. The way he moaned when he..." 

"Tell me, Sasha," I interrupted her. "What the _fuck _gives you the idea that I'm interested in your sexual escapades, with or without my brother?" 

She managed a slight laugh. "Can you fuck like he can, Leonardo? Make me scream like he does? I could make it worth your while if you just let me turn around..." 

I turned her around... and threw her to the floor. She landed face down, on her hands. In a flash, I had my _katana _again. I turned her with my foot so she was on her back. She fought me, and I ended up using enough force to send her halfway across the room. I held the tip of the _katana _to her throat. "I'll make you scream, Sasha," I whispered harshly. "But it'll only happen once. And you'll never speak again." 

**AMY:**

Andrew stood to his feet and looked from Mike, to Don, and back again. Mike and Donny exchanged glances. I saw a silent conversation pass between them. Mike gave one last, half-interested look in Andrew's direction before picking up the pizza on the coffee table. He said nothing as he headed for the kitchen, leaving me standing between Donny and Andrew. I swallowed hard as nervous tension crept over me. 

"So you're pregnant," Andrew mumbled. His voice had a dangerous edge to it. 

I bit my lip. The answer to his question was pretty obvious. I was _nine months _pregnant, after all. "So whose kid is it?" he shot. "You fuckin' somebody behind my back, and tellin' me no all the time?" 

I hung my head in shame. Andrew knew nothing. I wasn't sure how he could even be considered my boyfriend when I'd never really wanted anything to do with him. I only knew him for a _week_, after all. Sasha had said it would help, but every time I was with him, all I felt was fear. He was pushy, and arrogant, just like my father. And he reminded me of him so much. From day one, he'd pressured me for sex. And from the start, I'd refused him. I knew how it must look, now that I was pregnant. 

"Lay off, Andrew," Donny defended me. My eyes opened in shock. He knew his name? How did he know Andrew's name? 

"Yeah, and what the fuck do you care about this slut?" he demanded. Don tensed noticeably. "Was it _you _she was screwing? Is that why you..." 

"Andrew please," I begged, cutting him off. 

The next few seconds went so fast, I barely had a chance to register what was happening. I felt a stinging pain across the side of my face. I gasped as blood immediately rushed to my cheek. I hardly saw Donny move, but when I looked up, he had Andrews his arm twisted behind his back in a position that looked painful. There was a snap, and Andrew fell, Donny on top of him with one knee in his back. 

"_Not _in my house," he growled low as Andrew cried out in pain. "You do whatever the _hell _you want out in public. But in my house, you watch your fucking mouth and keep your hands to yourself!" 

I gasped. I'd never, in all the time I'd been here, seen Donatello get mad. But he was obviously furious. He jerked away from Andrew just as Sasha came out of the bedroom, screaming. "Fuck you, Leonardo!" 

"Get the _hell _out of my house, bitch!" 

I gasped. I'd never heard words like that come from Leonardo, either. God, what was happening here? 

"Fine!" 

"And don't you _dare _come back!" 

"Oh, don't worry, you won't see me again! You're all just a bunch of fucking...!" 

She saw Andrew on the floor. He was sitting now, cradling a compound fracture. I felt my stomach turn and looked away from the blood. Sasha gasped and glared first at Donatello, then at me. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't say anything to her. The burning skin on my face was too much of a reminder as to why he had ended up on the floor. "What the _fuck _did you do!" She was yelling at Donny and me equally. I cowered, but said nothing. She yanked Andrew to his feet and he cried out as she shoved him toward the entrance. 

Leo stopped her before she reached it and spun her around. "You try anything Sasha," he growled, "and we'll hunt you down. So don't even think about it." 

She jerked out of his grasp, fire in her eyes, and disappeared. 

For a few minutes, it was silent. Then Donny approached me and rested a hand on my shoulder. I recoiled at his touch, and he sighed. "I..." 

He turned away. Leo sat down on the couch and hid his face in his hands. I studied both of them for a moment, not sure what to think. "I'm sorry, Amy," Donny mumbled. "I just... kind of lost it." 

I swallowed hard. In all of the quiet, gentle talks I'd had with Donatello, I'd completely forgotten how lethal he was. I mean, I'd seen him sparring and training with his brothers... but that was different. That wasn't dangerous. He wasn't trying to hurt them. "We both did," Leo admitted. He sighed and leaned back against the couch. His eyes met mine. "Sorry, Amy." 

I shook my head slightly, the shock slowly ebbing away. "It's... it's okay," I choked. "I just.... No, it's okay. I really... I know he doesn't belong here." 

"Is that why you never tried to get ahold of him?" Leonardo questioned. 

I looked away. "That's part of it, yes," I answered. That wasn't the real reason, but that was part of it. 

They didn't pressure me. I swallowed hard again. "I..." I stammered. "I'm gonna go, uh, lay down." 

Donny nodded. I passed Mike on my way to my room. He didn't say a word. 

**ANDREW:**

I spent the night in the hospital, doped up on morphine. The drugs weren't bad. They sure as hell took the pain away. I didn't feel a _damn _thing after that injection. Not physically, anyway. That wasn't counting the fierce anger that was burning in my blood. "They're _fucking _freaks," I mumbled to Sasha. 

She shrugged, inspecting her nails. "I tried to warn you," she replied nonchalantly. "What did you think I meant when I said they weren't human?" 

"Shit, I dunno. That they didn't act human or some shit. Not that they were mutant freaks!" She glanced up at me and smiled. She was amused by this. "You actually _fucked _one of them?" 

She nodded, disinterested once again. "Couplea times. He was good too." 

"Which one?" I questioned, amused that she was telling me this. 

"You didn't see him. He wasn't there." 

"Aw, shit," I smiled. "Woulda liked to've met someone who could fuckin' impress _you _in bed." 

She smiled slyly, but changed the subject. "So what're you gonna do now that you know where they stay?" 

I stared at her, shocked. "Whaddaya mean?" 

"Well, it's pretty obvious that you were _really _interested in me taking you there. Why?" 

"I wasn't interested in them," I assured her. 

"No. You were interested in Amy. Why? You can't tell me you actually _care _where she's at. Did you want to fuck her or kidnap her or what?" 

I grinned evilly. "Both. Though not necessarily in that order." A hardened look crossed his face. "You didn't tell me she was pregnant." 

Sasha shrugged. "You never asked." 

"Whose kid is it?" She didn't answer. "Is it one of those freaks?" 

"So what's the plan now?" she questioned, changing the subject without answering. 

I inspected her carefully, trying to decide if she was trustworthy. "Her father's puttin' out fifty thou for me to tell him where she's at." 

She chuckled quietly. "Shit, that's nice. Wish I'da known 'bout that. 'Cept you better make sure you get the money before he goes. 'Cause they'll fuckin' kill him if he shows up down there. It's not like he can just go and shoot up the place and take her away. They're goddamn _ninjas_." 

I shrugged. "Hey, that's his problem. Not mine." 

She moved to the hospital bed, still in the emergency room, and sat down next to me. "So you gonna share all that money?" she cooed. "You couldn't have found her without me..." 

I smiled and kissed her. 

**DONATELLO:**

I knocked lightly on the door, not sure if she was asleep. If she was, I didn't want to wake her. "Who is it?" 

"It's Donny. You awake?" 

The door cracked open and she peeked out. "I, uh..." I stammered. "Can I come in?" 

She backed away, opening the door further. I followed her into the room. She wrung her hands nervously as I closed the door. "I just wanted to say," I mumbled. "I, uh... I really am sorry I hurt your boyfriend that bad. I didn't really _mean _to... you know..." A nervous laugh escaped my lips. "... break his arm." 

She shook her head and looked away. "Don't worry about it, Donny." 

I studied her for a moment. "It's just that... He has no right to hit you. And _certainly _not here. I couldn't stand by and watch that happen to any woman, much less someone I..." _care so much about? _I caught myself. Accepting the fact that I was attracted to her had been an immensely painful process. I finally had accepted it, and that I couldn't _change _it. But I could keep it under control. I set boundaries, and I'd come nowhere near crossing them in real-life, although my thoughts were a different story. "...am friends with. But I _did _overreact." She said nothing. I smiled at the irony of my words. "Actually, to be perfectly honest, I'm a lot more sorry that I scared you than that I caused him some bodily harm." 

She smiled faintly. "Thanks. I think." 

I couldn't help but laugh. She remained quiet for a moment. "Um," she finally started, looking down and brushing her hair behind her ear. "You already knew about him, didn't you?" 

It wasn't really a question. "Yeah, I did." 

She turned and walked to the edge of the bed, where she sat down carefully. "You never said anything." 

"It was none of my business." 

Her eyes met mine. "Why?" 

I sat down next to her, a little confused. "Why, what?" 

"Why is...?" She looked away again. "Nevermind." 

I reached up and brushed her hair back, over her shoulder, so I could see her face. "Hey, Amy?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Why _didn't _you ever call him?" 

She was silent for a moment. "I was told that's against the rules." 

I laughed quietly. "Geez, Amy, I never met anyone who takes the rules _that _seriously," I chuckled. She stared at me in confusion. "You could've _called _him. You just weren't supposed to bring him down here. You could've let him know you were alive." 

She looked away. "It wasn't really something I was concerned about," she sighed. "And I doubt he was. He just... he was real jealous from the start. That's the only reason he cares." 

I rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. She leaned into me slightly, the movement barely noticeable. I massaged a little harder and she sighed, hanging her head. "He was... all about sex," she explained quietly. "And he got mad, because I wouldn't... I wasn't interested in that." 

"Why'd you stay with him, then?" 

She shrugged. "I was only with him for a week before all that stuff with my father happened. Sasha was the one who hooked us up. She thought it might help me get over... you know." 

"Yeah," I whispered, looking away. "I know." 

"It didn't," she continued. "Of course, it wasn't exclusive. He was sleeping around. I think it was more that he was doing Sasha a favor than that he was really interested in me." 

I glanced back at her, hanging my hands between my knees. "Why do you let anyone treat you like that, Amy?" I questioned. "You're worth so much more than that. You deserve more." 

Our eyes met and she forced a smile. "Yeah," she breathed. "Except you're the only person in my whole life who's ever believed that." 

I cringed inwardly at the cold truth of her words. "I'm so sorry, Amy." 

She shook her head and looked away. "It's not your problem." 

"Yes, it is." 

"Why?" 

"Because I..." _love you_. I choked. The words didn't form. I didn't let them. _Jesus, Donny, knock it off! She's _fourteen _years old! She's a _child! A child having a child. Right. I kept forgetting. I looked away from her, unable to stand her pained expression. "I care about you, Amy," I mumbled. "And I don't want to see you get hurt. And if you keep treating _yourself _like that, other people are going to take it as an invitation to treat you that way." 

There was a long silence. I sighed. "Hey, Amy?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You ever look up what _your _name means?" She was silent. "You looked up Salome, did you ever think to look up yours?" 

I glanced over at her and saw her staring at me blankly. "No." 

I smiled sadly as I stood up. "You should do it some time." 

I leaned over her and kissed the top of her head. Then I left her to ponder my words. 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

Hours passed. Nothing changed. There was a deathly silence in the lair. Raph didn't come home. Kat didn't come out of her room. After talking to Amy, Donatello retreated and hadn't been seen since. And Leo was pacing back and forth in the living room. 

"You okay?" I asked, concerned. 

He glanced at me and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." 

He wasn't fine. 

I glanced at the clock. "It's almost ten. You wanna go up to the streets?" 

He considered that. Then he nodded. 

For a long time, he said nothing. I wasn't surprised. But the silence was making me nervous. "You think they'll come back?" 

Leo stared at the ground passing under our feet. "I don't know. It's possible." 

I shuddered at the thought. Not that we couldn't _handle _an intrusion. But we all knew the dangers we'd face if certain people found out where we stayed. Hell, _anyone _who knew was a threat. Even April could be manipulated or, god-forbid, tortured into revealing that information to our enemies. 

"Think they'll tell anyone?" 

We walked a few steps, and Leo looked up. "You want an honest answer?" 

I knew what that meant, and I sighed. "So what do we do?" 

He shook his head and turned his gaze to the sky. "There's not a whole lot we _can _do," he mumbled. "Except stay on our guard until something happens. And try not to let Amy panic about it, because I'm sure she's probably thinking the same thing." 

We were quiet for a moment. I glanced at my brother. "Leo?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You really freaked out today. I don't think I've ever seen you get like that." 

He kept his eyes down. "Yeah." 

"Are you okay?" 

He sighed deeply. "Yeah, Mikey, I'm alright. I've just... I'm kind of a mess right now. She just put me over the edge and..." 

He stopped. "You and Donny, both," I mumbled, looking away. "I know why Donny freaked out. Why did you?" 

He shook his head and sighed again. "It's not something I can talk about, Mike." 

"Is it Raph?" 

"Raph, Kat, Amy... hell, it's everything. There's just a lot of stress and I've been trying to avoid it rather than deal with it." He glanced up at me. "I hate feeling like this, Mike." 

"Like what?" 

"Angry. And just... stressed." 

I was shocked. It was very unlike Leonardo to be angry _or _stressed. Especially as a condition, rather than a temporary emotion. "Why are you angry?" 

He breathed deep. "I'm pissed off at Raph, and at Sasha and whoever the hell that was that she brought down with her. And I'm trying not to let it affect me, but I don't think it's working. And on top of it all, I don't think I've really slept in the past two weeks because I'm worried about Amy." 

"What about Amy?" 

He shook his head and stared down at the ground. "I'm worried that when she has this baby, it's just gonna cause problems. I mean, not for us or anything. I just think she'll _see _it as a problem. And I'm scared to think of what she'll do to get away. She's only fourteen, Mike." 

The words were somewhat reassuring. At least he wasn't saying what I had expected him to say. In all honesty, I was a little concerned about Amy, too. But in a different way. "Hey Leo?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Not that it's really... any of my business or anything but..." I glanced at him. "Do you think there's anything going on between her and Don?" 

He was quiet for a moment. "I mean," I continued, "it's just that... I'm worried about them. If..." I sighed. He had to know what I meant, without me trying to explain it. "I just don't want this to all blow up, Leo." 

"Yeah, I know. But I don't think it's anything more than a strong friendship. And if it is..." We locked stares. "We're just going to have to trust his judgement." 

A shadow in an alley caught my attention. I'm not sure exactly why. There were plenty of homeless people who frequented the alleys in New York City. But this one was different. It felt different. To that sixth sense buried somewhere inside of me, it felt... wrong. "Leo," I directed, nodding toward the two faintly outlined features. 

He stopped and studied them, burying his hands deeper in the pockets of his trenchcoat. One of the figures raised the lid of a garbage dumpster, the other dropped something in. "I don't like that," I mumbled. 

"No," Leo whispered back. "Neither do I." 

We let the couple leave and walked into the alley. Leo looked around for danger while I lifted the heavy lid. In the dim light, I caught a glimpse of their deposit. I felt my stomach turn and for a moment, I thought I was going to be sick. "Oh, God, Leo." 

"What? What is it?" 

"It... _was_... a baby." 

I backed away, hanging my head. Leo looked into the dumpster and back at the teenage couple that we could now assume were the parents. They were walking away, hand in hand. Laughing. Leo's head lowered a fraction, like an angry dog preparing to attack. The look on his face turned to cold fury. 

I felt a chill run down my spine. For the first time in my life, I was _seriously _intimidated by my brother. I didn't need a reminder about how dangerous he was. Leo could kick my ass, and I was no amateur. But he was always controlled. He normally didn't get angry. Raphael, sure. But not Leonardo. He'd start to get angry, then go off and meditate for a few hours and come back refreshed and totally controlled. I'd had a hard time _believing _him when he said felt out of control. But now I could see it in his eyes, and it scared me. 

"Uh, Leo?" 

"Come on," he growled. 

He was gone when I reached into the garbage and retrieved a bloody, lifeless bundle. It had just been born. God only knows how they'd killed it. But it was definitely dead. I wrapped it carefully, trying to avoid the blood, and hid it inside my jacket. 

I think I half expected Leo to set up an ambush and beat the couple senseless before they knew what hit them. I hoped he wouldn't do that, though. We watched their path and ran ahead of them, hiding in the shadows of a dark alley. I set the child on the ground and Leo and I exchanged glances, a silent agreement passing between us. I nodded and pulled one of the nunchucks from my belt, shrugging off the jacket in the process. In the darkness, disguises made no difference. I held one handle in each of my hands, the chain between them tight, and positioned myself next to Leo. 

The couple was unsuspecting as they passed us by. Lightning quick, Leo and I lashed out at the same time. He caught the woman around the waist and mouth. That was safe. She wasn't likely to struggle hard enough to break away from him. I didn't take the risk with the man. I caught him around the neck with the chain on the weapon and yanked him back into the shadows. He choked and gagged, but didn't manage much more as I stepped aside and "guided" him to the ground. He fell flat on his back, grasping at the air in attempt to keep himself upright. 

The woman fell on his chest. She didn't even have a chance to look up before he'd pushed her away, scrambling to get to his feet. "Jesus Christ! What the fuck are you!" 

A knife flashed as he lunged at me. I saw red and blue strobe the alley walls. Crap. There must have been cops nearby. I diverted the knife effortlessly and hooked the man's legs out from under him he crashed again to the ground with Leo's _katana _at his throat. The man swallowed hard, and didn't move. Leo stepped back, retracting his weapon. The man was paralyzed with fear, the gut reaction to fight brought to an abrupt stop. Leo turned. The woman huddled against the wall. She screamed as he approached, and I noticed that at some point (I had missed it) Leo had picked up the bloody newborn. 

I stared, noting the fire in my brothers gaze. "Here," he growled low. "It's a little boy." 

The woman screamed again as he laid the child on her chest, but she'd backed herself into a corner, and the only way out was toward Leonardo. She didn't move. I heard footsteps, warning of how close the police were, and afforded one more quick glance at the scene before disappearing quickly and silently into the shadows. 

**AMY:**

A-M-Y 

I hit enter and waited. 

**AMY **(f) _English_   
"beloved" from Old French _aimée_

I stared at the screen blankly. Beloved. I never knew that. I'd never thought to look up the meaning of my name. I read over the words again, and hit the back button on the browser. The pale purple screen stared back at me. _Behind the Name- the etymology and history of first names..._

I looked once again at the box where my name was still typed out. I rested my hand on the mouse, and highlighted it. Then I returned my fingers to the keyboard. 

D-O-N-A-T-E-L-L-O... _Enter._

**DONATELLO** m _Italian_   
Pet form of DONATO. The Renaissance sculptor Donato di   
Niccolo di Bette Bardi was better known as Donatello.

I studied the words, a little surprised that they were even in this database. Donato. It was highlighted as a link to another page, and I clicked it. 

**DONATO **m _Italian, Spanish, Portuguese_   
From the Late Latin name _Donatus _meaning "given". Several   
early saints had this name. The name was also borne by two   
Renaissance masters: the sculptor Donato di Niccolo di Bette   
Bardi (also known as Donatello), and the architect   
Donato Bramante.

Given. And the name of several early saints. Tears blurred my vision as I stared at the screen. I leaned forward as far as my stomach would allow and buried my face in my hands as the hot tears overflowed. "Amy?" 

I jumped, startled, and spun around. Donny was standing a few feet away. "You scared me," I cried. 

He took a step forward and rested a hand on my shoulder as he studied the screen for a moment. "You look up yours?" he asked. 

"Yes," I whispered. 

"What do you think?" 

"I think my parents named me wrong." 

He laughed quietly. I turned back to face the computer and he rested both of his hands on my shoulders, rubbing gently. "You should be in bed," he informed me. 

"I know," I sighed. "But I can't sleep." 

"Why not?" 

"My whole body aches," I told him, trying not to sound like I was complaining. "And I'm having those damn cramps again." 

He rubbed a little harder at the tensed muscles in my neck and shoulders. "Well, you've only got a few more weeks," he reminded me. "Down to three now, aren't you?" 

I nodded slightly, fear creeping over me as I considered that. He must have sensed my uneasiness. "What's wrong?" 

I shook my head and looked away. "It's just... I don't know." I sighed, glancing up at him. "I'm scared." 

He squeezed my arms. "Don't be. You'll do fine." 

"No, Donny, it's not really that," I sighed. He looked confused, and I watched him turn to lean back on the desk next to me. "You know how we talked about me going to April's? Before the due date?" 

"That's the safest way to do it," he reminded me. "Seeing as I don't think you're gonna feel much like climbing a ladder and taking a three mile hike through the sewers when you're in labor." 

"I know," I whispered quietly, staring down at the floor. 

There was a moment of silence. "So what's the problem?" 

I glanced up. "It's so stupid for me to feel like this," I muttered. "I mean, I haven't heard anything from him in months, right?" 

Suddenly, he understood. He brushed his fingers along the side of my face. "It's okay, Amy," he assured. "It's not stupid." 

Tears came to my eyes and I looked away. It seemed like I was always crying lately, and I hated it. "I just... I know he's not likely to try anything even if he _knew_... I mean, where I am and everything. And really what could he do?" 

I was crying openly, and Donny sighed. He stepped away from the desk and pulled my head to his plastron. I felt his arms circle my shoulders and he held me to him. I cried for a few minutes, comforted as I rested against him. "I'm sorry," I finally sniffed, wiping my eyes. My abdomen clamped and I cringed. It was more of a discomfort than a pain, really. But I was sick of it. 

"S'alright," he assured me. "I don't mind." 

I smiled as I pulled away from him. "You know, you're getting pretty good at that." 

"What?" 

"Lying." 

He laughed. "I'm not lying," he grinned. "I really don't mind. I'm getting kind of used to it." 

That sounded like an insult, but the smile on his face let me know he wasn't trying to offend me. I shifted position, trying to take the pressure off of my lower back. "Maybe if I cry long enough, I'll tire myself out enough to be able to sleep," I suggested, a pathetic attempt at optimism. 

He considered that for a moment. "Why don't you take some sleeping pills?" 

"I've never tried any kind of sleep aid," I informed him. 

He smiled. "Good. Then they'll knock you right out." 

I eyed him carefully. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to take anything that could hurt the baby..." 

"You should be alright," he promised. "Hang on a sec." He walked back to his room and returned with two pills. "Here," he offered. "These'll put you right to sleep, I guarantee it." 

I took the tablets carefully and he helped me to my feet. "Go get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" 

I nodded slightly and hugged him before I left the room. 

It took me about a total of three minutes to fall asleep. 

***

A stab of excruciating pain woke me up in an instant. My eyes flew open and I nearly screamed as I tried to sit up, but failed. The pain was too much. I fell back on the bed, gasping for air. Something was terribly wrong. The bed was soaked, and the pain in my abdomen took my breath away. I tried to lie still, hoping that would ease the pain, since moving made it worse. Nothing helped. _Oh God! Help!_

Finally, I found my voice. "Help me!" I screamed frantically into the darkness. "Please! Help!" 


	14. Labor Pains

**Labor Pains**

**LEONARDO:**

I was on my feet in a fraction of a second, reflexes guiding me before I even knew what I was doing. I suppose it was reflexes, too, that I threw the door open with my _katanas _in hand. I dropped them quickly as I saw her, gasping for breath on the bed. She was crying and gripping the blankets tightly. She panted for a moment, and moaned. 

Mike pushed past me and dropped to his knees at the side of the bed. Amy raised herself, leaning back on her elbows. The look on her face was frantic. "Something's wrong," she gasped, closing her eyes. "God, it hurts!" 

I was still too stunned to move. Mike grabbed her hand and she fell back on the bed, sobbing. Finally, I snapped out of it. Donny. I turned and sprinted from the room. 

**DONATELLO:**

A frantic pounding on my door woke me up out of a deep sleep. I groaned, glancing at the clock. It was five in the morning. What did he want? I didn't usually get up for another hour, at least. The knocking didn't stop and the doorknob rattled as someone tried to get through the locked door. "Donny, come on!" 

Leo's voice. He wasn't frantic, persé. But he was plenty insistent. "Yeah, yeah, hang on," I moaned. The pounding stopped and I dragged my tired, sore body out of bed. I unlocked the door and cracked it open. "You have any idea what time it is, bro?" 

"There's something wrong with Amy," he informed me, a nervous look on his face. "I think she's going into labor." 

Three weeks early? It was probably a false alarm. I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Better to be safe than sorry, I guess. I opened the door further and stretched. "Alright. Give April a call. Tell her to head down here. We'll probably meet her halfway." 

He nodded and turned away. I reached my arms above my head and yawned again, glancing longingly at my bed. I didn't feel much like doing this right now. I stepped out of my room and closed the door behind me. Then, suddenly, a loud and inhuman-sounding moan made every muscle in my body tense. I quickened my pace toward the room where Amy was supposed to be sleeping. When I got there, I nearly tripped over the twin _katanas _on the floor. _Nice, Leo, _I thought quickly. _Thanks a lot._

Amy panted for a few seconds and moaned again. The moan turned into sobs. Tears were streaming down her face and she held Mike's hand tightly. He shot me a panicked look. "What's going on?" I asked, a little concerned by the scene before me. Maybe she really _was _going into labor. 

Her eyes flew open at the sound of my voice. "Donny!" she cried. "Donny, help me! What's happening?" 

She was hyperventilating. I approached her and Mike stepped aside. "Amy, relax," I instructed her. "Just calm down." 

She squeezed her eyes closed and whimpered. "How long has she been like this?" I asked Mike. 

He shook his head, stumbling over his words. "I dunno. Leo and I heard her just about 5 minutes ago but I have no idea how long..." 

"No, the contraction," I directed. "How long has it lasted?" 

A worried look crossed his face. "I didn't think to time it," he admitted. 

"More than thirty seconds?" 

He nodded. "Oh yeah. And this is the second time in five minutes." 

I _felt _my eyes get wide. Did she just _skip _her early labor period? Maybe she slept through it. How could she _sleep _through that? I remembered the sleeping pills. Damn! I had no idea they'd be _that _effective! 

The bed was wet. Her water had broke. She was definitely in labor. She relaxed for a moment, tears still streaming down her face. I knelt next to her and brushed the hair off her forehead. She was drenched in sweat. "Hey, Amy, look at me," I called quietly. She stared at me with panic-stricken eyes. "Just try and relax, okay?" I advised calmly. 

"It's too soon!" she gasped. "Three weeks premature..." 

"It's alright," I assured her. "Leo's calling April and we're gonna get you to the hospital." 

"No," she moaned. "Donny... I can't make it!" 

"Yes, you can." 

She reached up and gripped my shoulders so hard it was painful. She gasped again and moaned, her fingernails digging into my skin and drawing blood. Reflexively, I started counting seconds in my head. Thirty. Forty-five. Sixty. I was at eighty-two before her grip loosened and she fell back on the bed, gasping. It was no more than two minutes after her previous contraction. 

The intense look in her eyes spoke volumes and at that moment, I knew. I guess somewhere inside of me, I'd known from the moment I saw her. That had to be true because I wasn't surprised at all, and I knew I should be. There was another word for it, but not surprised. It was fear that was flooding through me. 

Leo walked back into the room. He said something, but I didn't understand a word. "Oh, god." 

I didn't realize I'd spoken out loud until I felt eyes on me. Amy took a few deep breaths. "Donny..." she moaned. "Help me." 

I pulled away, not sure I could breathe. "What's wrong?" Mike asked. 

I stared at him for a moment, my voice lost. "She's..." 

I couldn't finish. Panic was not an emotion I was familiar with, but there was no other word to describe the feeling that swept over me. Shocked and confused, and afraid of what I knew, I backed up and walked straight out of the room. 

**LEONARDO:**

He was pacing back and forth in the living room, his hands covering his mouth. "Donny," I confronted, glancing over my shoulder at the open door to the room he'd just left. He didn't look. He was walking quickly, staring down at the floor and oblivious to the world around him. 

I approached him and grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around to face me. "Donny!" I snapped. "What's wrong?" 

He made eye contact and took a deep breath. "She's in the transition stage of her labor," he informed me. 

"That means _what_, exactly?" 

"That she's going to have that baby in the next hour. _If _we're lucky. More likely, she's got... twenty to thirty minutes. Hell, I don't know!" 

He jerked away and continued pacing. I stared at him, shocked. "How the hell did she _sleep _through two stages of child labor?" he cried. "I mean, I knew it would be effective but that's just..." 

"Is there any chance at all that she'll make it to the hospital?" I interrupted. 

"No," he answered, not stopping or looking up. "I mean, _maybe _if we could just get in a car and drive her there. But not we should've taken her to April's a week ago and he wouldn't have." 

I stared at him for a moment, trying to make sense of his last sentence. I shook it off. It didn't matter. Nothing else mattered right now, beside that girl in the other room. If she wasn't going to make it to the hospital, there was only one choice. I closed my eyes and gathered my thoughts quickly. "You can do it," I reminded him. 

He stopped then, and spun to me. "Deliver a _baby_, Leo?" he cried. "Are you out of your mind? And three weeks premature? There's a million things that could...!" 

"What's wrong?" 

The voice made us both turn. Kat stepped out of her room and joined us. "Amy's having her baby," I explained. "Here. We can't get her to the hospital." 

Kat's eyes widened. "Is she okay?" 

"She panicked," I mumbled. 

Kat's gaze fell to Donny. "And so are you, from the looks of it." 

She glanced at the room where Amy was resting. "Is she in there alone?" 

"Mikey's with her." 

She turned to Donny. "Donatello?" 

"No," Donny laughed nervously. "No. I know what you're thinking and I..." 

"You prepared for this, remember?" Kat reminded him, calmly. 

"No, you don't understand," he protested. "This is a high-risk delivery in a _hospital _setting. She's fourteen years old and three weeks premature. There's so many things that can go wrong..." 

"What choice do we have, Donny?" I reminded him. 

"I..." he stammered, glancing back toward the room where Amy was moaning. He turned away. "Oh, god." 

Kat turned and walked into the room with Amy and Mike. Donny was pacing again. And once again, I stopped him. He froze and his eyes met mine. There was a long moment of silence. He wasn't even trying to mask the frantic, worried look in his eyes. _Don't panic, Donny, _I pleaded silently with him. _She needs you to keep your head on straight. _

_Leo, I can't do this... _

_You can, _I assured him. _I know you can. I have faith in you._

He stared at me, his gaze unwavering. _You have more faith in me than I have in myself..._

"Yes," I whispered, bringing the silent conversation into an audible realm. "And I _know _you can do it." 

He closed his eyes and breathed deep. I could feel the tension radiate from him as he struggled to get it under control. Finally, he nodded slightly. 

"Okay," he whispered. "Alright. I'll do what I can." 

His eyes opened slowly and he stared at the floor between us. Suddenly, I felt his whole demeanor change as he regained control of his thoughts and emotions. "Get the first aid kit," he ordered calmly. "And boil a pot of water." 

I turned away from him and headed for the kitchen. 

**DONATELLO:**

I washed my hands up to my elbows, and returned to the room. Amy was panicking. Mike was trying desperately to talk to her, but it wasn't helping. Kat was perched on the edge of the bed, stroking her hair. He looked up as I entered the room. "Mikey, I want you to go get a sock," I directed. "Fill it with dry rice and put it in the microwave for a minute or so. Get me cool rags and water. And a bath towel." 

He darted out of the room. Amy's eyes flashed to me. "Donny!" she gasped. "Donny, what's happening! This can't be happening yet!" 

I knelt next to the bed and took her hand. Kat pulled back, and watched me carefully. Amy gripped my hand hard. "Amy, I want you to listen to me," I whispered, using my other hand to brush her hair out of her eyes. 

"Help me!" 

I rested my hand on her forehead. She was hot and sweaty. "Listen, Amy," I comforted. "Just listen to me." 

She stopped and closed her eyes, breathing hard. "Are you listening?" I asked. 

She nodded quickly, and pressed her lips together tightly. "You're going to have the baby soon. I'm going to help you deliver her, okay?" 

She whimpered slightly, but nodded again without speaking. "I just want you to relax," I told her. "Everything's going to be just fine. What you're feeling is normal." 

Suddenly, she cringed. Her mouth opened as if she wanted to scream, but couldn't. She arched her back against the pain and let out an inhuman cry, gripping my hand more tightly than I would've thought she could. I stroked her hair and waited for it to pass. She was close. We didn't have much time. That scared me. But I wasn't about to let her see that. 

Her muscles relaxed and the death grip on my hand loosened. "You okay?" I whispered. 

She gasped for a few seconds before opening her eyes to look at me. "I think so," she breathed, cringing again. "Donny... I can feel her moving down." 

"Okay," I nodded. "That's okay. That's normal." 

I pulled my hand away. Better to do this now, between contractions. I moved down her body and untied the band around her stomach. Then I eased the shorts over her hips and down her legs, as carefully as possible. I pulled the blanket around her for the sake of modesty, but I knew it was a lost cause. Still, I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. 

Michaelangelo returned. Where was Leo? I sat on the edge of the bed and looked down on Amy. "You're gonna want to sit up a little," I told her. "It'll be easier. Hold onto me." 

She gripped my shoulders and Kat and I helped her to sit up. She cried out through closed lips. "Mike, you got that sock?" 

He placed it in my outstretched hand and I laid it on the pillows so that it would rest against the small of her back. She breathed hard as she settled back against the headboard. "How's that feel?" I asked. 

She nodded, eyes closed, but said nothing. Leo came into the room. "Sorry," he apologized. "It took me a while to find the first aid kit." 

"S'okay," I answered as he set it on the bed next to me. I rummaged through it and suddenly remembered something else I needed. It was in my room. I glanced at Amy. She'd be alright for the ten seconds it took me to run in there. "I'll be _right _back, okay?" 

She tried to sit straight up and grab at me, but collapsed again, crying out in pain. "No, Donny, please!" she gasped. "Please don't leave me!" 

I stared at her, not sure what to do. "I'll get it," Mike offered. I turned to him. "What do you need?" 

I sighed and focused my thoughts. It was harder than it had ever been. "In my room, there's a metal cabinet to the right of the door. It's black. Inside, on the top shelf, there's a clear plastic box. Just bring me the whole thing." 

He nodded and darted out of the room. I turned my attention back to Amy and took her hand, stroking it gently. She opened her eyes and stared at me. I forced a smile and raised her hand to my lips, kissing the back of it. "You're doing great." 

She smiled faintly, and the panicked drained slowly from her eyes. I glanced over my shoulder as Mike ran back into the room. "Donny?" Amy whispered weakly. 

I looked at her, granting her my undivided attention. "Yeah?" 

"I'm scared." 

I smiled reassuringly and brushed my fingers over the side of her face. "It'll be okay," I promised. "Trust me." 

Her hand was still in mine, and I opened the box with my free hand. "I'm gonna start an IV, okay?" I told her. 

A worried look crossed her face. "Why?" 

"Just a precaution. I'm pretty good at it, so it shouldn't hurt much." 

Just then, she tensed. Her eyes squeezed shut and she took in a sharp breath. I began to sort through the sterile contents of the box. I tied the band around her arm and sterilized the patch of skin on the back of her hand, waiting for the veins to show. She had large veins, thank god. I didn't want to have to stick her more than once. She moaned loudly and panted for a few seconds as I set up the IV. I don't think she even felt the injection, in the midst of the other pain. 

I pulled the needle back, leaving the tiny, flexible tube under her skin. Then I hooked the device to the line that ran to the sealed bag of water and rummaged through the box again, not finding what I was looking for. "Damn," I mumbled under my breath. 

"What?" Mike asked. "What do you need?" 

Amy relaxed again, moaning softly. Just then, the box fell on the floor, spilling medical supplies at Mike's feet. He jumped back, startled. "Surgical tape," I mumbled, flustered by the uncooperative events. 

"Donny?" Amy whispered. 

"Hang on a sec," I directed, thinking a million things at once. Did I not have any tape? It should've been in that box. 

"Don't move your hand okay?" I directed Amy. She moaned and nodded. Kat took hold of her wrist to hold her hand steady. I heard her whisper something to Amy, but wasn't paying close enough attention to understand it. I leaned off the side of the bed, searching through the supplies. 

"What's surgical tape?" Mike asked. 

"It's the white, fabricky-looking..." I muttered, distracted. 

Michaelangelo laughed out loud. I looked up, not sure what was funny. Then I realized what I'd said. Even Amy was smiling at my choice of words. "Should I get you a dictionary, Donny?" Mike teased. 

A faint smile tugged at my lips. Comic relief. "No, Mikey," I assured him. "But you could get me some tape." 

The laughter faded quickly. But it had accomplished its purpose. The atmosphere was a little bit lighter. "Okay. Where?" 

"Check in that cabinet again. If there's no white tape in there, just find me masking tape, okay?" 

He nodded and disappeared. 

**AMY:**

The urge to push came so fast it was shocking. I didn't expect it. The movies always made it seem like it hurt so much to push that it was a great effort to do it. I never expected my body to _want _to force the baby out. 

I gasped as pain shot through me and felt the baby drop down, under the pubic bone. "Donny!" I cried. "It's...!" 

He was still taping the IV to the back of my hand. In a heartbeat, he forgot about that and settled between my legs, his hand resting lightly on my stomach. My muscles spasmed painfully and I gasped breaths of cool air. "Oh, God, Amy, _don't _push!" he suddenly cried. 

_Don't _push? Was he _insane_? My body screamed at me and I tensed. I heard his voice from somewhere... it sounded like another planet. "Leo, did you... knife and... bathroom... lidocane..." 

And I knew what he was going to do. Fear shot through me. "No!" I cried. 

He turned to me. "Amy..." 

"No!" I gasped again, my chest heaving as I battled the never-ending pain. "No episiotomy!" 

He took the hand that wasn't attached to the IV. "Amy, please trust me," he whispered. 

"No!" I growled, clenching my teeth through the pain. "You can't!" 

The pain drowned out his next few words. "Amy... tear unless... please..." 

But I was not budging. "No!" I screamed at him, releasing the pain. I couldn't hold back anymore and I tensed as I tried to force the baby out of me. 

"No, no, Amy, please," he tried to stop me, almost frantically. I wasn't stopping. 

A ring of fire sent pain surging through every nerve in my body and I made a sound that I was surprised could come from a human. "It's okay, Amy... You're doing good..." A whisper, from nearby. A gentle, human hand brushed my forehead. A cool rag on my skin eased the heat, but not the pain. 

I screamed. I felt my flesh tear and searched for some release from the pain, but there was no place I could turn and nothing else I could do to relieve it. "Good, Amy..." the whispered voice. Kat. 

The urge to push died and I cried out in agony, sobbing. I could hardly hear the voices in the room. The only one that made any sense to me was the quiet whisper. "It's going to be okay... Just relax, okay? Relax for a minute." 

The pain surged again, though strangely not as intense as it had been a moment ago. I pushed again, gripping the bedsheets with white knuckles. _Oh, God! _"That's good, Amy... You're doing wonderfully." 

A hand moved over mine, slipping underneath my fingers. Another voice, calm and steady. "Push, Amy." Donny. "One more time. It's almost over." 

I gripped his hand, sucked in as much air as I could, and pushed again. 

And I heard a cry. 

**DONATELLO:**

"Leo, you got that clamp?" 

"Yeah." 

I clamped off the umbilical cord, and cut it. I was covered in blood, as was the baby, and she was still bleeding. She was going to need a few stitches. Damn it, I _really _wished she'd just trusted me. She was breathing heavily, eyes closed. I turned to Mike. "Got that towel?" 

He produced it in a flash and took the crying baby from my arms. "Go wash her. Lukewarm water, be careful." 

He and Kat both left and I turned my attention back to Amy. She moaned softly. "Amy?" 

"It still..." she gasped. "Why...?" 

She moaned and tensed, but I could tell that the pain was nothing like what she'd just been through. "It's alright," I assured her. "It's normal. You still have to deliver the placenta." 

"No..." she moaned. 

"It's okay," I assured her. "This part should be easy." 

I looked down at my arms, and the blood that covered the bed. A slight sound from right behind me suggested a presence, and I turned to see Leonardo standing over me. He rested one hand on my shoulder and with the other, handed me a damp towel. I took it gratefully and wiped some of the blood off of my hands and arms. I tried to clean the blood on the bed, but it was pointless. There was no chance of that. 

I wasn't even paying attention when she delivered the placenta. Kat returned with the baby and placed it on her chest. Leo and I exchanged glances and I nodded toward the pile of rags Mike had brought earlier. 

Cleaning the blood wasn't the hard part. The hard thing was the stitches. She needed almost a dozen, and I knew it hurt. And there was nothing I could do to ease the pain. She'd lost a lot of blood, and I couldn't take the time to go hunting for some kind of numbing agent. It wasn't a good idea to put anything on an open wound, anyway. She did well, and remained remarkably silent. 

Finally, I stepped back. I was still covered in blood, in spite of the towel. Cleaning myself hadn't been my primary concern. "You think the three of you can handle changing the sheets?" I mumbled to my brothers and Kat. 

They both looked back at me, and nodded. I nodded toward the large chair in the corner of the room. "Help her over there, _very _carefully. Change the sheets. Put a towel down if the mattress is damaged, which it probably will be. And get her a new blanket. I need to go wash up." 

**LEONARDO:**

Donatello was gone for a half-hour. Finally, I went in search of him. I knocked lightly on the bathroom door. He didn't answer and I cracked it open. He was leaning forward against the sink, his weight on his hands. "You alright?" I asked. 

He breathed deep. "I can't stop shaking," he mumbled. 

"It's the adrenaline," I told him. 

"I know." 

I slipped silently into the room and leaned back against the sink, about a foot away from him. "She's asking for you." He didn't respond. I rested a hand on his shoulder. "You did really good, Donny." 

He really _was _shaking. I could feel his muscles twitch on their own accord. "I still can't believe..." he whispered. 

"I know," I smiled. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still in shock." 

His eyes closed and there was a moment of silence. "Leo?" 

"Yeah?" 

He paused for a minute. "She's only fourteen." 

I considered his words. The reality of the situation hit me all over again. A child. "Yeah, I know," I answered solemnly. 

"It's not right." 

No. It wasn't right. It was as if her childhood had been cut short. Now, years younger than we were, she was forced to conform to the mold of an adult. 

Donny hung his head and took in a slow, deep breath. "God, Leo, I..." 

I studied him carefully. He never finished. I saw tears brim his eyes. "She's still a child," he choked. 

I closed my eyes, and sighed. "You can't think of it that way, Donny," I mumbled, letting my hand drop. "You need to be happy for her. She needs that. From you more than anyone." 

"Why?" he mumbled. "Why does it matter? There's nothing I can do." 

"Because she trusts you. And she needs your support. This isn't going to be easy for her, you know? Support her in whatever decisions she makes." 

He breathed deep and nodded slowly. "I know. I just..." 

Again, he didn't finish. I rested my hand on his for a moment before leaving the room. 

**DONATELLO:**

The room was dark, the only light coming from an oil lamp on the bedside table. I knocked gently before pushing the door open wide enough to walk through. "Amy?" I called quietly. 

"Donny?" 

"Yeah." 

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. "Come here," she invited. "You gotta see this." 

I approached her slowly and laid down next to her, on my side. The tiny figure on her chest was asleep. For the first time, I caught a glimpse of the new life. I couldn't help but smile. "Wow," I whispered. 

"Yeah," Amy laughed quietly. 

I ran my finger down the fragile arm. My finger was almost as long as her entire forearm. "She's so tiny..." 

"Yes." 

She had no hair, and her eyes were closed. She was wrapped in a towel that made her seem even smaller. "She's beautiful," I breathed. I looked to Amy and saw her smiling broadly. Our eyes met and I smiled back at her. 

"Salome?" I questioned. 

"Yes," she smiled. "Salome Marie." 

I nodded. "That's pretty." 

We stared at each other for a moment. I felt my chest tighten as I considered telling her everything. Right here and now, just spilling my heart out to her. _No, Donny, that's not a good idea. _

"I'm so tired," she sighed. 

I nodded slightly. I had no trouble believing that. "You want me to take her?" I asked. "So you can rest? I'll make a bed for her here in the room if you want." 

She smiled faintly. "That'd be great." 

I stood and left for my room. I returned with a medium sized box. I lined it with blankets and set it next to the bed. Then I carefully took the child. God, she weighed _nothing_! I set her in the box within view of her mother, and returned to Amy's side. She welcomed me with a smile and I placed my arm across her stomach, carefully holding her. "You did great, Amy," I whispered, pulling close to her. 

"Mmm," she acknowledged. For a long time, it was silent. I rested my head against her shoulder, and felt a comfortable sleep beckon me. 

"Donny?" 

"Hmm?" 

"I feel weird." 

I laughed quietly. "You just got your body back after nine months of sharing it with someone else," I reminded her. "That ought to feel a little strange." 

Her laugh was quiet and gentle. "Yeah. It's not just... physical though." I didn't answer. "I... I'm feeling so many different things right now," she laughed. "My emotions are just... off the charts." 

I grinned. "I think that's normal." 

"You think?" she chuckled. 

"Yeah." I brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I think." 

Something deep inside of me ached. So close to her, it was all I could do to not kiss her. I wanted to. _So _badly. God, why? And why didn't I? _Because she's a _child, _Don, remember? She's only _fourteen_! Ever hear of statutory rape? _I cringed, biting back the pain. So wrong... 

"Donny?" 

Her calm, quiet voice broke through my thoughts. "Yeah?" I choked. 

"You know... I don't regret it but..." 

Her voice trailed off. I brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Regret what?" 

"My decision," she whispered. "To keep Salome." 

"Oh," I sighed, resting next to her again. 

"And I..." She turned to the box and the tiny figure inside of it. "Just looking at her now... she's so tiny. So beautiful. God, I... I could never give her up. Not for the world. But at the same time, I..." 

Again, she didn't finish. I pulled close to her. "What, Amy?" 

She sighed. "Well, I just..." She turned and looked at me. "I wonder if this is how the Virgin Mary felt. When she had Jesus." I watched her carefully, waiting for an explanation. "To bring to life the _product _of love and to never experience..." 

I heard the pain in her voice, and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, Amy," I whispered. 

She forced a smile and raised her hand to the side of my face. "No, it's not your fault. I'm just saying." 

I stared at her for a moment, painful desire raging through me, and had to look away. _You need to stop thinking like this, Donny, it's not right. _Her hand fell, and it was quiet for a moment. 

"Don?" 

I looked back at her again, a little more controlled now. "Hmm?" 

"Thank you. For everything. I couldn't have done it without you." 

I smiled at her. "Your welcome." 

She sighed, and a look of sadness crossed her face. "It still hurts," she mumbled. 

"Yeah, it'll hurt for a while," I mumbled. "I don't have anything more powerful than Tylenol right now, though. It's the stitches, right?" 

She cringed. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I should've trusted you." 

Yes. She should've. She'd be in a lot less pain in she hadn't ripped her skin apart. If she'd let me make the cut, she would've needed five stitches at the most. "Why didn't you?" I asked, curious. 

She took a moment to answer. "I don't know. I guess I just... panicked." 

I could understand that. There was another long silence. "Donny?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm tired." 

I smiled. "Rest, Amy." 


	15. Daddy

**Daddy**

**MICHAELANGELO:**

Leo spent _days _meditating, and getting himself "back to normal." It was obvious that Sasha breaking the rules was _not _what put him over the edge. It went a lot deeper than that. The rules had been broken before. It irritated him, but he got over it. He didn't normally need to spend a day and a half locked in his room in perfect silence. 

When Raph came home, two days after the baby was born, the slowly-easing tension shot through the roof again. I was relieved to see him, for the simple fact that I could know he was okay. But there was something distinctly wrong with him. I knew it from the moment he appeared. He exchanged quick glances with Kat, looked away, and disappeared into his room. He spent the next four days there, and said almost nothing the entire time. 

Kat went back to her regular schedule of being gone all the time. We didn't know where she was, and we knew better than to ask. She'd always had a long list of things to do. It wasn't until I caught her on the internet, looking at apartments in Ohio, that I started to get really worried. But it was none of my business, and she and Raph both made that clear in their silence. Neither one of them spoke, and they avoided each other at all costs. 

I wasn't sure Raph even _noticed _that there was a new addition to the "family". He didn't say a word to Amy, although he did afford her a glance every now and then, on his way back and forth to his room. He didn't eat, only drank alcohol. Wouldn't come out to practice or watch TV or do _anything _for that matter. 

Amy, meanwhile, was happy. Actually _happy_. I'd never seen her smile the way she did when she first came out of her room, holding the newborn baby. Salome was her name. Amy explained that it meant peace, and I thought she had named the child well. For the first time in the months we'd known her, Amy looked to be at peace with herself. 

"Hey, Donny, have you seen...?" 

"Shh!" Don silenced me. I stopped for a moment, and looked around the room. Then I continued in silence. Amy and Salome were asleep on the couch. I knew how little sleep Amy was actually getting lately, and I didn't want to bother her. 

I smiled as he saw the two of them, then turned my attention to Donny again. "Have you seen Leo?" I whispered. 

He shook his head. "He emerged from his cave earlier this morning," he mumbled. "But I haven't seen him since then. I think he may've gone up to the surface." 

"Mmm," I sighed. "Okay. You wanna go up? I'm kinda bored. And I gotta find him." 

He glanced at the still figures on the couch. "I dunno," he mumbled. 

"She'll be alright," I assured him. "Raph's here." 

He shot me a pathetic look. "Raph's in his own world right now, you know that." 

I smiled faintly. "Yeah. But he's still Raph. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. Besides, what kind of trouble is she going to get into sleeping?" 

He cast a doubtful glance at Amy and Salome, then sighed as he stood to his feet. "Okay. But I don't wanna be gone for very long." 

**RAPHAEL:**

_Something is wrong... _

_No shit, Raph. _

_No, I mean something's wrong... Something here. Something doesn't feel right. _

_Yeah, whatever._

I opened my eyes. The darkness in the room was thick. I prodded in the corners, but felt nothing here. I was alone. No. I wasn't alone. What the hell _was _that? It was a lot like the feeling of being watched. Annoying, because you knew it was happening, but couldn't see how. I breathed deep, trying to bring my thoughts back from the darkness I'd submerged them in. I concentrated on the stillness. 

I was alone. Whatever that feeling was, it wasn't in here. But it was _here_. It was in the lair. What was it? I stood slowly, feeling a slight headache, and reached for my weapons, laid out on the bed. I tensed as the feeling washed over me. I knew it, now. I could identify it. It was danger. Something dangerous was here. 

I wondered if I was alone. I figured Amy and her baby were here, even if no one else was. _What kind of danger? A fight? A confrontation? _I kept my weapons in hand just in case... 

**AMY:**

I awoke slowly to a gentle touch on the side of my face. For a moment, I wasn't sure where I was. I could feel Salome on my chest, but I wasn't in bed. Oh, that's right. I was on the couch. "Amy?" a whispered voice called through the layers of sleep. I moaned softly as I shook away already-forgotten dreams. 

"Donny?" Why was he waking me up? 

His light touch feathered over my hair. I smiled, still half-asleep. He always made me feel so protected. Waking up to his touch reminded me that he watched over me even while I slept. That he was always there. "Come on, Ames, wake up." 

I jerked awake with a force that instantly woke the baby sleeping on top of me. The sight before me took the breath out of my lungs. _I'm dreaming! _I desperately fought to calm myself. _I'm still dreaming. I must be dreaming. Oh _God_, please let me be dreaming!_

He smiled and brought his hand to rest on the side of my face. His skin was soft, warm. Real. Too real to be a dream. I struggled to take a breath. _Help! Donny, please, help! _My voice wouldn't work. 

Salome began to cry. His eyes fell to the infant and a confused look crossed his face. "How old is she?" he questioned. "Is she yours?" 

I couldn't answer. I couldn't _move_. I gasped in a quick, terrified breath as he touched the baby's hand. "She looks just like you," he whispered, answering his own question. 

I still couldn't make my mouth work. I tried to back further into the couch, my arms circling my child protectively. _No! This isn't happening!_

The words from a conversation long ago echoed back in my mind. _"I'm scared, Donny." _

_"Why?" _

_"What if he finds me?" _

_"He's not gonna find you down here, I guarantee it." _

_"But what if he does?" _

_"Then he'll have four ninjas to get through before he can get to you, Amy. That's no easy task."_

Where were they? Where were the guys! Did they leave me here alone? I could feel myself panicking. "How old is she, Amy?" the man whispered again. I was shaking, still struggling for air. He smiled down on Salome. "She looks like she can't be more than a few days old." 

His dark eyes met mine. "Is she _ours_, Amy?" he breathed. 

The words sent a jolt of electricity down my spine. _Ours_. Fear flooded through me as memories of the courtroom flooded to my mind. Custody battle. Mother versus father. And he was the father of my child. _No! You have no claim over her! _

My breathing came staggered as he reached up to touch the side of my face again. Suddenly, I found my voice. And I screamed. 

**RAPHAEL:**

I heard her scream at about the same time I opened my door. It took a fraction of a second to take in the scene. A man I hadn't seen before was kneeling next to the couch, apparently trying to quiet Amy. Amy was lying down, cowering under his touch as his hand rested on her cheek. Salome was on her chest, screaming in a typical five-day-old infant fashion. The fact that none of my brothers were racing into the room alerted me that Amy, her baby, and I were home alone. 

He didn't know I was there, until he was sprawled over the coffee table. I afforded a quick glance at Amy, who had instantly stopped screaming with my approach. She was unhurt. 

I didn't even notice the other figure in the room. But I heard the unmistakable sound of gunshot, and it wasn't coming from the man looming over the couch. Had I been anyone else, there would've been no way he could have missed killing me. He had me at point blank. But the combined speed of sound and my reflexes were faster than the bullet. Lightning quick, and I jerked back. I stumbled over the coffee table, but couldn't regain my balance before I crashed to the floor. _Shit! _I was defenseless now, and I knew it. 

I heard the gun fire again, but there wasn't much time for me to move. I certainly didn't have time to stand. I rolled, and felt fire rip through my shoulder as I rose to one knee. I pulled my unhurt arm back and flung the sai at his wrist. In the brief glance I caught of the shadowed figure, I noted that he had a broken arm cradled against his chest. 

My weapon clashed against his, and a shot went off in the air. It gave me a few seconds to regain my balance. I ignored the pain surging through me and braced, switching the remaining sai to my strong arm. I had to get that gun away from him. Damn it, I _hated _guns. 

I made a move toward him, but a scream from Amy cut me off. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the man standing over her yank the baby out of her arms. She let him take her, rather than engaging in a tug of war with the fragile life. I saw the panicked look on her face as he handled the child more roughly than was safe. The baby, wrapped in a bath towel, was held in the crook of his arm. His other hand dropped to his waist. A knife flashed, and I froze. 

The gun was still pointed at me. I tensed, ready to dart out of the way if he pulled the trigger. He didn't. He was just threatening me, keeping me from moving. "Drop the weapon, freak," he threatened. "Not that it would do you any good." 

Reluctantly, I let the sai slip from my hand. It clattered against the floor, like an explosion. I couldn't take the risk. Especially not when I wasn't at full strength. I was impulsive, yes. But I wasn't stupid. The figure holding the gun moved slowly toward the couch. "So you're Raphael," he grinned. 

I stared at him. "Yeah," I shot back. "Who the hell are you?" 

He smiled. "I was a friend of Sasha's." 

His choice of words struck me. "Was?" 

"She OD'd on heroin last night," he grinned. "Very sad." 

I glared at him. The words didn't surprise me, and they created no emotion. "You don't seem to broken up about it." 

"Neither do you." 

"I don't claim to be her friend," I growled. 

"No. But you hold claim to be the best lay she ever..." 

"What the fuck do you want?" I demanded, cutting him off. I could hear the cold fury in my own voice. Blood ran from my shoulder, warm and wet. It trickled down my arm, and over my plastron, slowly seeping from the wound. "If this is about Sasha..." 

"Sasha served her purpose," the teenaged boy answered casually. "She's no longer an issue." 

I saw Amy rise slowly to a sitting position. Tears glistened in her wide eyes. "Daddy, please," she whispered, pleading with the man holding her child. 

The word sent a shock wave through me. Daddy? Holy shit. How the hell did he find us? _Sasha served her purpose. _Rage burned steadily in my chest. Damn her! 

I turned my attention to Amy's father. He was obviously the one in charge. "So what's the plan, jackass?" I snarled. 

"I'm going to take my daughters, and leave," he informed me, his voice steady. 

Amy gasped. "No!" she cried. I could feel her eyes on me, begging silently. Fury surged through my veins. 

"Over my dead body," I growled at him. 

He smiled. Evil, threatening. "That can be arranged," his partner threatened. 

I felt another presence enter the room. I couldn't see or hear him, but I knew he was here. _Who? _I concentrated for a moment, running through faces in my mind. Not Leo. Mike? Yes. Someone else, too... Had to be Donny. 

I glared at the intruder and gave my allies a chance to get into position. "I'm not gonna let you walk out of here," I warned. 

"You don't have a choice," the man holding the baby reminded me. He turned his attention to Amy. I could feel the gun aimed steadily at me. "Get up," he ordered her. 

_Oh, Amy, don't try anything stupid..._

**MICHAELANGELO:**

She looked helplessly toward Raphael. He was bleeding from his shoulder, the thick red liquid oozing down his plastron. He didn't move. The hardened look on his face displayed no pain. I moved silently through the room, taking care to stay in the shadows. It was a good thing Donny had decided to turn out the lights when we left. We needed the element of surprise to avoid danger to ourselves, and we had to get this over with fast if we wanted to keep Salome safe. 

"Amy, stand up," the man commanded again. His voice left no room for argument. 

Amy gasped for breath as her eyes locked with her father's and she noted the knife resting near her child's chest. Her gaze darted back to Raphael. He nodded slightly, indicating that she should obey. Good. This was playing out well. Just as long as she didn't freak out. _Trust Raphael, Amy... Trust us_. 

It was blind trust. She didn't know we were here. I knew Raph did. I had felt his eyes on me from the moment I walked in. Not that he had physically turned and looked at me, but it was the same feeling. But she was obeying him without knowing what he did. Tears overflowed from her eyes as she rose to her feet. She was shaking, and she bit her lip, obviously trying to force the panicked look from her face. Her father smiled warmly and gently handed Salome to her. "Good girl," he approved. 

_Good boy, _I thought. _You just signed your own death warrant. _

I was about ten feet away from the armed man standing behind the couch. I closed that distance in about a second and a half. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Amy gasp and duck, covering Salome as Donny used his bo to vault over the coffee table. He crashed into her father and she scrambled to get away as he fell into the couch, face first. 

I grabbed the wrist of the teenage boy. He only had one arm that he could use, so it wasn't much of a fight. The gun went off, firing up at the ceiling, and I threw the guy to the ground, on top of his cast. His head hit the floor, one arm useless and the other locked with mine. I twisted his good arm behind his back, my knee holding him down firmly. He didn't want to let go of the weapon. "Dude," I sighed, "don't make me break your other arm." 

He let go. 

**DONATELLO:**

I backed off and let the man rise to his feet. I knew he was armed. And I could've taken him right there, and avoided a fight. But the truth was, I was very interested in the prospect of kicking his ass. Calmly, methodically... and without mercy. My own thoughts struck me, but only for a moment. _No anger, Donny. You'll kill him._

So what. He deserved to die. He'd had no mercy on Amy... why should he expect any from me? 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Amy take a few steps back, right into Raphael. She gasped, but he grabbed her upper arms before she had a chance to spin around. She looked back at him, and seemed to relax a little. Cold fury was on his face as he watched me. _Take care of her, Raph. This guy's mine._

No argument. He moved Amy behind him, but made no move toward me. He just watched calmly, ready to get involved if he was needed. He cringed slightly at the blood flowing steadily from his shoulder, but the look of pain was quickly subdued. Behind the couch, Mike yanked the teenager to his feet. Our eyes met for a fraction of a second. _Gun's gone. It's all you, bro._

The man lunged at me and I stepped out of the way, leading him into the center of the room. One swift move and I could kill him. He wouldn't feel a thing. But as appealing as that sounded, I knew there was a better way. 

I dodged his futile attacks effortlessly, toying with him. "So your Amy's father?" I questioned. 

He stopped and glared at me. "Yeah. And who the hell are you, freak?" 

"I'm a friend of Amy's," I answered. 

With one fluid movement, I hit the back of his wrist, knocking the knife out of his hand. It was plenty hard enough to make a bruise, but not enough to break bones. Before he knew what had hit him, he was against the wall, pinned by his neck with my staff across his throat. He gasped and choked, struggling for air. "And I've been _dying _to meet you," I growled low. 

I allowed him to push me back. He dove for his weapon and I let him retrieve it. He lunged at me again and I sidestepped, bringing my bo into the soft cushion of his stomach. He doubled over and I brought my knee to his face before shoving him back. He stumbled, trying to regain his balance, but didn't fall. I twirled the staff and held it to the side. I could take him without the aide of any weapon. I only kept my grip on the bo out of habit. 

Still defiant, he slashed at the air in front of me. He was bleeding heavily from his nose. I wondered if it was broken. If so, that had been entirely too easy. I spun behind him, hooking his ankle, and brought him crashing to the floor. Still aware that he could potentially have a gun, I stepped back and watched him carefully for any signs of movement. He pushed himself up with his arms, dripping blood from his face to the rug, and reached for the knife again. Stupid. Just plain stupid. 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

"You see that?" I gestured toward the man, bleeding from his nose and clutching his stomach. I glanced at the boy I was holding and guided him around the couch. I shoved him down onto the cushions. "If you don't wanna look like that, I suggest you stay put." 

I didn't think he would move. Even if he did, he was unarmed, and that made him pretty harmless. Even if he decided to attack Donny, I knew my brother could take him and Amy's father down simultaneously without even breaking a sweat. I walked to where Raph and Amy stood, aware of the eyes that followed me. 

"You okay?" I asked. 

Raph glanced toward me. It was as if he'd snapped out of a trance, and suddenly remembered that he was bleeding all over the place. He looked at his arm for the first time. "Yeah, I think so," he mumbled. "Hurts like hell though." 

I didn't find that hard to believe. "Amy, do me a favor," I told her, calmly. Her eyes met mine. "Go put Salome in your room, where she'll be safe, and get me a damp towel, okay?" 

"No, Mike, I'm fine," Raphael protested. 

I couldn't help but smile. "You've been shot, Raph. Has it occurred to you that you're dripping blood on the rug?" 

The thought hadn't occurred to him. He looked down, somewhat surprised at the blood that was now running down his leg. Amy left. I watched her, and glanced back at the boy on the couch. His eyes followed her, but he quickly looked away when he saw me staring at him. 

"Damn," Raph cringed. "That's a lot of blood." 

"Yeah, I know," I agreed. "You need to sit down." 

He slouched against the wall and raised his hand to the wound as he slid to the floor. I inspected him carefully. He wasn't gushing blood. In fact, the bleeding wasn't as bad as it looked. He was in pain, but he'd lived through worse. He'd be okay. 

He clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes closed. For a moment, it was quiet. I looked back at Donny. He had Amy's father pinned to the floor. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I knew it wasn't pretty. He was unhappy about this intrusion, to say the least. 

He backed off and let the man rise to his knees. He was bleeding from his mouth and nose, clutching his chest. I cast a concerned look toward Donatello. He was really being cruel about this. Not that I blamed him, but I was getting worried that he might be losing control. His eyes met mine, and I questioned him. He looked away without giving me any kind of response. 

**DONATELLO:**

"What the fuck are you?" he choked as he stared at me. 

"I should as you the same thing," I growled back. "What kind of _animal _would hurt a child the way you hurt your daughter." 

"What Amy and I do is _none _of your business," he snarled, defiant. 

I yanked him to his feet again, and held him with one hand by his shirt, my other hand holding the wrist of the hand with the knife. "No, asshole," I corrected. "Amy didn't do a damn thing, except get born into the wrong family. It was all you." 

"Fuck you," he spat. 

I tried to subdue my emotions. This was business. This was justice, not murder. There was a difference. The difference was in my attitude, and my motive. 

This was about Amy, and all the things she'd been through. It was about all that he'd gotten away with for so many years, and the people he might hurt in the future... Amy included. This wasn't revenge, and it wasn't to satisfy the anger I felt. This was penalty for the crimes he'd committed, against a _child_. 

I flung him to the floor and took my weapon in hand. 

"No!" 

In an instant, Amy was standing between us. She pressed her hands against my shoulders, holding me back. Broken and barely conscious, the man used the distraction to slowly reach for the knife on the floor. He was slow, and it would take him a good ten to fifteen seconds to do anything with that knife. 

I used that time to study Amy. She stared at me, her eyes pleading. _No..._

"Please," she whispered quietly, her tiny hands against my skin. "Please. Don't kill him." 

I said nothing. His fingers closed around the knife. I could feel him move; Amy was totally unaware. The reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. She was standing between us, pleading for his life, and he would sooner attack her than give up this fight. He had to get through her to get to me, and the knife in his bloody hands was evidence that he had every intention of doing that. My eyes flickered toward him. _You bastard..._

"Please, Donny. No more bloodshed." 

_God, Amy how can you say that? _

I'd never reveled in the idea of killing. In fact, it had kept me up at night, more often than I cared to admit. We'd been taught to kill. In self-defense, and for the sake of protecting others. _Protecting her... _As long as he was alive, there would be the danger that he might take her away to god-knows-where. If he took her out of New York, I'd probably never find her. I'd sworn to prevent that, and I knew I couldn't let it happen. 

Would I be here next time? If he came back, with reinforcements? He knew where we stayed, and that alone was danger enough to eliminate him. _Eliminate... _That word tasted bitter. _What the hell are you, an exterminator? He's a human being..._

No. This was not a human being. This was a monster. Images flashed, whispered words echoed in my mind. _"That was the night... I know it was. I could feel it..."_

Rage burned the backs of my eyes. Her pain rang in my ears as visions pounded my mind. _"Oh, God, make this stop! Make this pain stop!"_

She stood in front of me, her palms pressed to my shoulders, a pleading look on her face. "I can make it stop, Amy," I whispered, just barely audible over the beating of my heart. 

She heard me. She knew what I meant, too. Tears brimmed her eyes. "No, Donny, please," she choked, shaking her head. 

_"Oh God, I wanted it!"_

"Amy, it's not..." I whispered. 

I didn't have a chance to finish. The man lunged at us, struggling to his feet, the knife slashing the air. I grabbed Amy's arm and yanked her aside. The blade caught my arm, but didn't do much damage. He had no strength to put into his blow. I grabbed his wrist and twisted it. In the blink of an eye, I had him against the wall again. His head fell forward, and he gave up the fight. 

I stared at him, hardly able to breathe through the thick fury between us. _"I'm so ashamed. God, Donny, I'm so ashamed!" _He deserved to die. He deserved the most painful, slow death I could come up with. So why wasn't I able to make that killing blow? So easy... A fraction of a second more, and it would be over. I could end it all, right now. 

_Except this isn't about you, Donatello. It's not about your anger and desire for vengeance. It's about Amy._

I felt eyes burn into my back. Raphael, Andrew, Michaelangelo... Amy. Her hand came to rest on my shoulder again, but she didn't say a word. God, how could she do that? How could she even ask me to walk away? Surely her pain couldn't be any less than what I was feeling. How could she _be _so forgiving? 

It was then that I realized just how strong she was. Through the months that I had known her, I had only gotten a glimpse of her inner strength. Through her decision to keep her child, and her slow and painful healing process... the flashbacks, the nightmares, the visions that still haunted her... she'd come out of that dark tunnel with forgiveness. Mercy. God, how could she? 

And she still hadn't totally recovered. The pain wasn't all gone away. She still awoke screaming in the middle of the night... But she was here, silently pleading for his life. Why? 

I glared at the creature in front of me. Blood trailed down his face in thin streams. I swallowed hard. I wanted to end this. I had a _right _to end this. And a responsibility... 

_"Please. Don't kill him."_

Blinded by the emotions raging in my chest, I could not begin to evaluate what my brothers thought about this. Neither of them were stepping forward to stop me. Neither one was getting involved. My fight. My decision. No... not mine... Amy's. 

Damn him. Damn him to hell. 

I grabbed the man's shirt and spun around, throwing him to the floor. He fell, and didn't get up. The boy on the couch was staring with wide eyes. I turned the man with my foot and pressed the tip of my bo into his throat. This time, Amy did not get involved. She stood back and watched, chewing her lip. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the tears streaming down her face. 

"You are going to leave now," I growled at the barely conscious figure on the floor. I could've knocked him out with a simple touch to the back of his neck, or various other places. But I wanted him conscious. I wanted him to feel every minute of this. 

"You are going to get up," I informed him. "And you are going to leave, and take Andrew with you. And if you ever come back, I am going to kill you." 

I backed away, feeling the anger burn in my chest. I turned to the boy on the couch, who immediately stiffened. "If ever see _either _of you again, I'm going to kill you both. So keep each other accountable. Because I'll hunt you both down." 

**KATARINA:**

I knocked quietly on the door before turning the handle. Amy was leaning against the headboard of the twin-sized bed, nursing her child. She looked up as I slipped into the room and shut the door behind me. A tired, sad expression was on her face. 

"How is she?" I questioned, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

Amy glanced down at the baby resting against her breast. Salome's eyes were open and she was looking up at her mother, suckling contently. "She's okay," Amy answered. "I don't think she's hurt. She quieted pretty fast when I sat down with her." 

I nodded slowly. Amy raised her eyes to mine. "I gather they told you what happened?" 

"I overheard," I mumbled. "They told Leo." 

A worried look crossed her face. "Was he mad?" 

For a moment, I was confused. "About what?" 

"That I..." She looked away. "That I got involved." 

I sighed. "Leonardo doesn't get mad easily, Amy, you know that. He was just upset that he wasn't here." 

She was quiet for a moment. I studied her carefully. "Amy?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Why _did _you get involved?" 

She looked away. "Because it was murder. And that's not right." 

"It's not murder, Amy," I corrected. "It's justice." 

She shook her head. "I couldn't let him do that. I had to stop him." She closed her eyes. "And actually, now I kind of... feel bad about it. Like I stopped him from..." She sighed. "I don't know, Kat. It wouldn't have given me 'closure' to see him killed. But I feel like it might have been good for Donny. You know? Like it was what he wanted." 

"If he'd really wanted to kill him, you wouldn't have been able to do a thing about it." 

She considered that for a moment. She had to know I was right. At any rate, she didn't challenge me. There was a long silence. "She's dead, you know," she finally whispered, drawing her knees partway to her chest and resting the baby against them. 

I had a feeling I knew who she was talking about. "Sasha?" 

"Yeah." Our eyes met again. "I knew she was... hitting on Raph. And I should've said something. I'm sorry." 

I shook my head, feeling the ice creep over my heart again. "It wasn't your responsibility, it was his." 

She looked away. "Well, I hope... she didn't cause too many problems for you guys. I... kind of feel responsible for her being here, you know." 

I sighed. "No, Amy, it isn't your fault. They made their own decision. We just got caught in the middle of it. We both did." 

She glanced up at me, her eyes sad and searching. "He cheated on you, didn't he?" she whispered. It wasn't really a question. I nodded anyway, and looked away. "I'm sorry." 

"Not your fault," I managed. 

"Well, even so... I'm sorry." 

I closed my eyes and breathed deep, trying to push the emotions aside. She had been my friend, too. Of all the things I had expected Raphael to say... I hadn't considered that he and the woman who had been one of my closest friends would have hurt me like that. 

"I really... don't know what to do with myself now," Amy sighed. "I mean, Sasha and I had talked about getting a place far away, out in the middle of nowhere. She was... saving money." 

"No, she wasn't," I answered, forcing myself to look at her. "She was shooting it all into her arm." 

Amy was staring down at the bed, shaking her head slowly. "Kat, she was... the only one I had... that I could count on." 

I took her hand. "That's _not _true," I informed her. "And you know it." 

She looked back at me with tears in her eyes. "No, Kat. You don't understand. I know you... don't like her. And I don't blame you. But regardless of what she did, she was there for me. I have no one now..." 

I wanted to shake her. I really did. Did she not see what was so obvious? "Amy, you have friends here who care about you more than she ever did." She looked away. "Amy _tell _me Donny's not a better friend to you than Sasha was! He'd give his life for you, and you know that. Sasha turned her back on you, put you in danger. Hell, she led your father to your front door!" 

"She didn't mean to do that," she protested weakly. 

"Do you _know _that?" I challenged. I didn't give her a chance to answer. "And for cryin' out loud, Amy, do you have any idea what it must have taken for him to let your father walk out of here alive? To put himself, his brothers, _and _you and Salome in danger like that because you _asked _him to?" 

"I'm sorry," she whispered. 

"I'm not saying it so you'll be sorry. I'm saying it so you'll think! Amy..." She raised her eyes to mine slowly. "Donny cares about you! You'd be a fool to..." 

"I can't stay here, Katarina," she interrupted, her voice determined. 

I don't know why, but the words didn't surprise me. I studied her carefully, silenced, and I immediately knew I wasn't going to be able to change her mind. "Why?" 

She breathed deep and shook her head. "There's so many reasons, Kat." I sat waiting for her to continue. She sighed. "You know he'll be back. Maybe with reinforcements next time and I... I can't put the guys in danger like that." 

I laughed to myself. "Amy, Shredder has sent the _entire _foot clan after them before with no luck. I don't think your father can match that." 

She was staring at me with a blank expression on her face. "Who's Shredder?" 

"My..." I hesitated and looked away. That was a wound I didn't want to rip open right now. "Never mind. The point is, they took out hundreds of trained martial artists, and I don't think your father is much of a threat in that respect. And the fact of the matter is, whether you leave or not, your father still knows where the lair is. He not going to be any less of a threat with you gone than he will with you here." 

"That's not the only reason, Kat. There's a lot of things." 

"Like what?" I demanded. 

She sighed. "Kat, Donny's still talking about court and I can't..." Her voice trailed off and her eyes fell to the tiny baby in her arms. 

"I have to leave, Kat," she whispered. "I have to get out of New York. Some other state where... where I know he won't find me." 

I didn't have to say it. The doubtful look in her eyes told me she already knew. _You're only fourteen Amy... You can't survive on your own. Society won't let you._

And I knew the answer to that problem, although I was hesitant to admit it. 

"I can't convince you to stay here?" I sighed. It wasn't really a question. 

She stared down at Salome and brushed her fingers over the side of the baby's face. She was asleep now. Quiet and peaceful. "Katarina, even if none of this with my father had happened... I..." She looked back up at me. "That's not the real reason, Kat." 

I knew that. And I knew the real reason, too. She was afraid. I read the look in her eyes, and everything fell into place. "You're wrong, Amy," I mumbled. "I wish there was some way you could see how wrong you are. Some way I could show you that you need to stay." 

"No," she whispered. "No, Kat, I can't stay. It's... It's gone too far. I just need to leave. For both of us. This isn't just a knee-jerk reaction. I've known it for weeks." 

My eyes closed slowly. She was wrong, but I had no choice but to accept her decision. 

"Where will you go?" I questioned. 

She shook her head. "I don't know. West, somewhere. Somewhere he wouldn't think to look for me, where I don't know anyone and no one knows me. Maybe where I could... I don't know... change my name? I could do something like that, maybe. Or even if I had to stay at a homeless shelter." 

I glanced at her. "I'd like to... go back to school," she continued. "But I know that won't happen. But maybe I could school myself or something and take my GED?" 

She was begging me for encouragement. I sighed and buried my face in my hands. I listened to the silence and breathed deep. "Come with me," I mumbled after a long hesitation. 

She stared at me, shocked. "Where?" 

Our eyes met again. "I'm transferring to a school in Oklahoma. I don't think your father would look for you there." 

Her jaw dropped. "Oh my god, are you serious?" I nodded once, slowly. "What about Raph?" 

I didn't answer. My steady gaze was all the answer she needed. 

I still loved Raphael. But I didn't respect him anymore. And I didn't trust him. I needed some time to really evaluate how I felt about our relationship. And I needed to do it without him nearby. Maybe it would only be for a few months. The lease agreement I would sign would guarantee that I'd be there for six months. After that... who knew. They had a school I'd been accepted to. I had a job there, transferring to our sister station. The cost of living was significantly lower. In a week, I'd be on a plane. I'd already made my decision. 

"Why...?" she stammered. She looked away. I saw tears in her eyes. I had already cried a river, and I had no more to give. She glanced back at me. "Are you going to tell them?" 

I shook my head. "I can't." 

"Why?" 

"Because I don't want to have to say good-bye." 

The words stung. I breathed deep. "I have an apartment down there already, I just have to sign for it. You can live there, with me, like I did with Madonna before I turned eighteen." 

"Who's...?" She stopped, realizing it didn't matter. Her eyes fell to the sleeping child in her arms and she took a few staggered breaths. I watched a single tear stream from her eye and down her cheek. In the long silence, she nodded. 

END 


	16. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**RAPHAEL:**

_You left without saying good-bye. And you took Amy and Salome with you. I guess it's just as well that you didn't tell me. There wasn't much left to say between us. As for Donny, you gotta know that it really tore him up inside when he found that tear-splattered note from Amy. She didn't give him a good reason why she'd decided to drop off the face of the earth. At least she said good-bye. I was just the opposite. I knew why, but you didn't leave me a note. _

_Actually, I think it would've been harder if I'd had to read your words, flat out telling me that it was the end. It would've been even worse to have to face you. It was never supposed to end, Kat. Not this time. I wanted this to be forever. _

_Somebody told me once that love never goes away. I laughed at him, secretly if not to his face. But now I see that he was right. I loved you. I still do. And the pain of not having you with me hasn't gotten any easier over these past four years. I'd be mad at you for leaving, except that I can't bring myself to blame you when it was me who broke our vows. So I'm not mad. I'm just... I don't know. I'm not good at describing how I feel. But I can tell you that I'm writing this with tears streaming down my face. I'm glad it's the middle of the night, and I don't have to worry about facing anyone anytime soon. _

_I know I have no right to still feel this way for you. You're out there, God-knows-where, living your life. Hell, you could be married and have kids by now. Guess that's why I've never tried to find you. I'm afraid of what I'll find. I pray that wherever you are, you're still alive. And happy. I want you to be happy, Kat. You deserve it. Somehow, I know I'll never see you again. That hurts, but I think I've finally accepted it. Doesn't mean I'm any closer to "getting over" you. I still love you more than anything in the world. _

_And I'll never forgive myself for letting you go._ -Raphael 


End file.
